(Maybe giving up on) looking for a therapist

[Gwenevere]

On a depressing, lonely night, I signed up for a free trial with Betterhelp.  The counselor I was matched with responded, "You have deep struggles.  Online therapy won't cut it."  One of my main friend confidants agreed that my struggles were deep, mentioning one of my main issues and also the daydreaming/reality disconnect.

I have talked with therapists before.  They ask questions, listen to your story, ask more questions, and more questions.  "Are you afraid of success?"  Genius.  Thanks, man.  Solved all of my problems by asking your textbook questions.   I'm already introspective.  I already know why I daydream (it's my go-to drug when I want to numb or enhance what I'm feeling).  I already know the nurture reasons behind the other main issue in my life, already know the the behavioral methods to cope with it, how to create the logbooks, etcetera.  

But still, I am looking through lists of therapists, reading their manipulative intros aimed at marketing and not helping, reading all the familiar acronyms--LPC, PhD, LCSW, CBT--and remembering how bizarre it is to arrive with my complex life and meet people who do not know me who expect to be able to take their CBT, ERP, DBT, and EMDR and organize me.  But, I'm not a cookie-cutter person who has a few problems attached.  No one is.  

So, I'm thinking, maybe it's time to just be my own therapist.  Journal a lot, think a lot.  I don't think I need a therapist.  I don't think they, in general, could help much.  But it's lonely being my own therapist and full of second-guessing.   By night, I realize I'm daydreaming my life away, but by the next morning, I just want to daydream all over again.  I need theologians, philosophers, Mother Theresas, Yodas, and a Gandalf or two.  I need sages who will sit with me as I hash out the existential issues which paralyze me, who won't flinch when I curl up and cry instead of hiding in a daydream.  

How did you find the therapist who helped you?
-or-
How did you/are you coping without a therapist?
-or-
How did you find real-live, three-dimensional, right-in-front-of-you people to help you through this journey?

Thanks for listening.



 

[Jui]

I haven't been on here lately but I really like what you said!

There are some situatioons where I feel the need to see a therapist but than again I think of all the stuff they would try doing and I kind of believe I can do that myself (maybe).
I had so e success rethinking stuff and changing patterns.

I hope you will find your way!

[Lynn E.]

I have had MDD for over 60 yrs (I recently found out that this was the name given the disorder that I had been experiencing most of my life). I have sat for hours in a trance -like state in fantasy land ....a place of unreality. 

When I was born my mother wanted a boy instead of a girl.....therefore I became a product of Rejection.  At age 6 Being alone a lot I began my world of fantasy trying to belong and be love and accepted. I married over 42 yrs ago, to good man, hoping to find love and acceptance, but due to the trauma of  rejection experienced and MDD fantasy  disorder  ,...my husband was unable to embrace and cherish me as his wife. Therefore,..I experienced rejection again on another level.

Prayer has sustained me and brought me to this place (where I am now) ....in the process of deliverance.  Therapy is not the answer...God is the answer to this problem. God cares for us and He loves us unconditionally !!!  Through prayer and Bible reading (and study) and seeking the face of God , He has heard me and had mercy on me, and he will do the same for you. 

I have spent most of my life in unreality ( another world) .....not living , just exiting...wasting precious time ,..that I cant get back. I don't want to waste any more of my time ....so I plan to pray and encourage everyone that I can that is paralyzed by this MDD disorder , and the root cause of it.  

I pray  that God will speak peace over your life (even now) , that He will strengthen you with might in the inner man, Consulate your heart , bare you up in his arms, and fill you with His spirit.  

He Loves you,....you are one of a kind !!!!   (nobody like you)   You have many gifts and talents that have not been tapped into,that  can be a blessing to so many people!!

 So, I encourage you,....be strong and of a good courage,....God will deliver you !!!    

Note:   Read  Psalms 91  every day ...........  it will bless you !

[Aj]

I stopped seeing therapists about a year ago, and I'm mostly happy with my decision. I make sure to journal a lot and talk to loved ones who understand (or who try to understand).  I've also benefitted from reading books about therapy (specifically Acceptance and Commitment Therapy); I find that I much prefer doing therapy through reading rather than through talking with a therapist. Still, like you said, it can feel a bit lonely at times.