MD and Trauma

[Iffa]

Hello guys !

I started daydreaming after a traumatic event when i was around 7. Was it the same for any of you in here? 

Would love to read your answers :) 

[Silver Swan]

Yes and no. It's a little twisty. I was born in a traumatic birth, where my mom was in labor for 48 hours, and the doctor did not bother to give her a Caesarean section. She was in agony for two days and wailing the whole time. She almost died with me in the hospital. I was never sure if this is why I had a mind that day dreamed way too excessively. I do know for certain, my whole life I was always very anxious in unfamiliar places and situations. Any new school, job, people bonding or trip left me feeling nervous and uneasy for a couple days. I'd be so over-reactive and shaky, maybe even weeping, that everyone around just stared at me like I was being so weird. Later on, I'd feel comfortably in place of my new change, but would fall into deep a day dream for hours. People would start to notice that I seem odd being so quiet and looking so far away, wondering what I'm doing or thinking. They'd start to manipulate me, because I'd just be standing there all quiet, looking all dopey and stupid to them, also very unfriendly. They'd start making noises and faces, even call me names like 'retard' and 'bitch.' The bullying eventually made me feel even worse about my life. I'd feel belittled, useless, cut out, uncool and friendless. So, I started day dreaming even more to escape the pressures of bullying and social anxiety. Apparently, my day dreaming got more excessive as I got older. I couldn't seem to stop, and I just continued to fantasize like 'breathing air.' 

However, my excessive day dreaming effected my reputation at school, as people could see me laughing with 'imaginary friends,' and they found that very strange, so they began teasing and gossiping about me everywhere I went. My mom actually didn't blame my peers because she felt no better towards the strange laughter. "They must be talking all about it at school," she commented. I realized later, that my behavior towards my day dreaming was wrong and I basically just humiliated myself in front of countless people.

So later in adulthood, I have learned to MD so much less, but felt internal guilt for ever doing it. My career began to fail, because of my inability to communicate, my lack of drive and my inability to work independently on my own. I ended up not making much money, so I now live with my mom who verbally punishes me every day.

So really, to turn it around, my maladaptive day dreaming lead me to feeling traumatized with feelings of guilt and regret. I am also shocked that my life turned out 'lousy' as a result of my maladaptive day dreaming. I never got to experience relationships and have a better life, because I was so hurt by the past and so hung up on my 'daydream life.' It breaks me that I never get to experience and enjoy a real life for a change.

Now that I am transforming and learned a very valuable lesson from all this, hopefully I can get a second change of living a healthier and happier lifestyle, which I believe that I still deserve.

[Iffa]

Thank you for your reply. 

My MD also gets worse as i grow older (i´m 26), i daydream pretty much all of the time, even when im walking my dog or when i go to the gym.  

I am also shocked that my life turned out 'lousy' as a result of my maladaptive day dreaming. This resonates with me so much... i need to find a way to stop the md but in order to do so i think it´s very important to find what caused it in the fist place. 

Silver Swan said:

Yes and no. It's a little twisty. I was born in a traumatic birth, where my mom was in labor for 48 hours, and the doctor did not bother to give her a Caesarean section. She was in agony for two days and wailing the whole time. She almost died with me in the hospital. I was never sure if this is why I had a mind that day dreamed way too excessively. I do know for certain, my whole life I was always very anxious in unfamiliar places and situations. Any new school, job, people bonding or trip left me feeling nervous and uneasy for a couple days. I'd be so over-reactive and shaky, maybe even weeping, that everyone around just stared at me like I was being so weird. Later on, I'd feel comfortably in place of my new change, but would fall into deep a day dream for hours. People would start to notice that I seem odd being so quiet and looking so far away, wondering what I'm doing or thinking. They'd start to manipulate me, because I'd just be standing there all quiet, looking all dopey and stupid to them, also very unfriendly. They'd start making noises and faces, even call me names like 'retard' and 'bitch.' The bullying eventually made me feel even worse about my life. I'd feel belittled, useless, cut out, uncool and friendless. So, I started day dreaming even more to escape the pressures of bullying and social anxiety. Apparently, my day dreaming got more excessive as I got older. I couldn't seem to stop, and I just continued to fantasize like 'breathing air.' 

However, my excessive day dreaming effected my reputation at school, as people could see me laughing with 'imaginary friends,' and they found that very strange, so they began teasing and gossiping about me everywhere I went. My mom actually didn't blame my peers because she felt no better towards the strange laughter. "They must be talking all about it at school," she commented. I realized later, that my behavior towards my day dreaming was wrong and I basically just humiliated myself in front of countless people.

