Longstanding daydreams and what happens when facts get in the way???

[sasi]

Hi Everyone,

                  I'm new on here anfter coming across this site after a google search.I really thourght I was the only person who had lived the last 30ish years running a parrallel daydream world.

  In real life I am very happily married to a lovely man and have 2 great kids.I have a good job that I enjoy and plenty of friends.My "fantasy"world comes from a very disfunctional childhood and I realised it helped me cope and survive what happened.

 

  I fantasise usually scenarios that involve a character from TV as my partner.There daydreams can get very involved and I do get emotionally attached.My problem comes when I find out things about their real lives e.g.they are married.I then feel devastated-as I would if it had actually happened in my real relationship.While my head knows that this is crazy I can't help the emotions.My latest fantasy life has become a bit too all consuming and for the first time ever has started to intrude on my life the last couple of months.Recently I found out that this actor was married and am now all over the place.

 Does anyone else have a similar story?How do you manage it?? 

[sasi]

I have been so inspired by this I have ordered The book by the documentary maker.It's called "Reality Bites Back".I have also just watched a very good documentary online with a similar theme about women's portrayal in advertising.

link is: http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/killing-us-softly-3/

 

[roxanne]

That is definitely worth watching & deals with many of the same issues, as MissRepresentation.  Both are American, but it seems that there is a similar media manipulation going on  in England.  I wonder if this is true in the rest of Europe, say, or Canada?  My impression of Scandinavia is that everyone is lean, healthy, active.  (I suppose it could really be rough there if you were overweight.)

[roxanne]

I'm anxious to hear what you think of the book.  It would have a lot more info than the documentary, I assume.  But it struck me as very intelligently done.

[roxanne]

MissRepresentation (the documentary) will re-air on 11/12 at 11 AM on OWN.  Well worth seeing.

[LD]

I do this too, but with real people not TV characters (usually not people I know well, people who I see on a regular basis but don't really talk to  - e.g., coworkers in a different department). Usually, I use it as an opportunity to sit and parse through what the "real" facts are and what ideas I came up with myself. Although this process can really suck, it helps to ground me so I don't get upset.

 

[roxanne]

Welcome, LD.  So you do this with actual people.  Are they romantic fantasies?  And when you find out something about them that conflicts with what you have made up about them, do you usually go on to someone else?  Re-write your original script?

[LD]

Hi - thanks for the welcome!

Yes, I do this with real people. They are romantic usually, but not always. Whether or not I continue depends on what I find out about them. If it's a personality trait or something I don't like (e.g., substance abuse, being a huge jerk) then I move on. If it's being married or being in a relationship then usually not (if I'm being honest) - like you suggested, I just re-edit my script (e.g., they really want to be with me, but can't).

[roxanne]

That adds such a new twist.  I'm not sure I could be around someone on a regular basis that I felt that way about.  Well, on second thought, I'm sure I could.  But it would definitely up the ante.  Do you, for instance, dress every day with them in mind?  Are you aware of what you are saying when you are around them, so that you come off a certain way?  Or are they really relegated to DD status.  Sasi lives somewhat near one of my "crushes", and that just freaks me out.  And it's not even me.

I'm really curious as to how that works for you.  Have you ever used celebrities?

[LD]

I have used celebrities from time to time, but I think I need the potential for reciprocity for it to really take off. I do try to present myself in a certain way, etc...  to these people but it's really just to get fodder for the DDs, now that I think about it. So, they are relegated to DD status...while keeping open the (incredibly unlikely) possibility that they turn out to be just as I imagine them.

 

[roxanne]

Wow, that is intriguing.  I'm looking around now, but after yers of celebrities, it's hard to find some one who looks interesting.  From time to time, my husband does play in my fantasies, which is always nice.

[roxanne]

That documentary on MissRepresentation airs Sat. morn. on Oprah channel at 11 AM EST.  It is SO worth watching.

[roxanne]

I don't know what this has to do with this thread, but somehow it just seemed appropriate here.

I recently went brunette to sort of match my DD persona.  I've been every color, but had been a red head for a while.  Blonde for years before that.   But now I'm brunette, and my husband seems to love it, so...