my MD experience- please share your thoughts.

[Chloe]

i'm new to this forum so please excuse me if i post this in the wrong area or
something.
i have been a "dreamer" since i can remember.
i would watch something on tv, listen to a band, or read a book, and feel very
strong emotional connection to someone who either did not exist or would never
know that i did. i would become friends with the characters. when i was younger
i just considered it "playing" like everyone else did. but once i hit about 7th
grade, i began to notice that things were different with me. i would sit in my
room for HOURS with earphones in, pacing back and forth, thinking of my
"imaginary friends" and different scenarios which usually were relevant to the
song i was listening to. i would confide to a few friends that i like to
daydream obsessively, and they would sometimes say "i do that too!" but i KNEW
that it was different. they may sit in class and think of some scenarios that
would be cool, but it was a lifestyle to me. it consumed me. i became so
obsessed with my daydreams that i didnt do things outside of my room.
i am 17 now, and i have a history of severe depression throughout high school.
in 9th grade, my malapadative daydreaming took a whole new turn.
9th grade is when my life welcomed a new group of characters who have changed me
so much.
my story is:
i was a big fan of the band paramore. their guitarist, Josh Farro, was very
appealing to me. I found myself thinking of him often. My daydreams became a
complete elaborate story that have carried on for three full years (I am a
senior now.)I consider my daydream my "second life". Here is the story (daydream
plot):
Josh and I met when we were in our freshman year of high school. I have an
EXTREMELY idealized self in my day dreams. She is me completely, except she is a
very pretty version of me. She has a very appealing personality and is certainly
liked by more people than the "Real" me is. Anyways, Josh brought me into his
group of friends: His brother Zac, and best friends Blake and Rebecca. "I" tried
to kill myself junior year in high school, but the group of friends helped me
fight my depression through everything. A recurring theme in my "second life" is
being the troubled girl who is saved by the man she loves. I know exactly the
reasoning for my daydreams. I know that it's a coping mechanism for my
depression. But these people I dream of are saviors. Life would be SO dull to me
without my "second life" and I honestly don't know how so many people get on in
the world without daydreaming like me.
They aren't just occasional daydreams anymore. This group of fictional
characters are pretty much my life. I know that it sounds absurd but I love them
SO much. I know them better than I know any of my real life friends. I know
things down to their mothers names, what their houses look like, what tv shows
are their favorites, the bands they like. My character is so close to them and I
have been through so much with this imaginary group. Three years worth of
"memories". This is the first time I have actually written all of my daydream
story out... and i'm actually a little shocked at how crazy this must sound.
I love Josh with all of my heart. He is a perfect boyfriend. He is a very shy
character but he has a lot of depth and see's idealized me like no one else in
any world can. He understands her. He tells her often that he doesn't agree with
her choices or that he's concerned about the way she is living, but he is still
VERY empathetic. Rebecca is a very outgoing character in comparison to my
isolated idealized self. Blake will be at "my" side in an instant if he knows
i'm feeling down, and Zac is the clown of the group who can make me smile and
laugh any time.
I am in my elaborate life every day. When I am in regular situations in life, I
think of what my group of friends would do if they were with me. They are
basically always in my mind. They do the smallest things with me. I swear that
if I could have one wish in my life, it would be a portal to some kind of
alternate dimension where I could live in my fantasy life. I know that most
people's daydreams change, like they have different characters and plots and
such, but does anyone's story sound like mine? Do any of you have the same dream
that you have basically stuck with for a very long time? How about the idealized
self thing? It's so weird how "I" can get along so well with my group of
daydreamed friends. They are the second half of who I am. Yet I find that when I
hang out with my "real" friends I become irritated and upset with them so
quickly. They just can't capture my heart on the level the group has. I have also been dating a guy for a year now, and he is a great guy and I do love him, but that doesn't keep Josh off my mind.
My daydreams aren't some impossible fantasy world like Narnia or anything.
They're regular people who are friends with a beautiful and troubled yet amazing
me. She has the greatest people in her life.
I don't want a "cure" for MD even though I can be withdrawn. I don't want some
magical cure that would rid Josh, Zac, Blake, and Rebecca from my life. They're
so close to my heart and I don't know if I even would be here today without
them... I might have gone overboard and tried to end myself like my "character"
did.
Am I insane for loving and knowing people so well, who aren't even real?!

[M Hunter]

Hey there. First off no you aren't insane for loving people who aren't real. My situation is somewhat similar.

As a kid I never really made emotional connections with other people. My family loved me and I loved them back but I never really made a connection as such and so I formed connections with characters from TV, Games, Films etc.  When I was about 6-7 I really got into Pokemon and I instantly connected with Team Rocket. I've always felt more closer to "bad guys". I used to daydream about being a new member of Team Rocket and stealing Pokemon with Jesse and James. It got quite bad because for a while I genuinely believed once I turned 10 (the age you have to be to become a pokemon trainer in the series) I would receive my first Pokemon and I would be able to join Team Rocket. When I found this wasn't the case I was devastated.

 Nowadays my daydreams usually involve a character from a TV show, game, etc that I am emotionally invested in. Despite having a partner in real life my fictional relationships feel so much better.

It's also worth mentioning that other than daydreaming I suffer from psychosis. I have two "imaginary friends" who I can physically see and hear. I don't control them in anyway. They have their own personalities and thoughts. One of them, Scott, I consider to be my best friend and he has been with me for nearly 7 years now. He has grown and aged a long side me. I don't care if he isn't "real" to everyone else. He will always be my best friend and I hope he doesn't go away.

I understand what it's like to get so emotionally involved with characters and I don't think it makes any of us crazy. You just need to find a way to control your MD and make sure it doesn't completely run your life for you. That's what I am trying to do. I don't want a "cure", simply some control.

I hope you manage to find what you are looking for.