So later in adulthood, I have learned to MD so much less, but felt internal guilt for ever doing it. My career began to fail, because of my inability to communicate, my lack of drive and my inability to work independently on my own. I ended up not making much money, so I now live with my mom who verbally punishes me every day.

So really, to turn it around, my maladaptive day dreaming lead me to feeling traumatized with feelings of guilt and regret. I am also shocked that my life turned out 'lousy' as a result of my maladaptive day dreaming. I never got to experience relationships and have a better life, because I was so hurt by the past and so hung up on my 'daydream life.' It breaks me that I never get to experience and enjoy a real life for a change.

Now that I am transforming and learned a very valuable lesson from all this, hopefully I can get a second change of living a healthier and happier lifestyle, which I believe that I still deserve.

[Silver Swan]

What caused my MD was an original star trek episode (60's series) that I watched on TV at the age of 12! I had my first crush on William Shatner in a biography I watched prior to the episode that triggered my MD. Then I started living in worlds where I went on adventures with Captain Kirk and even had a romance with him. I was only a kid!

So what triggered your MD? Take my advice, don't get sucked with admiration towards anyone who has no application to the life you lead. You don't know them and they don't care about you. Also, no matter how attractive and alluring a TV preview is, don't allow it to take over your mind!

I still have trouble fighting between reality and fantasy to this very day. I preferred my fantasies over my realities, because real life can be so very plain and boring. It also can't always give you what you want, and when your a grown up, you have to suck it up. You could disappointingly have no friends and relationships, not be successful, not have money, still depend on your folks, and not everybody will like you. In fact, people may play games with you, condescend on you, take advantage of you and blame you for things.

Trust only YOU, your friends and your loved ones. Believe in yourself. Don't let anybody put words in your mouth and put you down for their pleasure. I met too many people who I didn't want to see again.

LIFE is anything but what your dreams are weaving up. Most of the time it isn't fun at all. Unfortunately, I had to learn this the hard way.

Iffa said:

Thank you for your reply. 

My MD also gets worse as i grow older (i´m 26), i daydream pretty much all of the time, even when im walking my dog or when i go to the gym.  

I am also shocked that my life turned out 'lousy' as a result of my maladaptive day dreaming. This resonates with me so much... i need to find a way to stop the md but in order to do so i think it´s very important to find what caused it in the fist place. 

Silver Swan said:

Yes and no. It's a little twisty. I was born in a traumatic birth, where my mom was in labor for 48 hours, and the doctor did not bother to give her a Caesarean section. She was in agony for two days and wailing the whole time. She almost died with me in the hospital. I was never sure if this is why I had a mind that day dreamed way too excessively. I do know for certain, my whole life I was always very anxious in unfamiliar places and situations. Any new school, job, people bonding or trip left me feeling nervous and uneasy for a couple days. I'd be so over-reactive and shaky, maybe even weeping, that everyone around just stared at me like I was being so weird. Later on, I'd feel comfortably in place of my new change, but would fall into deep a day dream for hours. People would start to notice that I seem odd being so quiet and looking so far away, wondering what I'm doing or thinking. They'd start to manipulate me, because I'd just be standing there all quiet, looking all dopey and stupid to them, also very unfriendly. They'd start making noises and faces, even call me names like 'retard' and 'bitch.' The bullying eventually made me feel even worse about my life. I'd feel belittled, useless, cut out, uncool and friendless. So, I started day dreaming even more to escape the pressures of bullying and social anxiety. Apparently, my day dreaming got more excessive as I got older. I couldn't seem to stop, and I just continued to fantasize like 'breathing air.' 

However, my excessive day dreaming effected my reputation at school, as people could see me laughing with 'imaginary friends,' and they found that very strange, so they began teasing and gossiping about me everywhere I went. My mom actually didn't blame my peers because she felt no better towards the strange laughter. "They must be talking all about it at school," she commented. I realized later, that my behavior towards my day dreaming was wrong and I basically just humiliated myself in front of countless people.

So later in adulthood, I have learned to MD so much less, but felt internal guilt for ever doing it. My career began to fail, because of my inability to communicate, my lack of drive and my inability to work independently on my own. I ended up not making much money, so I now live with my mom who verbally punishes me every day.

So really, to turn it around, my maladaptive day dreaming lead me to feeling traumatized with feelings of guilt and regret. I am also shocked that my life turned out 'lousy' as a result of my maladaptive day dreaming. I never got to experience relationships and have a better life, because I was so hurt by the past and so hung up on my 'daydream life.' It breaks me that I never get to experience and enjoy a real life for a change.

Now that I am transforming and learned a very valuable lesson from all this, hopefully I can get a second change of living a healthier and happier lifestyle, which I believe that I still deserve.