Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest
Hello, I am new here and very lucky to find like minded people who live in their heads all the time like me :)
Just today I found out this was a problem after losing myself this year and feeling pretty numb as a result. I was born on the Caribbean but my whole family is from Canary Islands, Spain. I never identified with the extroverted party type person that typically lives on the Caribbean. I'm rather quiet, shy , thoughtful person that likes to keep to myself , for this reason I have to say that i'm almost 25 and never had a boyfriend before only a short relationship that only lasted less than a month and that was about it. Frankly, whenever I develop a crush that is all I need, I can have the relationship in my head develop or just looking at the person's pic make me feel good, however when I have indeed revealed my emotions I'm usually rejected and im becoming hungry for a real relationship but don't know where to start.
I noticed that I'm into "artistic" guys those who love to make music, draw, design, compose poetry or sing and they are usually pretty sensible as well. It's like I attract them because of my fantasy world being activated and they could become an element of it , yet nothing real happens....
Are any of you past 20 and never been with anyone? how do we break through? I really don't want to end up alone ..........
I am past 20 and I've never been with anyone, so far. All the "relationships" that I've had were in my head. But I don't daydream about myself anymore and being in a relationship is not one of my priorities in life. I have other more important things at the moment to attend to. But I don't want to end up alone, which is why I have some backup plans: 1) when I grow old, I want to live with a friend (or 2) in a house near nature, and 2) join a convent (that is if everything fails in life).
hmmm i felt that way all this year and last year. im shy and stuff too i wanted someone exactly like one of the boys in my daydream, and no one at school was really like him at all, and i dont like talking to people i dont know or meeting people online... so i kind of gave up, atleast until i got to college because then id meet alot of new people in class. i was really lonely and stuff and didnt now how to meet someone that id be really interested in and it seemed near impossible
then for some reason some guy from my school started talking to me and he reminds me alot of my character i love so much eheh now were dating.
idk stop looking and someone will find you.
I'm rather quiet, shy , thoughtful person that likes to keep to myself....I noticed that I'm into "artistic" guys
Sounds good! If you were not waaay to young for me? And if I wasn't a mountain hermit? I so miss the beach! We could hang out in your neck of the woods and decide that, while we hit it off online, we hated each other in person, lol.
But seriously; a girls gotta have some standards. Never apologize for being your self. Work on being a bit less shy; or at least a bit more open to others approaching you. A little smile and being willing to engage a bit goes a long way. But beyond that? They either like you thought full and introverted or they don't.
I'm in mid-20's and I have never had a boyfriend as well. Don't know how to comfort you, wish I could. I feel no desire or romantic attraction to anyone in the "real" world. Nobody is so attractive/caring/honorable as my DD characters so fortunately for me, I don't feel like I need any real relationship with a man. They just cannot compare to my DD - as if they ever could. Plus everyday DDing makes me feel satisfied and content. Without DD, future life surely looks depressing.
im 24 i had a serious relationship i didnt fantasize for the first 6months i was with her she became my obsession after awhile she started cheating on me and treating me bad so i stayed with her but started to fantasize again havnt had a meaningful relationship since it gets hard to open up and face rejection or someone you think is perfect turns out to be alot less than you expect
I'm 25 too. I've been in a relationship before, but...the guy practically took my hand and claimed me as his girlfriend. It would have never begun otherwise! (Also, the happy relationship soon turned out to be problematic, to the point I don't count it as a complete experience)
About the rest of the guys, just like you, I kept being too busy with my imaginary life to consider a real affair. I didn't even DD much about having affairs.
One thing I have learned so far: willing to know people better is essential for getting a boyfriend. Since I started trying to pay attention to what people say, and smile, I found several guys who could be open to the possibility. I'm still a little clueless about what to do after this, since I suck at conversation and finding topics, so I usually chicken out. But there is one guy I'm going to try getting out with-I don't think he's "the one" but he's cute. That type of stuff is trial-and-error after all, some chatting experience could be useful. (For example, after a few past failures I have stopped mentioning I like knives, or that I study quantum mechanics, to people that don't know me well...it is intimidating, it seems!)
@Yari- what about friends? Do you have a hard time with friends too? Do you have a best friend or a steady group? Maybe its your social skills coupled with fear of intimacy that's holding you back.
