My story

[Julie Waid]

Hello. I am Julie and I am new here. I am 33 years old and found out about this website in Scientific American Mind! I was so shocked because I had never heard of anyone like me before!

 

The article begins with the story of pacing in circles playing with a string and making up stories, often about favorite TV shows. I was shaking when I read the first paragraph because this was me EXACTLY! The only difference was I played with a slinkie instead of a string.

 

Still, even though I have been a daydreamer my entire life, I was "normal" early on. I went to school, interacted with others, and for a time had real friends too. But then when I was ten, one friend moved away and another was held back due to a head injury and since these two friends were my whole group at the time I was left with no friends and was unable to make any more. Because I was alone and eccentric, the bullying started soon after. I was tormented every day for years with physical and verbal abuse. At first I tried to tell my parents and other adults but they got angry at me and punished me because I must have done something to the other kids to makie them dislike me so much. In addition, my father was also very abusive. I suspect he has a mood disorder and/or is bipolar. He would fly into violent rages for minor reasons and my home was always a tense and unsafe place to be.

 

This was when my daydreaming became maladaptive. I retreated from the hostile world outside and just stayed in my own inner world all the time. This was very dysfunctional but also helped me to survive. I just could not cope with this horrible world being the only world I had. In my daydreams, I had friends and a family who loved me. I was valuable and good at things and people were'nt yelling at me and calling me ugly and stupid all the time.

 

The final straw came when my dad happened to find my "special" notebook. This was the notebook I wrote all of my fantasies in. He flew into a rage because in one of my imaginary stories, I had written about a romantic and physical relationship with a TV character. He was not angry because I was daydreaming or creating stories. He was angry because he was very religious and my story was of an "adult" nature. He screamed at me for over an hour calling me a slut and took my TV away. I did not have another one for over a year. This was when I finally snapped. At that point, I retreated fully and did not speak or write to another person for six months. I was completely mute and unresponsive. The oustide world stopped existing at all.

 

The good news was that I came out of it. The bad news was that when I came out of it, I started telling other people about my fantasies and this led to events so horrible I can not talk about them any more. I will say that I finally dropped out of high school at age 14. (I got my diploma through a homeschool program.)

 

The best thing that ever happened to me was that when I was 18, my dad became ill. (That sounds sad to say but it is true.) That meant that in order for our family to survive, I had to leave the house and get a job. At first, I was against this because I loved my comfortable made up world and because I had been beaten so far down I was not even trying to find employment or a direction in life. I thought I was so worthless in reality that there was no point in making the attempt. Once I got the job, however, it turned out to be a good experience. I found out I actually enjoyed having a job, I loved being out of that house, and I could actually do things to better my reality.

 

At age 21 I found the courage to leave home and get out of there. I bought a one-way bus ticket, took all the savings I had and moved to Colorado. This was the start of my new life. I quickly found a job and a place to live and the rest is history. I am now employed full-time and a student. I am getting my Associate's Degree in Psychology in three weeks and then I am going to go for a Bachelor's in Communications so I can write all the time! I still daydream constantly (almost all the time) but I no longer call it maladaptive because I am doing things in the real world to better my life.