Longstanding daydreams and what happens when facts get in the way???

[sasi]

Hi Everyone,

                  I'm new on here anfter coming across this site after a google search.I really thourght I was the only person who had lived the last 30ish years running a parrallel daydream world.

  In real life I am very happily married to a lovely man and have 2 great kids.I have a good job that I enjoy and plenty of friends.My "fantasy"world comes from a very disfunctional childhood and I realised it helped me cope and survive what happened.

 

  I fantasise usually scenarios that involve a character from TV as my partner.There daydreams can get very involved and I do get emotionally attached.My problem comes when I find out things about their real lives e.g.they are married.I then feel devastated-as I would if it had actually happened in my real relationship.While my head knows that this is crazy I can't help the emotions.My latest fantasy life has become a bit too all consuming and for the first time ever has started to intrude on my life the last couple of months.Recently I found out that this actor was married and am now all over the place.

 Does anyone else have a similar story?How do you manage it?? 

[Story_Teller]

Hmmm, but you're married too?  Why doesn't that piece of information interfere with your daydreaming?

 

Personally if I'm inspired by someone from TV, I usually take that person and change him into someone completely different anyway.  Like I might give him a totally different personality, and when I see interviews with him and he seems "different" than the person in my head, it doesn't bother me because I know the person in my head has become my own creation.  The same goes with the real actor being married and so forth; it doesn' t matter because the fictional person in my head is soooo single!  :p  

 

But if I'm really turned off by what I discover is the actor's real life or personality, then I might completely abandon that daydream and pick up another one.  It doesn't really have an emotional effect on me. 

[Magenta]

I absolutely do this!  If I become interested in an actor/character on TV or in movies, I'll begin to research them online.  If I find out they are married, have some sort of addiction, or are unappealing in some other way, it completely turns me off and I abandon ship.

[Drake]

I always just take characters from tv shows and adapt their personalities to my liking. Usually I'm the main character in these daydreams though :3

[Lizzy]

I'm usually the main character too

Drake said:

I always just take characters from tv shows and adapt their personalities to my liking. Usually I'm the main character in these daydreams though :3

[Roxie]

If I'm fantasizing about a character from a movie or on TV, I really don't care about the actor's private life. What bothers me is when the character gets married, or when his personality changes too much, or worse, when he dies. I get very upset when that happens.

Actually, it happened to me a few months ago. The character I was fantasizing about began to act more friendly towards a certain female character, who obviously had feelings for him, and I got jealous. They never became a couple because they both died in the end, but I didn't care. The only thing that helped me get over the jealousy was trying to imagine myself as her. It also helped that she looked very much like me. I had a lot more trouble coping with his death, though, and that was when I really got emotional about it.

Usually, nothing really helps when facts get in the way, except finding someone new to fantasize about, and that's exactly what happened in my situation.

[Tabitha Duncie]

I'm like this Story-Teller,  I don't tend to get too bothered with them being married etc as they are just a starting point on which I build a character.  I only ditch them if I find that person has beliefs or hobbies that I find abhorrent to me.

Story_Teller said:

Hmmm, but you're married too?  Why doesn't that piece of information interfere with your daydreaming?

 

Personally if I'm inspired by someone from TV, I usually take that person and change him into someone completely different anyway.  Like I might give him a totally different personality, and when I see interviews with him and he seems "different" than the person in my head, it doesn't bother me because I know the person in my head has become my own creation.  The same goes with the real actor being married and so forth; it doesn' t matter because the fictional person in my head is soooo single!  :p  

 

But if I'm really turned off by what I discover is the actor's real life or personality, then I might completely abandon that daydream and pick up another one.  It doesn't really have an emotional effect on me. 

[Helen]

This is what I do. I only tend to use a character for my fantasy rather than the real life actor. Although I put myself in the story as another character already there rather than my actual self. I had a problem with a long running fantasy I had where the character changed who he apparently loved and after spending years with myself as one character  found it hard to change "myself" to be the new girl. My fantasies have to stick to the main storyline and I can only branch off to "unseen" footage as it were! If the character dies, I cannot use them anymore. I cant go against what has happened in the show for some reason. I cant even backtrack to an earlier time. Dead is dead for me in my fantasy world. Luckily neither of my original characters died in the show and even though its been a year since it finished I have played out a whole life for them which is now undisturbed by the on screen storyline!

Roxie said:

If I'm fantasizing about a character from a movie or on TV, I really don't care about the actor's private life. What bothers me is when the character gets married, or when his personality changes too much, or worse, when he dies. I get very upset when that happens.

Actually, it happened to me a few months ago. The character I was fantasizing about began to act more friendly towards a certain female character, who obviously had feelings for him, and I got jealous. They never became a couple because they both died in the end, but I didn't care. The only thing that helped me get over the jealousy was trying to imagine myself as her. It also helped that she looked very much like me. I had a lot more trouble coping with his death, though, and that was when I really got emotional about it.

Usually, nothing really helps when facts get in the way, except finding someone new to fantasize about, and that's exactly what happened in my situation.

 

[Lori]

I'm glad you posted this. In the past I would have long term "crushes" on a member of a music group and when discovering that the man was married, or perhaps other facts about his life that I didn't know, I would become depressed and feel really stupid. As time went on I realized how hard this was for me and I just actually would avoid reading anything about them or sometimes even listening to their new music which is odd, since I often really enjoyed it. The newness of it would make me realize that I wasn't a part of his life in reality.

Recently I've become enamored of a few players in a local sports team and when I get to the sports section of our paper I take a deep breath and remind myself that this is reality, and its OK to find out new stuff. I either read an article about the team or I don't, but I take it slow and it seems to be OK. I really brings it down, but I generally don't mind it somehow. Not like in the past. 

Sorry to go on, but I once met a musician that I had a HUGE long term crush on and I was thoroughly disappointed! I still harbored a little crush for a while afterward but boy, was that a let-down. He actually liked me quite a lot, but I lost interest! Maybe that's why I don't let it get out of control anymore.

[roxanne]

Your brain doesn't actually know the difference between real & intense fantasy love.  The system of endorphins works the same.  Thus, you can experience the same emotions of hurt, betrayal, loss, and jealousy, as well as all the 'high' emotions that we are looking for.

[roxanne]

Sasi, how have you fared with your dilemna, finding out that your crush was married?  Let me know if anything worked.  It seems that most people just go on with someone else.  That seems hard if it's lasted a long time.

[Julie]

Reading posts on this site, I've discovered different ways of day-dreaming. For some people the facts are not necesserily at all - they get the trigger (like nice soundtrack) and the mind is flowing. For some people the facts are important to start the story but they don't feel bad, if changing them later. For some people the facts are  very important and the pieces from reality should match a day-dream, otherwise it breaks. I belong to the last group and I guess, you also belong to it.

If I understand correctly, whay you meant (when the facts interfere with your fantasy), this was my case as well. For example, I could imagine a certain famous person to have certain attitudes, believes (I read some things in interview and imagined the rest) and when I found contradictory facts, I was getting upset. I was getting upset that the facts don't match the dream. Not necesserily it was a famous person. For example, I used to imagine one guy from my work, whom I barely know, to be an introverted loner, almost expressing Aspie traits and then I found out he was very outgoing and happily married. This made me upset and I felt stupid because I couldn't even blame that guy that he didn't behave in a way, I wanted him to behave.

[roxanne]

I totally understand this.  And it is so hard and painful to wrap your mind around it.  It's like a betrayal in a way.  This is the major downside to the whole thing for me.