I am the same, this actually made me cry, i have been trying to stop mding mainly because of how it impairs my social skills and i blame it for the reason i have never had a boyfriend. My friends make fun of me everyday and it really upsets me because they could never understand. Do you find that you make very little efffort with any guy who shows interest in you? i don't want to sound big headed but I am attractive (im a model) and a lot of guys approach me and chase after me but i reject every single one, eventhough i don't want to be alone. I play out the relationship in my head so i have dont have to put myself at risk of heartbreak or embarassment in real life.
Do you feel like you can't talk about sex or relationships? Whenever anyone asks questions even as small as if i find someone attractive i feel kind of sick and i really dont want to talk about it but i dont understand why. I am so happy youve posted this
I'm 24 and I've had two longish relationships (one four years, the second one year). Basically, I've found it hard to hang on to friends and a larger social scene over the years because of my obsession with imaginary things! This has a big problem - I always become overcommitted to that special person in my life, i fall in love with them and forget about everyone else... so when the relationship breaks up my life is kinda over and i gotta rebuild again :( Of course, hopefully one day I'll be with someone forever but the thing is that if that happens it's still better to have a wider friendship circle IMO that's greater than just two or three people.
One thing I might recommend for you is to forget about guys for a moment and instead focus on broadening your social circle, then inevitably you'll bump into the right person :) Just respect yourself and remember the problem isn't you - I'm sure your just a perfectly loveable but shy person and be patient and develop yourself... the rest will fall in place.
Man, I'm finding it SOOO much easier to give this advice to someone else than to take it myself! haha Good Luck!
I'm 21 and I have been in relationships. Two of them more serious. Any of my relationships haven't lasted longer than a year. I did love these two guys I was with but I think it was just the time in my life when it was like kinda a must thing to have a boyfriend since everyone else started dating (was a teenager). I kinda always went with the flow and did things considered the norm. I know myself better now and I know for sure now that I'm not just a shy person, I do not have the desire to be in a relationships and the desire to just simply be around people. I do come online and chat obviously but yeah that fulfills whatever need I might have for interaction with other people. There are times where I feel I might need more but whenever I act upon it it drains me and I'm pretty much crashing for a couple of days afterwards.
I'd much rather DD then live in the real life at all. I do not daydream about myself though so the things happening and the relationships are not really mine. So maybe I don't know how to help you "break through" since I do not have a desire for a relationship. But you have to leave your dreamworld to interact and meet other people. And confidence is a good thing, I don't have much of it but you can act you have it. Eye contact goes far and is a good way to start. And thinking the person you like has no interest in you, you might be very wrong about that. Be honest about your feelings! Be honest to yourself!
Mind 20's. I've been in one relationship that lasted a couple months when I was in my early 20's. I was inexperienced to say the least, but it was after the breakup that really...changed me. She broke up with me, explained the reasons, and was pretty nice about it (it was long distance but we did meet in person). Immediately after that I did some very stupid things in desperation. I felt so much regret, that I spent the next two years DD'ing about time traveling back and changing the past. I did this with every spare moment I had to DD. I lost my job for underperforming. I became more of a recluse than I already was; I stopped hanging out with all of my friends completely and shut myself away DD'ing the time travel scenario. It's been about 7 years now, and I still think about her and that entire experience at least once a week still. I also DD more now than I did previous to that. I did learn things, and most of the time I feel like I'm over it. But when I sit down and think about it, I don't feel like I've let it go completely.
Thank you all for your replies, I wasn't expecting that many so soon. I guess in my situation it is a mix of many different reasons , not just because my head it's in the clouds.
@ aquarious I don't have any fear of intimacy because there wasn't even an opportunity to see what intimacy is all about. I only have one good friend and that's enough...but of course there's more...
1.I have hypothyroidism that causes great apathy and a lack of feelings , I was undiagnosed for years, not it fits into all the right places.
2.My spiritual/religious beliefs makes guys around me look like maggots, I'm sorry but guys in Miami are not what I would call "a good catch" or not a drunk, drugged up idiot and many other things that really make me cringe when I see their behavior.
3. Lack of chances, bad luck , unavailable guys, yes it makes me a little mad when I see totally mismatched couples or really bad effed up girls messing with the good guys. I can't believe every single random circumstance in the universe has worked against me to make me lonely....