Lemme go crazy on you!

[Harshit]

And I am writing again. I am 11 days into not daydreaming. Actually, I am daydreaming a little, but certainly not something I can consider maladaptive. I am not pacing around with music and themes, and mostly I manage to snap out of daydreaming fairly quickly. 

I am feeling fairly proud of myself for this. But I can't deny the fact that it is turning me flipping mad. Mostly the silence. I am having on and off sleeping difficulties. I actually skipped last night's sleep. When I am a daydreamer I don't need many people to talk to or to keep myself occupied. I don't need activities or things to do. I don't have to be productive or effective or for that matter do anything. So throughout my life, I have never felt the need for people so much. 

But now things are different. Everything is so quiet, the silence is annoying and the need to do something is exhausting. I spent my day doing a bit of work, bit of random procrastination, a bit of learning stuff I would like to do. But I am unable to keep myself occupied. Rather I don't think I have enough energy or attention to learn or work. This puts me in an odd position because it's Saturday and I would like to feel that I am enjoying myself. I am having difficulty finding someone to hang out or talk with so that is also not an option for killing time. 

I have a feeling it is not going to get any better anytime soon. Maybe in time, my brain will be more energetic and I would be able to work a lot more. If not that maybe I would be able to learn interesting stuff I want to learn for longer periods of time. I am convincing myself that maybe it's important for me to go through this period of madness and feel every moment of this silence and irritation that I am feeling. Most certainly, unless I feel the gap, I will not be able to fill it.

But all rationality aside, it is very very uncomfortable. 

[Harshit]

Creeping In.

Day 14 has been my highest number of days of me maintaining control over daydreaming ever. In this run I am touching day 14 today. The strangest things happened, it actually started taking over and I didn't realise that my daydreaming had started creeping in. For a while I was just thinking, but didn't even notice when thoughts thoughts, plans turned to daydreaming. Today I spent the whole day doing this sort of thought dreaming. Although I don't find this to be wholely unproductive, I did come up with ideas, but there was a part of daydreaming that made me realise that its just the river knocking at my door. I am up from my bed, where I spent the whole day today, and I am trying to regain control. Sure it is not gonna be a perfect score, but I am trying to tell myself that all I need to do is go on. I had to get this off my chest, and thought of starting a new forum. But then I realised I am just going to be spamming others, instead I will post it all in this thread itself. I am not under the illusion that I am gonna transform into something phenomenal in the days to come, but I am still trying to go on no matter what.