My daydreaming is making me feel insignificant now.

[sasi]

I have been a lifelong daydreamer.Until a few months ago my daydreaming(mainly about a main character who is my partner)always made me feel better.However for a while now My daydreaming has become much more all consuming and is interfering with real life.I also am making myself unhappy.The problem is that my" partner" is usually a famous Hollywood star.I can make up great scenarios for a while then part of my mind gets a reality check and I start to think that I would never be beautiful/successful enough to attact this person.I feel constantly intimidated by all the media images of American stars .I also have built up (probably not true)this image of life in LA as all perfect and I feel so intimidated.Then my daydreaming just makes me feel worse and worse.

Does anyone have good suggestions to help?I would really like to get back to the point where I can dip into my daydreams occaisionally.I would also like to feel good about myself again and start enjoying the real life I do have.

Also any thourghts as to why my daydreaming pattern has suddenly changed after all these years?

 

As an aside ,I also want to say that I think this website is so great.A real support to know you are not alone.

[Bibby]

My daydreams change in this way from time to time.  Emotions from real life can trigger this.  Sometimes I wonder if life is smooth, old stuff from the past pops up.  Maybe time for a new "partner." Say a business man from a local store.

I'll make a change like this when my daydreams turn very negative and take me down.

 

[J Noland]

Sometimes I think that it would be possible to become beautiful/successful/famous enough to be with my choosen "celebrity." Maybe it is possible but it won't happen and that's what gets me down. He's really not the person I've made him to be and I'm not the person I imagine I am. What generally happens when I get my "reality check" is that I switch to a dd where I'm cold and I don't want anyone close to me. But I'm really just waiting for my mind set to shift back into a place where I can be with my celebrity again. Usually he's starring as someone I could meet in real life, sometimes he is really the actor. I don't know what would happen if I met him in real life- the universe would implode or something crazy like that. I've had those visions of the perfect LA lifestyle. And the perfect London lifestyle. Going to LA and seeing the gritty reality doesn't help dispell the fantasy for me. My only hope is to maybe find someone that I connect with in the real world. Part of that is trying to accept myself as the real person. I can see that it's possible because of these postings. I hope that by being open about these troubles we will find ways to solve these unique problems. I wish there were years of research to guide us. All I can tell you is I know what you're explaining and I feel it too.

[roxanne]

JeN just said something that caught my attention.  "Usually he's starring as someone I could meet in real life.."  I wonder why I don't use the movie/fictional character more - with the looks of the star I like.  Even with those looks, he would not seem unreachable if her were a "normal" person.

Earlier today, while I was on here, my husband gave me a DreamCatcher, from a Lakota Sioux school he has helped.   It really blew my mind - a dream catcher.  (It's supposed to let good dreams through to you, and keep the bad dreams out.  I have hung it right above the bed.)  It seemed an omen of good things to come.  Now JeN's statement (combined with DreamCatcher) reminds me of my 2 all-time favorite literary (DD) characters - one a Navaho from Tony Hillerman's novels, the other a Lakota Sioux named Oleppi.  Both resembles Jimmy Smits.  I never had problems thinking I would never be good enough; they never changed girl friends, etc.  I may just revisit the Great Plains before the White Man came.  

[J Noland]

So you don't actually dd about Jimmy Smits (a fine choice by the way)? I have a few different dd's with my celebrity as different people. His backstory varies wildly between the different dds but mine is usually pretty set up until I either move to England or become famous or whatever gives me the door to the dream. Does that even make sense? I've typed it about 5 different ways now. I need to wind down and get tired.

I love dream catchers but I've always been a bit afraid of them! Isn't that silly now that I've realised it? I guess I figure I have caught too many dreams but dream catchers are also like a filter to keep out bad dreams? The one you have was made to be real, not like the ones sold at the store. What a thoughtful gift to your husband and then from him to you! I never know what will trigger a dd to take hold. It's almost like your dreamcatcher is a portkey (Harry Potter reference!) to your 2 dds from the past.

roxanne said:

JeN just said something that caught my attention.  "Usually he's starring as someone I could meet in real life.."  I wonder why I don't use the movie/fictional character more - with the looks of the star I like.  Even with those looks, he would not seem unreachable if her were a "normal" person.

Earlier today, while I was on here, my husband gave me a DreamCatcher, from a Lakota Sioux school he has helped.   It really blew my mind - a dream catcher.  (It's supposed to let good dreams through to you, and keep the bad dreams out.  I have hung it right above the bed.)  It seemed an omen of good things to come.  Now JeN's statement (combined with DreamCatcher) reminds me of my 2 all-time favorite literary (DD) characters - one a Navaho from Tony Hillerman's novels, the other a Lakota Sioux named Oleppi.  Both resembles Jimmy Smits.  I never had problems thinking I would never be good enough; they never changed girl friends, etc.  I may just revisit the Great Plains before the White Man came.  

[Magenta]

I go through periods where I become depressed after a daydreaming session, or to use the term someone else coined in this forum, when I "crash".  What bothers me the most is that I will never have the relationships I have in my daydreaming world, and my heart literally aches when that reality sets in.  At that point, I either avoid daydreaming for a while or switch up my scenario a bit to distract me.  While I certainly wish I could be the woman in my daydreams, it's the relationships I have with my boyfriend and friends in my daydreams that I desperately long for.  I have a difficult time establishing friendships/intimate relationships with people and can be a bit socially awkward at times due to anxiety.  In my daydreams, I'm confident, funny, smart, physically fit, and talented.  My "ideal self" gives me something to strive for in real life, but the emptiness I feel from being without those relationships can be overwhelming at times.  A change of pace works for me temporarily. 

