Looking for some serious support

[Lily]

So, I've had MD my whole life and have had some symtpoms of anxiety and depression for years. Three months ago I felt I needed to do something about the depression so I went on celexa. I had posted a while ago saying that the celexa had definitely helped with the depression. Then last night happened. 

 

Pretty much out of no where I felt super depressed and started crying. This isn't totally out of the norm for me but it escalated very quickly. I felt totally out of control and like I wanted to destroy my condo (but didn't). Then I started thinking about a knife and cuting myself so I bleed. I didn't exactly want to kill myself. I wasn't thinking that I wanted to die. I just became obsessed and overwhelmed with thinking about cutting myself. 

 

I ended up cutting my hand a bunch of times with a knife. They're just deep scratches; didn't really bleed or anything. I am totally freaked out by this. I have NEVER done anything even kind of like this in my life. I felt completely out of control. 

 

I am almost 26 and have cut myself for the first time. I am really embarrassed about it because I'm not a teen and I associate cutting with being younger than I am.

 

Does anybody have any thoughts or feedback about this? I went to the doc today and they said it probably isn't a side effect of the celexa. I'm just really confused and scared. I never thought I was capable of something like this. 

[The Altruist]

I'm on Citalopram too(aka Celexa) and sometimes i go back to my old ways and will just spend the whole night suicidal, super depressed etc, did you recently up your dosage? I talked to my  therapist when it first happened and that is one of the side effects of it, when I first started taking it I also got itchy/irritated shins lol, and had even more trouble getting to sleep.

[latrice]

maybe the reason you are cutting yourself is because of the medication. sometime mediaction that doctor give may not be the right ones. maybe it effect you mind some kind of way because you said you never did this before.

[Harry]

Hey,

You should not need medication to get out of depression if it is because of MD. I have been very very depressed several times in my life in the last 5-6 years and felt like committing suicide too. But when I realize that the depression and anxiety has been created by the fantasies I was imagining  in my head I feel better, though still depressed.  Most of my problems have originated out of my daydreaming and reducing it solves most of my problems and I believe should help you too. I have no experience with medication but have some experience with meditation and it really helps. It gives you the mental strength to counter the urges to daydream. Though I am still struggling with  MD but have been successful in controlling it to some extent. I think this is the right way to do it. Medication perhaps does not removes the old impressions you have created due to Daydreaming and may come back once you stop taking medication and you may not be strong enough to stop dreaming.