Just like to introduce Myself. :)

[Dylan Beler]

Hi everyone!

 

My name is Dylan, I'm 25 now and only recently became aware that I'm not the only person in the world that does this thing we're calling maladaptive daydreaming.

I've been at it since as far back as I can remember, there was no turning point for me unlike allot of you, it's just something I've always done but I can say for certain that it's becoming more frequent as time goes on.

I had a very happy childhood, there's nothing I should have wanted to "escape" from and yet I've always felt this need to immerse myself in these fantastical adventures. Sure I've always had friends and family and good health but the urge jump into fantasy land has always been so strong I've never been able to resist.

At first I had to move physically to really get into it, I would run in circles, sometimes for several minutes, sometimes for hours, it must have looked so weird to people who saw me but over time I developed the ability to do it without moving at all.

Now it happens automatically, often I don't even notice I've been daydreaming until I've spent my whole day doing it. It's gotten in the way of school and work and everything else as I'm sure many of you can relate to.

I sometimes worry I'll never live up to my potential in life. I've always been interested in drawing and writing but it's getting harder and harder to concentrate enough to build a career or to do anything really.

I'm optomistic though. I've gone through my share of depression and guilt and now I'm trying really hard to force myself to be more "normal" and get some things done. I'll never want to stop completely but for now I really have to learn some ways to tone it down a bit and foccus on the most important years of my life.

I'm really happy to learn that I'm not alone here. You people must know what I've gone through better than anyone else and I look forward to talking to you and learning more about this troublesome yet wonderful thing we all share.

[Dylan Beler]

EludeMyFantasies said:

Hello Dylan,

I'm in my thirties and I know that MD has prevented me from living up to my "potential". I think back to all the things I wanted to do but instead I daydreamed about it. Everything is achievable in my daydream world. With this said, generally speaking, I still enjoy my life (when I'm in it) and have friends and family that care about. Like everyone I have my ups and downs along with inner struggles.

Life isn't prefect and neither are we. Sometimes you just have to accept who you are but realized that change is possible but you have to want it. Good luck with your MD :o)

Thanks for the inspiring words EludeMyFantasies! You seem like a cool person. :)
And I totally agree about having to want to change in order for it to be at all possible... in fact you REALLY have to want it.
So what's your story? Have you taken steps to nip this thing in the butt? I'd be interested to know if you have any tricks to share.

[Karla Daae]

hey.
My daydreaming hasnt gotten as severe, but i am worried that it will. I've had several attempts to stop it.. and they worked from a peroid of a week to a couple months. Of course, things always happen. I get bored, I need escape, or maybe i just crave the excitment of it all.. i dont know. but i do it again. I guess now is the time for us to get self disciplined eh? :P
good luck

[Dylan Beler]

Karla Daae said:

hey.
My daydreaming hasnt gotten as severe, but i am worried that it will. I've had several attempts to stop it.. and they worked from a peroid of a week to a couple months. Of course, things always happen. I get bored, I need escape, or maybe i just crave the excitment of it all.. i dont know. but i do it again. I guess now is the time for us to get self disciplined eh? :P
good luck

I know what you mean, it's such an addiction.
I've tried things similar to what you've done, making the daydreams happier or more productive. ...Still doesn't solve the real problem in my opinion.
I can't say for a second that I wish I never experienced MD, but I agree, it's time to get things back on track before it's too late.

[Cordellia Amethyste Rose]

I agree, making them more productive doesn't help them go away. In fact it can make them worse. I still think it's a good idea, though, because we're probably not going to ever stop completely. Hopefully we'll get out of our heads enough to live outer lives that are fulfilling enough that we won't need this as much........but when we do daydream we want to it to help us and not hurt us. I work through a lot of great things in my daydreams. It's like free therapy plus a great, strong conversation all in one. I mean most people have to go out and find people to have really enriching conversations that we can have in our own heads. We need to harness the good while figuring out how to keep it under control. I mean it's just thinking after all..........we shouldn't outlaw thinking. Thinking is a good thing. Thinking obsessively and not doing anything else is the problem.

I started a form awhile back "What helps?" If anyone gets a chance, I'd really like to pool ideas there for people to reference. There are a few questions to help you think, but you can post whatever you want. If anything helps you, please share so others can see and benefit. Otherwise these forums can be kinda hard to search for a newcomer who's panicking and needing ideas.

