New here. my introduction my story

[T.h]

Hey everyone I'm new here. I only found out about this place a week ago when coincidentally googling help for my depression and anxiety.

Although I'm new and just realized this thing had a name lol I have been suffering from md since I wannna say 11/12( probably earlier) I'm now 30.

I grew up in a strict house with a verbally abusive member of my family.
I wasent allowed to go anywhere other than school and home.I was also very shy. before being in that house I moved around a lot ( different countries, different schools different family members)so I didn't really have a lot of friends and when I did make a friend or two I would move again.

my daydreams started out of mere boredom to say the least. It was a escape from the reality I was in ( also at this point I was an only child and the only child in the house ) it got to the point where I never left my room if it wasn't a school day, I wouldn't eat and I couldn't sleep. I started being late for school almost everyday because I had spent the whole night day dreaming.

Track 18 years later and I'm pretty much in the same boat, only difference is I know most of this stuff I day dream about won't come true ever. as a kid I believed strongly in some of them. I dropped out of college because I couldn't concentrate. I can't keep a 9-5 as I get bored easily and when I'm bored I get depressed and day dream more. I can go through cycles where I don't do it at all especially if I'm really busy to doing it pretty much the entire day. Eg. if I have work I will do it on the way to work,while at work, on my lunch break, on my way home. especially when I have good storyline going and I don't want to mess it up ( anyone else do that lol ?) if I'm not working and have nothing to do I'm in my bed the entire day I will force myself to eat then go right back to bed and continue. ( I don't pace btw I wish I did though it sounds much healthier lol ). The daydreams consist mostly of a better me, a healthier more social me. I travel the world. I have money to spend, I have my own beautiful place,I'm friends with celebrities. I'm a famous model. ( I do model but not famous ) I love modelling but I don't know if I love it because I've always daydreamed about it or I actually love it ?????. ( anyone else do a job they have daydreamed about as a kid ? Do you think your just trying to match your day dream ? ) oh and I always have an amazing beautiful boyfriend. ( I've never been in a relationship ever).they can also be me in a relationship acting out different scenarios or just different scenarios in general. if I watch movie especially a sci-if I act out being in the movie, if I go to a art show I imagine being an artist in full details etc.

It's induced by music mostly and how my life is going at the moment. The depression and anxiety make it worst as you can imagine. I can have episodes where I completely isolate myself from my friends or family for weeks and usually I'm bouncing around a few storylines in my head and just don't want to be around reality. It can literally be the thing that gets me through my bad depression spells and also the thing that holds me back in life, a gift and a curse you can call it. I'm super ambitious I have so many ideas things I want to do and I feel like I have done a lot of great things in my life so far but I feel like I could have been further. I haven't told anyone and really don't intend too. I see a therapist and will be telling her about it in my next session now that I figured out what it is.

I cried when I read about it and found out this had a name. it was a reality check that I didn't want to face. another thing added to the list of things wrong with me lol. I'm glad I found this group though. I'm looking forward to reading all your stories and supporting you when I can. I really hope we all get help managing it. ( the ones who want to manage it that is). And for the ones who don't,enjoy your paradise what ever it may be. Keep dreaming my friends.

Thanks for reading would love to hear from you are you the same? Different ? And how ?

[Aj]

Thanks for sharing. I relate to a lot of what you said, especially how daydreaming gets you through bad depression spells yet also holds you back in life. It's so difficult to find a healthy balance with daydreaming, or to feel in control of it. I hope telling your therapist goes well.

[Wild minds member]

I was going to tell my therapist as well tomorrow, but i'm really anxious about it because i don't think she'll understand and get confused and i hate being looked at like i'm crazy. I'm 19, am a film student and can't pick up a camera now because i've been made to feel like shit about my ability... so i just daydream about what i could of done. My day dreams are very simpler. I have really good storylines that i get pissed off if i'm interrupted, or if i'm busy at a social thing i can't wait to get back turn on my iPod and imagine it. If i watch a movie as well i also picture myself in the movie. As the character when i'm watching it, but then as an actor when i get home, because i love acting and want to have a go myself. I pace sometimes if i MD standing up, but i have a long kitchen in my house so it's automatic. but thats the only place i do that. I feel like it's holding me back. Is there any chance u could let me know how talking to ur therapist went i'd be really thankful and intrigued to see what happened. Thank you and the best of luck. xx

[T.h]

Hey aj thanks for responding it definitely is a battle isn't it ? Yeh I hope it goes well too. Thanks again

[T.h]

Hey @wildmindsmember

I totally understand I used to sketch all the time had dreams of being a designer I still do but every time I go to draw I end up being lost in my mind and just imagine the beautiful dresses I've made instread of actually making it. I would say to you as you are just 19 try your best to push your self to follow your dreams, lf you can't pick up the camera anymore try just going for walks and take pictures on your phone of things you like maybe that will inspire to get the actual camera going. And I think you should try acting if anything it can be a hobby to get you less socially withdrawn that's what modelling does for me it pushes me to get out there and get out of my head. Even though sometimes I go right back in my head after the gig but sometimes I'm just really happy for all the kool ppl I got to meet. I say at least take a class see how it goes

[T.h]

@wildmindsmember I will let you know for sure what happens tmr

[Wild minds member]

I'm seeing mine in an hours time so i'll let you know if i have the balls to go through with it. And if i do it be great to compare notes to see if ups knows something mine doesn't or the other way around 

T.h said:

@wildmindsmember I will let you know for sure what happens tmr