Reality

[Silver Swan]

Now understanding the real world around me. I sort of see, but not quite, as to why things never worked out in my teens and 20's. Well, blatantly speaking, "I lived in my very own worlds." Apparently, I wasn't all grown up enough to thoroughly understand how adult situations really work. Being a wishy-washy member of youth, who did MD ongoingly, I was in doubt as to why I was always falling on my face. I didn't overlook the importance of work and education, rather, I treated life as if it were a fairy tale, where I can get anything I wanted at anytime. So I ended up with a life that didn't look so great, and I hate to say this, but I sort of deserved it too.

Since I was a child, I looked forward to a life of healthy relationships and eventually marriage in my mid or late 20's. I actually believed I was the type of girl who could achieve these goals. However, I didn't test the waters, seeing how I really am around people. Also, I had no idea that I had ASD. It never occurred to me that people clearly can see I am 'somewhere else' and I act very weird, which is anything but attractive.
So eventually, I ended up living a long single lifestyle, landed up dependent, and to this day I am unfortunate of what my future will look like both in relationships and work.