Ideas that have come up:
-recognizing triggers and limiting access to them.
-distracting yourself whenever you're starting to daydream too much or have an unproductive daydream.
-focus on activities in the outside world that you really love & trying to get into them more to keep you focused.

I think there's a good lesson in this. Many people are complacent in their lives and get stuck. They don't focus on doing what they love & work themselves into deep ruts. They may not turn to a fantasy world and let it become a big problem like it does with us...........but having a group of people for whom living a fulfilling life is so necessary just to stay afloat may provide an interesting model for the world. It's not just nice to do things you love.....it can have consequences if you don't. Non-daydreamers are just asleep and don't notice. At least we're trying to build something nice somewhere.

I can't say this enough: We're not defective. Our brains work differently. This has many gifts as well as many tough challenges. If we can harness the good in it and learn to manage the bad, we're better off than those who never had it to begin with.

[Cordellia Amethyste Rose]

I'm not recommending any particular approach. I don't have one thing that always triggers me except maybe long walks....... I just limit them when they KEEP triggering me. If I stop with the long walks for awhile, I can get back into them when I'm more alert. For me distraction is better. It's more a pro-other activities approach rather than an anti-daydreaming one. I still let myself daydream a lot.



EludeMyFantasies said:

Oh man the triggers suggestion is the hardest one for me. All the things I love are triggers and are honestly most forms of entertainment. My triggers are music, movies and books. Music inspires me emotionally, movies and books give me great story lines.

How do I avoid all that? I could just sit and stare at a wall but that would just lead to boredom and daydreaming. Vicious damn cycle!



Cordellia Amethyste Rose said:

I agree, making them more productive doesn't help them go away. In fact it can make them worse. I still think it's a good idea, though, because we're probably not going to ever stop completely. Hopefully we'll get out of our heads enough to live outer lives that are fulfilling enough that we won't need this as much........but when we do daydream we want to it to help us and not hurt us. I work through a lot of great things in my daydreams. It's like free therapy plus a great, strong conversation all in one. I mean most people have to go out and find people to have really enriching conversations that we can have in our own heads. We need to harness the good while figuring out how to keep it under control. I mean it's just thinking after all..........we shouldn't outlaw thinking. Thinking is a good thing. Thinking obsessively and not doing anything else is the problem.

I started a form awhile back "What helps?" If anyone gets a chance, I'd really like to pool ideas there for people to reference. There are a few questions to help you think, but you can post whatever you want. If anything helps you, please share so others can see and benefit. Otherwise these forums can be kinda hard to search for a newcomer who's panicking and needing ideas.

Ideas that have come up:
-recognizing triggers and limiting access to them.
-distracting yourself whenever you're starting to daydream too much or have an unproductive daydream.
-focus on activities in the outside world that you really love & trying to get into them more to keep you focused.

I think there's a good lesson in this. Many people are complacent in their lives and get stuck. They don't focus on doing what they love & work themselves into deep ruts. They may not turn to a fantasy world and let it become a big problem like it does with us...........but having a group of people for whom living a fulfilling life is so necessary just to stay afloat may provide an interesting model for the world. It's not just nice to do things you love.....it can have consequences if you don't. Non-daydreamers are just asleep and don't notice. At least we're trying to build something nice somewhere.

I can't say this enough: We're not defective. Our brains work differently. This has many gifts as well as many tough challenges. If we can harness the good in it and learn to manage the bad, we're better off than those who never had it to begin with.

[Tila]

Hey Dylan,

Thanks for sharing your story!

Yes, yes we DO know what you go through! There does seem to be a lot of patterns in our collective daydreaming behavior.

I am also trying to stop completely, for this reason: I've come to see that the main character from my DD-life is the stronger version of me. She's the one who truly kicks ass, the one who truly LIVES. The problem is that she lives only inside me....My real self is inhibited, insecure, frustrated, sad, etc.

If I truly decide to stop, that is if there is no choice but to be myself 24/7, I will have no way of escaping unpleasant or stressful situations. I will have to cope as "me". I'm thinking that if I am consistent in this insane, tiring, but rewarding endeavor of being me, maybe I could become her, the stronger one.

THIS IS WHAT IT IS TO LIVE! THIS IS WHAT WE HAVE TO DO!!!

I am trying to live by these words......I hope you will do the same!! :)

Peace for now.

[Sophia Miller]

hi Dylan welcome. yeah i really wish i could just snap out of it sometimes and actually do something. i have goals i need to get a job. but it will be kinda hard if i cant concentrate enough to follow directions or work...what i think i will do is set a time to daydream. early in the morning and late at night only....not during the day because even if i am alone i end up getting so wrapped up in them that i wont notice anything else.

