Share your story!

[Varaa]

Hello friends,

If anyone of you is willing to, please tell me the story in your MD in as much detail as possible. I've had  several plot lines over years during my MD experience, but I have observed a common basic theme running through all of them (other than the very well known fact that the protagonist is a perfect person  ). So I was wondering if it is more or less the same story that is actually going on in all of our heads. 

[Varaa]

If MD is affecting your head physically I think you should consult a doctor, it could be due to something else. The main problem with MD that I know is only that you waste a hell lot of time, which in turn leads to other issues like lack of sleep, lack of interaction with people etc.
Jessica Ballantyne said:

I used to MD so often, and now my head hurts, so can't do it. Has MD physically impacted anyone's head?

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I don't lack sleep, I'm good at dosing off. But yes, I do lack interaction with people and other stuff. I am going to see my doctor anyway, since I set an appointment. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

It's funny, I had a very soft life in the beginning. Everything was warm and relaxing, and my state of mind was content. I went to private school and got treated lots by my parents. So I was always convinced that I'll have a normal and happy future. However, my life wasn't perfect all the same. I got bullied relentlessly in school—the kids thought I was stupid for some reason. I was a person of few words and still am today. Like I didn't talk that much, or hardly ever. I was the type that preferred to think my own thoughts in my head, as any introvert. Whereas everybody else was super outgoing and very talkative. They must have got me all wrong, because the very impression I gave them was that I was dumb and unfriendly. Basically, all through grade school other kids ranted and raved about the fact I just didn't TALK. It was so embarrassing in a very penetrating and overbearing way. I didn't stop to realize that my adulthood will not look any better, so I just fluffed it off and thought these kids were being a bunch of brats.  

At age 12, something changed me forever. My daydreams turned into MD and I got hooked, which was a fucking bad idea. It made me feel so happy to be in these fictional worlds, when really, I was stepping into something dangerous. MD only made my social interaction skills only worse, and I went extremely quiet in high school, not caring to realize it wasn't normal. I made very few, few friends and eventually got ostracized in school for my abhorred behaviour. They all noticed my inappropriate giggles, talking and faces—and looked me like I was a crazy girl. I was so glad to graduate from high school and leave. Teenage boys were constantly stalking me in the hallways yammering my full-time pitch loud. I didn't have any boyfriends.

At 18 I was so thrilled to head to art & design school and learn to be a fine artist. I was excited to conglomerate with artists who'd be more like me. Regardless, I was the same shy and quiet person when I attended events and took my courses, so I still found it hard to make friends. My social interaction skills were just not there. College students have commented as to why I'd sit there all by myself, instead of joining in on social groups. I found myself often eating in the cafeteria, working on projects and looking at exhibition displays on my own terms. So my maladaptive daydreaming was growing on me, putting me into a big swirling daze. I found it hard to push myself to attend parties and hang out with students more, and I often went straight back home by train. I guess that I was just socially awkward that way. 

I had jobs to get me through college, usually as a fast food server, but I went into a state of depression. Other co-workers were far more outgoing than me and they all had relationships. So the staff and customers started to laugh and shout at me to put a smile on my face. The managers were total assholes around me, so I decided to quit and not come back, ever. 

I finally earned my degree, hoping to thrive in a creative career. However, in the real world it was very hard to succeed in a graphic design job. You had to nearly be a IT member or a Japanese computer whiz with great keyboard shortcuts skills. I wasn't very fast and professional as I hoped, and felt I picked the wrong business. I had a line of short-term and long-term jobs that did not work out.

Overall, the real world wasn't a nice place for me to be in, after all. A number of people (customers, clients, supervisors) were snooty and mean to me. I had to endure their smart remarks and tempers. Nonetheless, they have encountered my daydreaming ways and didn't take it pleasantly. I found it extremely difficult to form friendships and relationships, due to the fact I was so very quiet and timid. Yes. I attended clubs, dances, lounges and conventions—each and every time a smart-ass would comment on the way I looked and sounded. My social awkwardness didn't disappear and to this day I just have myself. 

Then just this summer, dad explained to me how people feel about my social performance, and it stung, as I have so much work to do. I spent years walking and going about in a daydream state, only to find out nothing came true—because I had to work hard for it all along—not drift around all day. And I honestly don't find that very funny. It burns. 

Above all, I have to rethink my life direction, as I feel I didn't make very good decisions, under the influence of MD. Doing MD for years effected my head health, my social life and my mind. If I hadn't started MD, I might've been OK today. I would've been happier and better off, and may've had a partner. So ultimately, my adulthood so far hasn't turned out normal and happy as I expected. I hope it's not too late to turn this all around, and transform into a better person that anyone could love.