Longstanding daydreams and what happens when facts get in the way???

Hi Everyone,

                  I'm new on here anfter coming across this site after a google search.I really thourght I was the only person who had lived the last 30ish years running a parrallel daydream world.

  In real life I am very happily married to a lovely man and have 2 great kids.I have a good job that I enjoy and plenty of friends.My "fantasy"world comes from a very disfunctional childhood and I realised it helped me cope and survive what happened.


  I fantasise usually scenarios that involve a character from TV as my partner.There daydreams can get very involved and I do get emotionally attached.My problem comes when I find out things about their real lives e.g.they are married.I then feel devastated-as I would if it had actually happened in my real relationship.While my head knows that this is crazy I can't help the emotions.My latest fantasy life has become a bit too all consuming and for the first time ever has started to intrude on my life the last couple of months.Recently I found out that this actor was married and am now all over the place.

 Does anyone else have a similar story?How do you manage it?? 

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Its not a cure, but as long as I use it, it keeps about 90% of the tics away

I made a documentary of my experience getting it if it interests you. Its an hour long though, so I understand if it doesnt.


You can find my vid on MDDing on that channel too

I will check out Cordelia's writings. Thanks for the tip

I totally relate to this! till last year, when facts got in the way, i would get very emotional. It was really hard. But in the last couple of months I kinda learned to "change" the facts, to managed them to fit in my daydream world like when I discover that the actor that is my boyfriend was dating someone in real life, at first i got sad but then my mind decided that he was cheating on her with me. Now I do this with any fact that get in the way, doesn't hurt that much anymore.

Another Roxanne!! And another Jen.  I will be interested to know if this continues to work.  I am hoping it does.  It is a mystery why this isn't easy to do when the whole thing is made up.  Why we even give it a second thought?  Is there some sort of subconscious contract we make with ourselves to make this utter fantasy more grounded in reality?  What is this about?  Why can't we just shrug off any new facts about our crushes, ignoring them altogether or fitting them nicely into new sexy plot.  Good luck, Jen Rox, and keep us posted.

Melissa - I can't get audio on my computer now.  Will try post on Kindle.  Is there any way to get a script of what is said while still getting video?  I am very computer illit., sorry to say, so forgive what is probably a very stupid question.


There is a way to get subtitles on youtube, but the program is so wonky that what is written is not at all what is said

I just watched video on Kindle where I can get sound.  It is amazing.  What a breakthrough.  I am so happy for you.

Elvis impersonators are all impersonators of the same guy. if you told one of them that they weren't really Elvis, I don't think they'd get  too upset. If you met them, they wouldn't really have the same personality as Elvis either. Your actor husband is like the impersonator and the real actor is the real Elvis. 

What an interesting perspective.

I am so glad you posted this. I've been going through the same thing. It's hard to talk to just anybody about it. I don't feel I can talk to my fiance'. There is an actor who I liked and created characters based on him. It was a great fantasy to be in. I did some research on this guy last week and found an interview with him on youtube. In the interview he described very graphically the making of sex scenes in movies and how one co-star was breast feeding at the time and was afraid she'd leak when he kissed her breast for the scene. Every other word out of his mouth was a curse word. I'm not prudish, but I had placed this man on a bit of a pedastal and am now very disappointed to find out how he really is. I feel crazy because I don't know this guy and never will and yet I'm so depressed about it. It feels almost like a betrayal. I talked to my sister who told me she used to do the same thing, including needing to walk around and listen to music while she daydreamed. She told me that people who were raised in the kind of dysfunctional homes we were are prone to do the daydreaming. I was glad that my sister understood. I feel so depressed since I saw that interview, though. Am I losing my mind? How do I get through this?

Those of us who have been there can totally relate to what you are going thru.  Your "heart" (for want of a better word) does not know that this guy was only real in daydreams.  You experienced the same emotions as if he were "real."  So you are now experiencing the same feelings as if someone in "real" life had betrayed you.  It feels exactly like a betrayal.  And people who have not been there really are not going to understand. 

We have discussed this at length in this particular discussion site.  Probably the main ways people learn to control it are: finding some one else - maybe less popular so there aren't as many tabloid stories about him.  Don't seek out any info on him - of course sometimes it just comes to you anyway.  Turn to fictional characters as they aren't going to surprise you.  Try to reassert your own control over the situation - think of yourself as the director of this movie - and take the parts of the character you like & ignore the rest.  When all of this fails - as it did with me - you learn to "live" with him in different ways.  It is now kind of a love-hate relationship.  He is often on the sidelines while I get involved with someone else.  (Unfortunately the other relationship never lasts.)  I imagine that he is very unhappy for various reasons.  I meet him for one night fling & leave him in middle of night.  Whatever. 

But know that we get it.

So I can relate to everything here, I guess I have escaped to my world since I was about 5 (30 now). I don't know why I guess there is some unknown trauma but don't quite know what. Anyway now its my escapism to get to a world where I am a better person. Mainly I use plots that I make up, tv is definitely my trigger. I get real facts ruining the story line often, you see I use straight celebrities that have to be gay in my world as I am. If I find they have boyfriends etc it really affects me personally even though I knew they straight all along, I have to change my whole story once I see solid evidence in real life, its adds to the story but I find it hard to deal with, I'm trying to stop daydreaming at the minute, but I'm miserable, trying to stop is making me feel more crazy then when I used to talk to the walls, fridges, pillows etc....

Wow, you have my total sympathy.  That is such a hard situation to be in.  Have you ever fantasized about anyone gay?  Like Portia DiRossi - course she is married, but I have always been able to explain away existing relationships.  I don't know if you can do that.  She is so gorgeous.  Who are the other lesbian actresses?  It would seem much easier for them to come out as I think, as a society, we are much more accepting of lesbian relationships than gay ones.  I have some gay male friends who - in real life - actually prefer straight men, so maybe that is your situation.

Trying to stop would make me totally nuts.  I find balancing the 2 worlds is the only thing that works for me.  I am older than you and have been doing this a long time.  You can have access to both worlds, I do believe.

Funny you say that Portia DR was in my world many years ago, in her Ally McBeal days about 15 years ago. I think ay actual relationship bothers me. I quite enjoy the new story lines when I have to change them because of finding iut differrent things, but I get to a real point of obsessing in reality occasionally which I have to stop, researching etcbut usually I keep both worlds separate. There are loads of lesbian actresses but I get new story lines with tv programmes and movies and usually my world links to people in those.

Mm starting to think stopping isn't really doable now a few days in and I'm going mad!


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