[Karla Daae]

Just responding to the comment responding to me...
You're right, it doesnt solve the problem. It just was a temporary change so I didn't get sicker than i was. (mentally, that is) For example, I dont dream of being emanciated, shriveled and dying. I dont see the hollow hopelessness of a man who has been in a very holocaust-like institution... i dont feel the weight and ungodly horror of a war I am not apart of. I dont dream of being raped.
It was horrible. But i found the power to change. Just like i'm doing now. I dont need my daydreams to carry me through life, to create a world where evade the daily pressures of living... Now, I walk away from strife and hell... this is my life. and i intend to keep it so.

[Matto]

I feel MD has inhibited my potential life as well. I am good at drawing and writing as well. I also I could have been good at many "useful" skills if it wasn't for my involuntary daydreaming.

[Cordellia Amethyste Rose]

You still can. Perhaps this is the universe's way of saying it's important to develop our minds first. Most people have to do a lot of things in the outside world to learn and grow. We learn and grow just as well. We just don't have as many things on paper as they do. They don't appreciate how powerful the mind can be. We can have experiences that are so vast and powerful that they even produce physical sensations. It's a pretty magical thing. I think it's worth it to learn what we're learning.


Matto said:

I feel MD has inhibited my potential life as well. I am good at drawing and writing as well. I also I could have been good at many "useful" skills if it wasn't for my involuntary daydreaming.

[April West]

Hi... April isn’t my real name. I’ve never talked to anyone about this before - I am so embarrassed/ashamed of my daydreaming addiction (I know I shouldn’t be, haven’t quite gotten to the acceptance stage yet...). Anyway, I’m 23 and really lost, scared, confused, feel completely helpless. I have tried a few things – keeping a diary and analysing triggers and the causes behind the daydreams, going to a psychologist for my depression, alternative therapy, time plans and goal setting, reading self help books...

I mainly daydream because I am lonely... I have always been very shy, quiet, socially awkward, and hate being around people most of the time. I don’t have a lot of friends (God, there’s really only 2 people I hang out with :-( I don’t feel I am capable of making new friends... I’ve avoided the whole facebook/twitter/online craze, so I’ve never joined a forum like this before (apologies in advance for anything stupid I do/say :-)

Anyway, my plan is to join some clubs/take some courses/get a part time job/talk to people online... (I’m not working or studying right now, which keeps me isolated, which I actually love, but it’s so not healthy...) Anyway, that’s (part of) my life story...

[Cordellia Amethyste Rose]

Welcome. You're not alone. You're not a freak. As for your social life.......that's 2 more people than I hang out with on a regular basis. Our minds work differently, and I'm sure when you feel comfortable enough to open up and notice.......you'll discover a lot of good things about your mind too. I'm sure you'll realize that you've got a lot of gifts. I hope you'll stop judging yourself soon. There are so many worse things you could be doing than daydreaming. I mean you could be addicted to meth and out robbing people at gunpoint. People don't judge meth addicts because they know they're sick. We've got an addiction that's as much of a gift as it is a hindrance.........and it doesn't involve hurting anyone but ourselves. I've found social media to be very helpful. I open up and say whatever's on my mind.........and it turns out some people find me interesting. Who knew? Just try to have fun and do whatever feels comfortable. We're here for you. No one's going to judge you here.



April West said:

Hi... April isn’t my real name. I’ve never talked to anyone about this before - I am so embarrassed/ashamed of my daydreaming addiction (I know I shouldn’t be, haven’t quite gotten to the acceptance stage yet...). Anyway, I’m 23 and really lost, scared, confused, feel completely helpless. I have tried a few things – keeping a diary and analysing triggers and the causes behind the daydreams, going to a psychologist for my depression, alternative therapy, time plans and goal setting, reading self help books...

I mainly daydream because I am lonely... I have always been very shy, quiet, socially awkward, and hate being around people most of the time. I don’t have a lot of friends (God, there’s really only 2 people I hang out with :-( I don’t feel I am capable of making new friends... I’ve avoided the whole facebook/twitter/online craze, so I’ve never joined a forum like this before (apologies in advance for anything stupid I do/say :-)

Anyway, my plan is to join some clubs/take some courses/get a part time job/talk to people online... (I’m not working or studying right now, which keeps me isolated, which I actually love, but it’s so not healthy...) Anyway, that’s (part of) my life story...