Personality and Abilities: A blur with MDD andReal life

[Dreamcatcher]

When I'm asked to talk about myself, it's so hard to say anything because I feel like my actual personality and my ideal or daydream personalities are so enmeshed, I don't really have an idea of who my "real" self is. For example, I can be both really quiet and reserved, but also loud and talkative. I am really composed and serious, but I can also be a complete loose cannon.  I've noticed these "dichotomies" occur in both real life and my daydreams.

The same goes for abilities.  I have  daydeams about wanting to teach or have a group discussion about a subject/topic I really care about. But in reality, I don't know if I could ever do that or want to do that, even though I have done it a few times in my classes. This is really affecting me  because of a career path I am considering. In my head it seems like it'll be something that'll work and align with my interests, maybe because it reflects a deep desire to want to be heard by others and be successful. But in reality I'm not sure if I am brave enough or will be successful in doing that.

I know that was a lot and confusing. It's kinda hard to explain. But I was just curious if anyone else has a hard time describing themselves and their personalities/abilities because of the blur with real life and daydreaming?

[Zolik]

I don't feel like there's really a blur between my daydreams and my real life personality. Mine are pretty much separate. I rarely daydream about myself.

But there is a difference between who I am on the inside and the personality I express outwards. I don't express myself much at all. I'm very closed, private, untalkative and I don't trust people easily, so I feel like others see a very small part of my personality, which creates a certain gap between who I am and who I'm seen as.

There's also a gap between my abilities and my interests, which has often affected my career path. For example, there was a time when I was very interested in psychology and had a desire to become a psychologist and help people, but I'm autistic and have somewhat limited social skills, which might make dealing with patients difficult for both sides, so I knew psychology might not be the best career path for me, even though it was one of the most interesting ones I could think of.