 

You are most definitely not alone!  I understand where you're coming from and hope this little blurb helps in some small way.

[sasi]

I am my own worst enemy.The honest truth is I do have some of the qualities that I aspire to it's just that I never feel good enough(big self esteem issues).I have a tendency to put others on a pedestal and media "perfection" just doesn't help me.

JeN-I am interested in 2 things.Firstly I am so filled with admiration that you realise you could be beautiful/successful/famous enough.I'm sure you could be.Any tips as to how I can get myself in a better position to believe those things about myself. 

Also could I ask that any of you with experience of LA/Hollywood share with me the gritty reality of it-the more realistic the better.I think if I can shatter my ideal visions it may help.

 

[J Noland]

Famous people are not at all special. I used to think that they were better looking, happier, more talented, special in some way. In fact just the opposite seems to be true (most of the time). I suggest looking up celebrities with out make up. Not to laugh at them or make fun of them but to see them as the regular people that they are. Anyone with reasonably symetrical features can be made up to look perfect. Add plastic surgery to that and anything is possible. I have a cousin who was in LA trying to be in the movie biz and she could not believe all of the cocaine and low self esteem. She was looking for the magical part that we assume is there but it's really a lot of smoke and mirrors, lots of people with personality disorders. The one thing that famous people are is lucky! Not everyone gets that big break that puts them up with the big stars. I don't think I could be a famous actress but I certianly have as much of a chance as any of them. I'm too old now and while I could diet down to a tiny size it won't happen. I think I'd get chewed up by all of the negative things in the movie business. Another website that I like is awfulplasticsurgery.com. It is amazing how celebrities will deny that they had work done. It's terrible for our self esteem thinking that we were born hideous. I didn't mean to say that it would be easy to become a celebrity, it's like winning a lottery! Celebrities are often consumed with worry over being a has-been or getting old, or a scandal coming out, etc. It isn't something I have the guts for at all. But I don't mind a nice little dd about it!

[sasi]

Thanks for that.I find that the more real facts I get about LA/hollywood stuff the more grounded I feel.I'm sure in reality I would hate to be famous as I like deep relationships with people and would find all the superfical stuff a nightmare.

However as you say DD always good

Any more  star lifestyle reality checks welcome!!

[Katherine]

Magenta, I feel exactly the same way ... I could have written that myself.  I have never had a boyfriend, I'm 30, so in my lowest moments I think how hideous and unlovable must I be.  Friends seem to come and go throughout my life ... I'm a loyal person and it sucks that people have used me or just ditched me when it's become inconvenient to carry on a friendship.  So now I try to still be nice to people but refuse to be a doormat any more.  I dream of one day meeting my Mr Darcy, but who knows if that will happen.

 

Re Hollywood etc, there was a programme on a few years ago called "Style her famous".  It was a makeover show, they'd get a member of the public who was a bit drab looking and do a make over on her which had been influenced by a celebrity.  Then they'd do a photo shoot at the end with her looking really glamourous.  It was incredible - the women started off looking so ordinary you wouldn't notice them in the street, but at the end they literally looked like movie stars. 

Magenta said:

I go through periods where I become depressed after a daydreaming session, or to use the term someone else coined in this forum, when I "crash".  What bothers me the most is that I will never have the relationships I have in my daydreaming world, and my heart literally aches when that reality sets in.  At that point, I either avoid daydreaming for a while or switch up my scenario a bit to distract me.  While I certainly wish I could be the woman in my daydreams, it's the relationships I have with my boyfriend and friends in my daydreams that I desperately long for.  I have a difficult time establishing friendships/intimate relationships with people and can be a bit socially awkward at times due to anxiety.  In my daydreams, I'm confident, funny, smart, physically fit, and talented.  My "ideal self" gives me something to strive for in real life, but the emptiness I feel from being without those relationships can be overwhelming at times.  A change of pace works for me temporarily. 

 

You are most definitely not alone!  I understand where you're coming from and hope this little blurb helps in some small way.

[J Noland]

Hair and make-up people can work wonders on everyday folks. Then film can be digitally altered or body doubles are used. It's almost criminal what they put us normal people through.

Also I was thinking today about a couple celebrities, Matt Damon and Hugh Jackman. They both have wives who are not famous. So one may argue that it's perfectly plausible to imagine not being Hollywood perfect but still getting that leading man. And those seem to be stable marriages.

[roxanne]

To add to that list: Denzel Washington.  He married a girl from one of his earliest films, and she dropped out of show biz altogether.  They've been married forever.  She is attractive & smart, but not super glamourous  and I think he's one of the handsomest men ever.

[sasi]

Having a bad dd day :(.Not sure why .Nothing specific happened but my dd today keep twisting into situations where I feel bad about myself(the usual I'm not good enough stuff).Thinking about it I've had a great few days of DD and I wonder whether this is the"crashing" thing that was talked about on another forum.Sometimes being in my own head too much is a pain.Tried doing other stuff-went to gym etc.I guess I really need to find a more permanent way to boost my self esteem.

Hopefully better day tomorrow