Wild Minds network
Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest
Just want to introduce myself. :)
Hi, everyone!
I am a 23 year old female who has been daydreaming for as long as I can remember. My earliest memory of Maladaptive Daydreaming was back when I was 3 years old. My parents were in the living room watching television and I went into the kitchen and just began... imagining things (I don't even recall what I was fantasizing about). I was running around the kitchen, clapping my hands, sliding along the linoleum in my socks. My parents heard me from the living room and kept asking me what I was doing. For some reason, even at that age, I had a feeling that what I was doing wasn't "normal", that it was private, so I told my parents I was just "playing". During those years, I would refer to my daydreaming as "pretend" -- I'd think to myself, "Okay, I'm going up to my room and I'm going to 'pretend'." And it continued... for years and years. All throughout childhood and now, into my adulthood, it's just been endless hours of locking myself in my room or waiting until no one is home, turning on music, pacing and clapping, just orchestrating these very elaborate fantasies. I've always known it was an unsual thing for a person to do and had no idea why I did it, but I couldn't stop myself, so I decided that it would just be my "dirty little secret". I thought it would stop as I got older (I remember being 13 years old and saying to myself, 'This probably won't last. I won't be doing it when I'm an adult'). Wrong! I still do it, just like I always have; for hours on end. I'll envision myself famous and on talk shows, in movies, doing magazine interviews... I'll envision myself being loved and wanted by someone beautiful... I'll envision myself as a famous author... I'll envision myself getting back at people who have hurt me (past friends and lovers) by creating a situation where I am rich and famous and they regret ever hurting me. My fantasies have always consisted of those particular things.
Music and motion are the 2 main things that trigger a daydreaming episode for me. I can only imagine how silly I am pacing in my bedroom, clapping my hands, while Led Zeppelin plays in the background. I'm sure it looks very stupid... wow, how embarrassing. No one has ever caught me, thankfully. I've always been extremely careful not to get caught (good god, how would I even explain that one away?). Being in a car as a driver or a passenger REALLY triggers it: The combination of music plus the movement of the car makes my mind race. If I am reading a story or looking at things online, I'll lose my head and just get up and walk away from the book or the computer and start doing the daydream dance. I don't watch television because it's boring and I prefer to daydream instead (which isn't bad; T.V. isn't exactly healthy, anyway).
I once made the mistake of telling my (now) ex-girlfriend about my "pretend time" and later on, when we'd get into fights, she'd laugh at me and say. "Oh, why don't you just go walk around the bedroom and clap your hands!" She thought it was hilarious and weird and teased me for it. Besides her, no one else knows. NO ONE. It's too humiliating to tell people. I mean, what do you say?
I'm very lucky that it hasn't negatively impacted my life in heavy ways. I haven't lost a job or neglected things because of it. Sure, I've stayed in my room for 4 hours at a time and wasted all of that time daydreaming when I very well should've been doing the house cleaning, I've not applied for this job or that job because I was too busy running around and clapping my hands, but that's about it. I never looked at it as being detrimental to my health, but now I'm worried. I start college next week and I'm terrified my daydreaming habit will cause me to neglect my course work.
I'm very protective of my time because of MD; I just HAVE to have several hours a day free to lock myself in my bedroom and jump into my dreams. If I have a busy day and don't have time to do it, I feel restless and kind of down. I'm afraid of living with someone because, oh no, when will I be able to daydream?! I won't be alone! What if they catch me?! I lived with my ex for 4 years and only daydreamed when she wasn't home. When she was home, I'd be so anxious for her to leave so I could be alone and jump into my fantasy world.
I am a very introverted and quiet person by nature. I'm a bit of a hermit, love to write and read, and spend time with my dog (he watches me daydream and doesn't judge, haha). I have VERY BAD social anxiety and just anxiety in general. Low self-esteem and past abuse are also in the equation. I know all of this contributes to my little fantasy world; a need to be desired, loved, rich, and feel HUMAN. I'm shy and panic over the smallest of things. I hate talking to people and I'm lousy at making friends because I'm paranoid that they'll judge me and, also, if I have friends, they'll want to hang out and they'll take up my daydreaming time! God, how ridiculous is that?
I didn't know that this was an actual condition with a name. I've always called it "pretending" and just assumed it was a bizarre character trait of mine. Yesterday, I decided to Google it and I found hundreds of people who are just like me. I nearly cried when I discovered that I'm not alone and that other people do the same exact thing. (When I found out it was a real condition called Maladaptive Daydreaming, I put on some music and began running around imaging myself as a famous celebrity on a talkshow discussing my very real disorder called Maladaptive Daydreaming... HOW SAD IS THAT?!).
