My Current Life Position

[Mill]

I had a job that interfered with my college so I planned on quitting. Only I was to anxious to quit and eventually I found myself the day before school with no schedule and still working. I just disappeared from my job I had fora year. I "quit" with out telling anyone and just stopped showing up. I registered for classes only to drop out after my first day of classes. I dropped my classes because I felt out of, feeling the vibe on where my life was headed. I kind of spawned a two-week depression period where my parents accused me of drug addiction and instead of helping me, forced me to go to drug addiction clinics. 

So I'm left here jobless, schooless, and overall helpless. I'm turning 21 by the start of the spring semester. It is WAY to late for me to go back to school. I have no job/personal references or even job experience I can use because disappearing has been my go-to way when leaving a job. 

Really my life is over. I struggle between "I'm still in this" and "Give up the fight and become an ascetic". I'm seriously considering the life of an ascetic. If I still try to hang in there I understand that my fate will be working long hours for little pay in entry level work and that'l lead me to a REAL drug problem. 

[Mill]

I've also totally isolated myself from everyone. I deleted facebook and threw away my phone. If anyone ever wanted to contact me, they would sure have problems finding me. 

[Mill]

For the record this is also completely relevant to daydreaming. Personality disorder or no personality disorder; How I feel about life is completely skewed off the type of emotions I can create in my head though thought. As long as the stimulus is there, I can't stop to create an idealistic world of myself. What I want in the real life changes drastically, that I have no direction in life.

[Iris]

Hi Mill, you are in a real down, but don't give up. I'm a daydreamer since I was a child and I know that my reflex to unpleasant situations is escaping, running away, daydreaming. I quit school one year before I should finish it (this is 12 years instead of 13 - I'm in Germany, we have a different school-system). So I was not able to go to university. Than I ran away from my mother to my husband into an early marriage. I can really understand you and I think that your parents can't help you now. I even think that you would not be a good ascetic :)

My advice: try to avoid daydream-triggers, tv and computer. Go for long walks (some hours), to make up your mind. If you have any idea, what to do, do it! There is no excuse not going to school or work, if you have lost one or even two years. You still can make it - maybe you just need this time. But don't neglect yourself.

All the best wishes for you.

 

[S K]

You could be writing my life story. I've dropped out of college and lost two internships,one of which may have turned into a job, though extremely low-paying.I had a breakdown of sorts a while ago,just before discovering this site.

Over here you can't join again (like in the next academic year) without an employers' recommendation and proof that you have been doing something worthwhile/working for a year. With health problems that are worsening because of social anxiety and an increasingly empty resume, I was/am having the same thoughts.

I thought about the ascetic thing but ascetics don't have daydreams of the grandiose variety and if they do, they aren't giving up the main thing-materialist ambition. Also asceticism isn't a solution to  a problem. It's a way to run away from it,and what if the ascetic schedule/rigour doesn't work out?

I don't know if you were serious about the ascetic post. I don't known if I was, or the thought was an extension or a function of my daydreaming- another escape. Anyhow I don''t have advice but that's my 2 cents.

[Mill]

I was very serious about being an ascetic. I think I would be very comfortable to live in isolation with out owning a single thing. In my current position I think it is the only thing that would make me happy. Though out history almost every religion/culture had some form of asceticism. Where are the ascetic people now? It's a taboo and those that remain are surely watered down like the monks who fly first class over seas. 

Ascetics do 3 things. Meditate, contemplate thoughts, and pray/chant. It's pretty much what we do except instead of fantasy, it's more logical and goal oriented. 

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I'm getting the jist that this is something a lot of people go though. I'm still stuck in the same hole though with out moving an inch. My daily routine is wake up at about 12pm, eat, watch tv, eat, watch tv, eat, computer, eat, eat, computer, tv, eat, tv, go to sleep at 2am. It's really depressing and very unhealthy. I know I'm not going to be able to keep this up forever. I want to find a job, but I don't want to work for $8.50 an hour. I want to go to school, but I would not get accepted to any school I apply to other than CC and CC won't really work because I'm to mentally unstable. 

When I used to work at Lowes, there were adults who commuted 45 minutes away for their job as a cashier making $11 because they could not afford to live in the county they worked in. They would get pissy at us (Us refering to the other high school employees) and we'd make fun of them because they were 25-55 years old working at lowes as their career. Every day I am closer to getting kicked out and being that I live in a very expensive county that's probably how I am going to end up. Having a two hour commute, earning modern day slave salary, with nothing to look forward to in life other than occasional drug use which unfortunately will grow more frequent as life gets shittier and shittier. 

That's what's going to happen to me. That's why asceticism appeals to me. I would ultimately win the game against the machine by choosing not to play it.  

[Iris]

Asceticism is the opposite of what you are doing right now. Try what I have recommended to you in my previous post. Go into nature for a day or more (without your cell-phone!). There you can find out whether this is a way for you, or you can make up your mind what to do. I am also sure that there are monastries of any religion, that are open to visitors for a few days. If you just stay in front of your tv, computer and fridge, nothing will change.

 

[S K]

I think iris has a good point. You could try asceticism for a while. to see if it suits you. But ashrams.convents do require time for chores -  cooking,cleaning,sweeping,dusting, etc.

My schedule pretty much resembles yours so I'm trying to look for a job nearby.If not maybe a job further away in a cheaper place. Most jobs are in more expensive places.

Unfortunately, unless you're part of a religious order, ashrams charge for staying, though you could do a search.

Mill said:

I was very serious about being an ascetic. I think I would be very comfortable to live in isolation with out owning a single thing. In my current position I think it is the only thing that would make me happy. Though out history almost every religion/culture had some form of asceticism. Where are the ascetic people now? It's a taboo and those that remain are surely watered down like the monks who fly first class over seas. 

Ascetics do 3 things. Meditate, contemplate thoughts, and pray/chant. It's pretty much what we do except instead of fantasy, it's more logical and goal oriented. 

------

I'm getting the jist that this is something a lot of people go though. I'm still stuck in the same hole though with out moving an inch. My daily routine is wake up at about 12pm, eat, watch tv, eat, watch tv, eat, computer, eat, eat, computer, tv, eat, tv, go to sleep at 2am. It's really depressing and very unhealthy. I know I'm not going to be able to keep this up forever. I want to find a job, but I don't want to work for $8.50 an hour. I want to go to school, but I would not get accepted to any school I apply to other than CC and CC won't really work because I'm to mentally unstable. 

When I used to work at Lowes, there were adults who commuted 45 minutes away for their job as a cashier making $11 because they could not afford to live in the county they worked in. They would get pissy at us (Us refering to the other high school employees) and we'd make fun of them because they were 25-55 years old working at lowes as their career. Every day I am closer to getting kicked out and being that I live in a very expensive county that's probably how I am going to end up. Having a two hour commute, earning modern day slave salary, with nothing to look forward to in life other than occasional drug use which unfortunately will grow more frequent as life gets shittier and shittier. 

That's what's going to happen to me. That's why asceticism appeals to me. I would ultimately win the game against the machine by choosing not to play it.