Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest
I'm new on here anfter coming across this site after a google search.I really thourght I was the only person who had lived the last 30ish years running a parrallel daydream world.
In real life I am very happily married to a lovely man and have 2 great kids.I have a good job that I enjoy and plenty of friends.My "fantasy"world comes from a very disfunctional childhood and I realised it helped me cope and survive what happened.
I fantasise usually scenarios that involve a character from TV as my partner.There daydreams can get very involved and I do get emotionally attached.My problem comes when I find out things about their real lives e.g.they are married.I then feel devastated-as I would if it had actually happened in my real relationship.While my head knows that this is crazy I can't help the emotions.My latest fantasy life has become a bit too all consuming and for the first time ever has started to intrude on my life the last couple of months.Recently I found out that this actor was married and am now all over the place.
Does anyone else have a similar story?How do you manage it??
Hi,everybody. This has become like home to me on this blog. Swan, I totally understand getting into the DD so much that I fantasized meeting the person - even telling myself I owed it to myself to at least try. I never did, and now that I'm older don't even think along those lines. However, I did meet other stars - mostly sports stars - and had they been a dream crush, they would have been disappointing. I'm sure this is true of my actual crushes.
Ana, building your own world seems like an awesome idea, but I am so hooked on the internet to keep feeding the dream. I wonder what else we could use. I used to use astrology charts, back in the day before internet.
Sasi, I think you hit on something really key to this whole dilemma; their purpose is to bolster us & entertain us, not to drag us down. On the other hand, I am unwilling to sacrifice their intensity if that is the only way I regain control. But we are a bunch of smart people; surely we can come up with tips as to how to manage this, without giving up the energy & lushness of it. Hopefully, we will all keep the conversation going.
Like you I find this site such a huge support.It always makes me feel better if things are not going so well.
I hope you can enjoy your "binge" and that it makes you feel really good about yourself.I also wish for you to enjoy all the good things that happen on your birthday in reality as they are the things that really count.
Things going ok with me at the moment.Am finding that not looking at pictures of my "crush" helps keep the fantasy in my control much better,so trying to keep that up as long as possible.
Crookedgoblin-are you back from your trip?How did it go?
Thanks again to all on this thread for such great advice and for sharing so generously.
It's so strange how the mind works isn't it?
My advice would be to imagine him as he is/was when you last saw anything about him and try to resist all temptation to look at anything else.
How do you feel now about your old crush?
I just read through alot of the tips given here and compiled them.
I. When trying to get over someone, for whatever reason, keep him/her in your fantasy, but on the sideline, while you hopefully supplant him/her with someone else. This seems much easier than going cold turkey, and gives the added advantage of seeming to give you the upper hand.
- Try not to see, or even imagine, his/her face, as faces and facial expressions hold some special power.
II. Find someone new:
- someone less in the limelite
- someone maybe older and more private
- a married actor/celebrity who hopefully won't be changing partners (assuming you can ignore spouse to begin with)
- a character in a novel
- someone who is dead (assuming you can ignore that fact)
- find someone with a flaw, that helps you feel better about yourself.
III. Once you have found a replacement - and this might take quite a few tries to get the right charisma, etc. - just print photo of him/her and try just using that. Ban internet, entertainment shows, magazines, etc. (This is VERY tough. But many of us did much better in past before we had all these instant updates.) Try things like astrology charts (free celebrity charts available on internet) to fuel different story lines. Maybe we could provide a service for each other by providing basic info (hometown, date of birth, past marriages, filmography, etc.) without current romances and tabloid stuff.
I was wondering how things were going with you.It sounds as though you are just about controlling your former obsession.Does he still trigger an emotional response when you think about him?
I am still with the same replacement.I still try not to access any info about him at all just to look at a still photo of him because even neutral information makes me feel weird.I think I have built up such a firm fantasy of him that anything in real life about him jars with this.I do worry about seeing things in the press if he has a new film out(next year I think) or if he get's married etc but try not to think about it.It's weird but in a way I hope his career flops so he dissapears from the media completely.
Strangely i am watching the current tv series with my former "crush" in at the moment.I actually have no feelings at all when I see him.I do still often have him on the sidelines in my fantasy just out of habit but I always ignore him and make a point of striking up conversation with his co-star instead.This seems to be fine so far.
Let me know how you keep doing