Longstanding daydreams and what happens when facts get in the way???

[sasi]

Hi Everyone,

                  I'm new on here anfter coming across this site after a google search.I really thourght I was the only person who had lived the last 30ish years running a parrallel daydream world.

  In real life I am very happily married to a lovely man and have 2 great kids.I have a good job that I enjoy and plenty of friends.My "fantasy"world comes from a very disfunctional childhood and I realised it helped me cope and survive what happened.

 

  I fantasise usually scenarios that involve a character from TV as my partner.There daydreams can get very involved and I do get emotionally attached.My problem comes when I find out things about their real lives e.g.they are married.I then feel devastated-as I would if it had actually happened in my real relationship.While my head knows that this is crazy I can't help the emotions.My latest fantasy life has become a bit too all consuming and for the first time ever has started to intrude on my life the last couple of months.Recently I found out that this actor was married and am now all over the place.

 Does anyone else have a similar story?How do you manage it?? 

[J Noland]

I'm skipping around dd scenarios lately. I can't seem to focus on just one. My crush is working hard being several different roles. I have been busy moslty and was out of town so I think my energy has been scattered. A new girlfriend for your crush? I don't know how I would handle knowing my crush's dating details. I would probably try and think that he was lonely and trying to fill a void that only I could fill. Or that the tabloids are having a slow gossip day and just made up a story. Perhaps his publisist wanted to maintain a ladies man-type image while he's really a one woman man, and by "one woman" I mean ME!

I'm hearing lots of flu stories, I hope you're feeling better!

roxanne said:

He's switched girl friends again.  I found I couldn't really DD much at all today.  Just sort of emotionless.  I haven't been well and that may have added to ennui.  Hope to get a little zip back in my step.

How's everyone else doing?

[roxanne]

What's going on in everyone's DD love life?  

Sasi, are you still going back & forth between two?

JeN, are you still with the same crush - how long has it been? - but still skipping around different scenarios?

I'm still skipping around; pretty much same scenarios, but different people.  

What about anyone else?

[sasi]

I'm pretty much constantly with the same crush now.It's been a couple of months now.The crush I was going back and forth with still in my dd but rarely as my main man.Weirdly my original"problem"crush has been on tv recently with his wife.Turns out I recognise her from another show and didn't like her then and didn't like her any better when I saw her recently.She now turns up in dd with the various other men in the scenario moaning about what a nightmare she is.My "problem"crush never really registers.

How's it going with you.Has your crush/his girlfriend released their stranglehold at all?

[roxanne]

Yes, it's less, and nothing seems quite as intense.   I miss it all, but can't get the old feeling back, and so I jump around.

I love how the wife is the object of scorn by other men in your DD.  Have you continued to stay away from any gossip?  That is really helpful.  On the other hand, it's hard to stay away from everything.

[sasi]

I really do stay away from gossip stuff these days.I even avoid looking at the front covers of the gossip mags when I am in shops.I also am really careful about what I watch on TV.

 I can't tell you what a difference this has made to life in general let alone DD.Makes me realise what a complete waste of time,energy and brain space these things are.

There are so many richer sources of entertainment out there.Some good quality TV,books and REAL PEOPLE whose lives I am actually interested in!!

I have also resisted all temptation to look up anything about my crush.It makes him so much easier to personalise to my tastes.

[roxanne]

Good for you.  Do you get the Oprah network in London?  She had a documentary on last night that reminded me of many discussions on this thread.  Many interesting women were on & contributed to discussion:  Katie Couric, Diane Sawyer, Gloria Steinham, Lisa Ling, Jane Fonda, Geena Davis, many more.  The woman who wrote & produced documentary talked to many Hollywood producers, directors, screen writers, actors, media moguls - Paul Haggis, Sam Mendes, etc.  Any way, they all seemed to agree that women were the main consumers of goods & of TV time.  In order to sell their products they needed to create a never-ending need in women that they could then cater to.  Specifically the need to be thin, young, beautiful. They talked to mag. editors who said they would keep making ideal thinner & thinner, younger & younger, so that we could never achieve it, but would keep buying products, tuning in to get advice & see examples of what we wanted, and track the progress of stars.

The panelists were asking us to go on a media fast of all entertainment type shows, stop buying celebrity tabloids, and fashion mags in general, stop supporting any one who is unhealthy, etc.  

Among other things, they said that 65% of American women & girls now had an eating disorder.  That we spend more time thinking about food& dieting than anything else.  (Course one of my favorite surveys was done in your neck of the woods on 3000 Londoners; they found that 10% - 300 women- said they felt guiltier about cheating on their diets than cheating on their husbands. :) I had to laugh at that.)  And Katie Couric wondered what we could do in this world if women spent 1/2 that time and money on solving hunger, for example.  I thought of  our discussion site here.

[sasi]

That documentary sounds exactly up my street.I'm not sure we get the Oprah network here.Of course I know who she is but her following here is nowhere near as big as in the US.did the documentary have a title?I would like to try and find it to watch online if I can.

I totally agree that we can invest our time and money in far more worthwhile causes.Go Oprah!!

[roxanne]

Yes, the documentary was entitled MissRepresentation, (I think).  I'll check & get back later, if that's not it.  It made you feel totally manipulated.  I just was out & looked over celebrity mags & "women's mags."  They all are about weight, appearance, even ones like Prevention that used to be just about health.  They have several rating celeb. bodies.  They talked about how they used to make models unrealistically beautiful by using perfect make-up, hair style, flattering poses, etc.  Now they just electronically alter them.  I remember when Kate Winslett spoke up and said they had altered her on Vanity Fair, or one of mags.  Good for her again.  I pity young girls coming up today.  Whatever you look like, they will tell you that it's not good enough.  In fact, that is the message to all women:  as you are, you are not enough - so buy our product, watch our show, etc. & we'll show you how to get better.

Then Rosie O'Donnell did a live talk show with the film's writer, Gloria Steinem and others, afterward.  Some of info I got there.  That was called the Doc (for documentary) Club with Rosie O'Donnell.  I think they are going to do a number of doc.'s on women's issues.  All on Oprah's channel called OWN (Oprah Winfrey Network.)  Of course she has had a public struggle with weight all her life.

[roxanne]

http://www.oprah.com/own-doc-club/Miss-Representation-Trailer

See if that helps get you in.

[sasi]

Thanks for the link. I can't get OWN here and no showings of the documentary in England yet. I have signed up to Missrepresentation website as I feel very strongly about this subject. Thanks for the "heads up" about it. It makes me realise I'm not completely crazy feeling so intimidated by all this Hollywood/ media manipulation. 

roxanne said:

http://www.oprah.com/own-doc-club/Miss-Representation-Trailer

See if that helps get you in.

[J Noland]

Wow I wish I would have known that was on! I'll check out the link to see what I missed. I couldn't agree more with the part about women getting tricked into feeling like we're not good enough. It's just as bad as cigarette ads. Sad but true, I am part of the problem because I'm always buying magazines and beauty products.

roxanne said:

http://www.oprah.com/own-doc-club/Miss-Representation-Trailer

See if that helps get you in.

[J Noland]

I watched the trailer and it has me all fired up! Amazing how women are marginalised and sexualised. And we are even led to think it is a form of power; the sexier you are the more important you are. I'm going to tell all of the people I work with about this. Thank you, roxanne for mentioning this!