Life is no Dream

[Silver Swan]

I treated LIFE way too much like it could be a dream....seriously. I didn't test the waters!

I expected to experience relationships and have a very nice life, since I was a teenager. I figured guys were going to start liking me and getting to know me. I believed I'd one day be a well favored person. I thought that I was going to get married and have a family....move out.

However, everything turned out very negatively...absolute opposite of what I wanted and needed. People always just noticed that I was 'never talking' and not ever listening to them...also not being interactive.  They would wonder why I didn't hear them out. They would wonder why I didn't pay attention to what the heck is going on around me...and what is being said. They would make nasty comments and snickers behind my back...calling me names like "bitch" and "idiot." Also, they wondered why I just can't plant a great big smile on my face.

Reaching adulthood, I expected to see a relationship, but instead, I had all sorts of issues with people. They would actually get upset, mad or offended by the attitudes I never meant to express to them. I was so very quiet and timid...and I didn't communicate. They didn't find me one bit friendly and normal, so they constantly stared, laughed, picked on me and gossiped. They even assumed that I didn't have a man! I've had two people try to set me up on a date, because they kind of felt sorry for me. Then they'd notice that I'm staring off into space at times, even laughing at nothing in particular, and think that I'm nuts.

I realized that those people were 'interactive and normal' and couldn't have been day dreamers. They already had perfectly normal and agreeable lives, therefore, they had very nice futures. Also, I later learned that I have Autism. They did not have Autism, nor did they fantasize! So, of course, their lives look better than mine!

Now I am seeing psychologist, LOL. I am slowly gaining a more positive mental attitude, and ha ha, I am slowly coming back down to Earth. Waking up and smelling the coffee. Living and learning everyday.