Where wild minds come to rest
I'm pretty tired, so if I word this in a strange way, I apologize. If you would like for me to elaborate, I can.
I'm hoping maybe someone can relate to me in this subject, only because I have done this on plenty of occasions, and it's one of the most frustrating (and sometimes even tormenting,) aspects of my MDD symptoms.
I am able to project a DD character into 'reality' (not physically, of course, it's all in the imagination.) Normally, it's a character who I can consider a friend or younger sibling, usually when I'm out for a walk, so I don't feel completely alone. Even sometimes at work (I walk a lot at work,) most of the time, I can have someone with me, projected, talking and interacting with them within my mind. I guess it makes work a whole lot less boring...
Sometimes, though, I end up projecting an intimidating character from a show or my own imagination, somewhere near me, i.e, half-hidden by a tree, or a street lamp - I unintentionally project the character there. It's disturbing enough to even imagine a stranger, just in sight and around the corner, but imagine a character that completely intimidates you standing in that place. I honestly don't know if it makes it better or worse, really. There isn't really any way to confront that situation in the real world with a real person, and for it to be from your own mind...still, the question - better or worse?
I normally just walk by, look the other way (nervously, of course,) - Internally, I'm saying 'nononono, go away.' Or try to confront them within my own DD - that normally does not turn out well.
I just walk right by, and the projection fades as my anxiety quells. I sometimes even feel eyes bore into me as if there were a real living being there. It is an extremely uncomfortable experience.
I theorize that this may be my brain's way of coming up with a solution to avoiding and/or confronting real danger, but it's not working, and it's very unsettling.
I'd like to know if there's a way to stop it (I've tried ignoring it completely, and tried to wipe my mind's eye of the projection, but that takes a lot of concentration and a few swear words of frustration.) But the threatening presence is strong, within my mind, and when it projects itself into reality. I feel that making a character that could defend me would further feed into the MDD, and will lead me further into other DDs when I really shouldn't be (i.e, walking to work, or working even,when I should really be focusing on my surroundings,) but, maybe as a temporary solution, that's all I can think of.
I would like to know if any of you experience such a thing.
I really hope I'm not alone when it comes to this one; Can I finally consider myself completely crazy then?
Note: I have OCD, this could be an important factor of why some of my DDs can cause some level of anxiety in reality, instead of a normal, happy, fun, comfortable escape from reality. Sometimes, my intrusive thoughts involve my DD characters.
I think I might be doing the same thing. It's hard to explain but it seems like my daydream world forms an overlay on top of reality, but I can tell the difference between the daydream and reality even though I see both occupying the same space, but when I listen to music I can visualize the music which also forms another overlay on top of reality. However, visualizing an alternate dream world plus visualizing music doesn't obstruct my view of reality. It's kind of hard to explain what I see. I understand most people don't do this so you would kind of have to be me to understand it.
I still do it. I don't exist in the DD character world thing I created so it's more like I am one of them, usually with another. I am grounded with reality though and know they aren't me/aren't real. I'm not a shy person and very confident so I have no idea why I still continue to do this.