Moving on

[Katejoanne]

’m 16 years old, female, I live in the UK and about an hour ago, at 1:20am, I typed into Google i act out fantasies in my head.

What I do is act out fantasies in my head,  with me as the main character. The me in my fantasies however is an idealized version. For example I often change my name, age or give me a talent that I do not actually possess (singing, acting, dancing etc). I then proceed to elaborate on this by adding an often famous male companion with whom I fall deeply in love with. I have more friends than I do in real life and I am this perfect person who everyone adores. I literally act out the stories I imagine. When something sad happens I cry, when something good happens I smile. Music plays a key part in my fantasies or daydreams as I like to call them. I listen to my i-pod and if the “me” in my head is a singer I act as them singing along to the song. For about 3 years now I’ve had this disorder and over this time there have been 3 daydreams which have been incredibly in depth and detailed. I’ve never really worried about it, it was a healthy distraction from reality. Now however it has become unhealthy and my social, academic and family life’s are suffering. This is why I Google d it.

I was relieved and shocked at the number of people who are like me.Maladaptive Daydreaming is a condition in which an individual daydreams or fantasizes in an excessive manner. Some symptoms of Maladaptive Daydreaming are:

• A repetitive movement while daydreaming (pacing, shaking an object in your hands, rocking etc.) However only 89% of people with MD have a movement like this, and it is not necessary for daydreaming
• Listening to music while daydreaming is common
• If your daydreaming has begun to affect your real life
• Some people have reported dizziness, headaches and other physical symptoms after daydreaming.
• If you daydream more than you think is usual
• Some people who have this have symptoms similar to Asperger’s Syndrome, ADHD or OCD. However, you may actually have one of these disorders and MD.
• If your fantasies are very vivid
• Many MDers are emotionally attached to the characters they create within their daydreams
• People with this disorder often express the emotions they are feeling in their daydreams, and may cry, laugh, smile or make facial expressions according to what is happening in their fantasies.

I for example tap my fingers/hands constantly and often have to be told to stop. Music is the central part of my daydreams it’s what they all revolve around and include. As mentioned before, my real life has been affected I don’t socialize as much as I should if I appreciated my friends and family like I do. I feel dizziness and have been known to pass out for no reason and headaches are a norm. I daydream way more than is normal, it’s constant. I have mild OCD. My fantasies are incredibly vivid and the characters become my reality. I literally get up and act out the daydreams. Many people who have this disorder have reported that their daydreaming feels like an addiction - once they’ve started, they have trouble stopping. If you have this condition, you never intend for it to become like an addiction, nor could you have predicted it.

I am stopping my Maladaptive Dreaming before it gets out of control. Tonight or this morning or whatever 3am is I deleted all my triggers from my laptop and made a pact to myself to join a club of some sort, be a better friend, daughter, sister and human being. From tonight tomorrow i’m going to start to live my life.

I’ll keep you up to date and answer any queries or just chat. I’m new to this… I only found out 90 minutes ago… but i guess the more I learn the more I can help even if it’s just a little bit. http://maladaptivedaydreaming.tumblr.com/