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Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest
Schizophrenia and Maladaptive Daydreaming: One Fantasy to Escape Another
I've only recently discovered that I had two different types of non-reality: the one of my choice and the one I am forced to live with. I've always been a daydreamer, and when I got older and the daydreams just got progressively longer and more frequent, I just assumed I was a creative person and had an overactive imagination. Then another problem reared its ugly head: images and thoughts I didn't identify as my own forced their way into my head. I've always recognized my daydreams as just that, daydreams. They were positive experiences and reflected my desires and my happy memories and engulfed me in joy when I was fully immersed.
The new non-reality was scary. Images of myself being cruelly tortured popped into my head all day as well as the thoughts of suicide, anxiety, and depression I had always had becoming steadily worse and more pronounced. I had a really crappy childhood, sure, but I love my life and i don't want to kill myself and I hate pain so I didn't understand why it was getting so bad. That's when I became very reliant on my daydreams. When not immersed in my daydreams, each second became more agonizing that the last, and my escape from it became a crutch for day to day life. I would intentionally seek out triggers as to get away and would look for music and books constantly that would kickstart my daydreams.
Eventually I got so sick and tired of not being able to really live my life, that I set out to figure out what was wrong. What helped me realize that my two non-realities were not symptoms of the same condition or that it wasn't just a creative mind was a post on the "Did You Know" Facebook page about Maladaptive Daydreaming. Just a little thing, practically a coincidence. But as soon as I saw it, I knew I had it. And then I became able to really distinctly separate the two different types of non-realities and somewhat evaluate just what it was that was happening to me.
I am a schizophrenic and a Maladaptive Daydreamer. And just knowing that there was a name for it and that I wasn't just crazy, well, sorta, was half the battle for me.
The new non-reality was scary. Images of myself being cruelly tortured popped into my head all day as well as the thoughts of suicide, anxiety, and depression I had always had becoming steadily worse and more pronounced. I had a really crappy childhood, sure, but I love my life and i don't want to kill myself and I hate pain so I didn't understand why it was getting so bad. That's when I became very reliant on my daydreams. When not immersed in my daydreams, each second became more agonizing that the last, and my escape from it became a crutch for day to day life. I would intentionally seek out triggers as to get away and would look for music and books constantly that would kickstart my daydreams.
Eventually I got so sick and tired of not being able to really live my life, that I set out to figure out what was wrong. What helped me realize that my two non-realities were not symptoms of the same condition or that it wasn't just a creative mind was a post on the "Did You Know" Facebook page about Maladaptive Daydreaming. Just a little thing, practically a coincidence. But as soon as I saw it, I knew I had it. And then I became able to really distinctly separate the two different types of non-realities and somewhat evaluate just what it was that was happening to me.
I am a schizophrenic and a Maladaptive Daydreamer. And just knowing that there was a name for it and that I wasn't just crazy, well, sorta, was half the battle for me.
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