I would love to speak with other people who are going through this. I'm so sorry this was long, but I just had to get it off my chest. I can't wait to get to know you all! I'll shut up now. :-x
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Cordellia Amethyste Rose on
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Hi and welcome. This doesn't sound strange or abnormal at all. NO ONE has the right to make fun of you. There are so many worse things you could be doing. You could be doing drugs, driving drunk, and other things that could seriously hurt people. Considering what kind of destructive things are seen as "normal"...........walking around & clapping sounds about as harmless as you can get.
How to tell people
I have decided to live openly about my Maladaptive Daydreaming. Granted, I don't exactly have any friends or family to judge me, so it's a bit easier...........but then again the reason I don't have contact with a lot of people anymore is because they were so mean and judgmental about what little they did know about me. Anyway, after I chose to live openly I started telling anyone & everyone who would listen. There's definitely an art to it. You have to be prepared for the fact that almost no one will have heard of it. It's not a recognized condition, so almost no doctors will have heard of it. Most people will probably just tell you it's the next closest thing they have heard of, like depression, anxiety, OCD, autism spectrum, schizoid personality disorder, inattentive add, etc. There's a list a mile long of things that could possibly have daydreaming as a side-effect. That's the key thing.........for us, daydreaming isn't a side-effect and most other symptoms are either independent or a result of it. Yes, I have anxiety, but that has nothing to do with my MD. People can have lots of conditions at once. I've been studying this intensely for about 3 years. If any other condition would have fit, I would have found it by now. Anyway, because it's new and people don't know about it, they will probably try to argue with you that it's one of those.
1) You have to know your facts and be prepared to answer questions and debate it. Learn as much as you can until you feel confident about it. Confidence is the key.
2) The next step is how you present it. If people are judging you, they'll judge you no matter what you say if you present it like a defect. Most people are inclined to present it like they're confessing to a secret, horrible defect. If you do that, no matter what you say, people are going to naturally assume you're defective and look down at you. What else could they do, if that's how you're saying it? You're setting them up to judge you.Instead, present it like a new and fascinating thing about you. You can also present it like a project you're working on. Tell them you've discovered a whole world of people who have a similar ability that you do. There are hundreds online that we know about and probably thousands more. Present the pros and cons. Tell them it's an addiction to your own mind, that you're so creative that you get addicted to the wonderful scenarios in your own head. It's an amazing strength that can become a real addiction that can take over your life if you're not careful to manage it.
3) This goes with number one. You're the expert. Educate them, and don't leave it open for debate. People are going to have lots of questions. Those who fancy themselves intellectuals may try to argue with you that it's some of the conditions I listed before. They may suggest that no one can diagnose you but a doctor, but that's not true. In this case, most doctors haven't heard about it. It's only been studied a few times, and yet there are tons of people who have it. Doctors are just people, and they don't know everything.
4) Present them with facts, and tell them that you're helping to bring something new and important to the world.
Here's some data.
This is the article written by Dr. Eli Somer, who coined the term "Maladaptive Daydreaming"
http://somer.co.il/articles/2002Malaptdaydr.contemp.psych.pdf
His article is a bit out-dated as he only had 6 participants, and we've learned a lot since then. Still, it's good to have.
Tell them a wonderful, respected doctor in NY by the name of Dr. Cynthia Schupak is studying this. She has over 100 participants, and that study is still on-going. Here are her preliminary findings:
http://www.scribd.com/doc/20700187/Daydreamers-Anonymous-Prelim-Fin...
Also feel free to send them here. I'm used to arguing with experts and everyone who thinks they are but isn't. I'll be happy to talk with anyone and explain it to them if you want. I've had Maladaptive Daydreaming all my life and seen the extreme highs and extreme lows.
Remember, NO ONE is an expert on your brain but YOU. If someone tries to tell you otherwise, tell them that if DOCTORS don't even know about this and aren't qualified to diagnose you then THEY certainly aren't. People who don't understand are not in a position to argue with you.
I know this seems like a lot of info, but I've given this spiel a thousand times. Now, when I tell people, they're fascinated and want to learn more. With practice, it becomes very easy. Also, any psychology nerds will pounce on this and think you're awesome for getting involved.
One final note: I know people are inclined to introduce themselves in discussions, but if everyone who signed up started a new discussion we'd have 241 discussions going right now. I'd prefer people do this in a blog. Those are very visible too. Also, if you have something big and long that you need to get off your chest...........that might be better suited for a blog as well. The reason is I'd like all the good discussions we have to remain visible, particularly for new people who haven't signed up yet and want to learn about this condition. I'd like it to be easy for them to sift through. Ok?
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