Is it possible to fall in love with someone from your daydreams?

[Helen S]

    Hey guys! :) First of all I'm new here and I want to say I'm really happy to have found you! Secondly, I think I have fallen in love with a character from my fantasies. I can't stop thinking about him and knowing that he is not here really shatters me. I have given up on the idea of a boyfriend, because I feel no one could ever compare to him. I have read a lot of stories about maladaptive daydreaming but I haven't come accross anyone with the same problem. So, I was just wondering, have any of you ever experienced or heard about anything similar?? Thanks!

[alona]

Hey Helen!

I'm sure what you're experiencing isn't uncommon. Though I myself have had no such experiences, I do have a vague recollection of reading something like this before at WMN. Either way, I understand it might be difficult for you to cope with things, though I'm not sure I can help you with this one. But it's a big place, you're likely to get a lot of help here anyways :)

If you ever have any problems, or questions, feel free to contact me or any other member. Have a nice day!

[Laura]

Kind of. I don't exist in my DD world but rather I live through some of my characters and yes, I have made perfect male characters there and when I DD and pretend to be one of my characters... I don't know. I've never had a boyfriend or anything and feel like I really could go my whole life without one since the love story I created in my head is better than any I could probably ever experience. Kind of sad written out but yeah, you really aren't alone!

[Roel]

It's definetly possible and I've heard of this multiple times. Also, I've had it too once.

Whene you're in love with someone you think no one could ever compare to him/her. So that's just the same thing happening here and it's not abnormal. It has few to do with daydreaming. If you ever want to love a real person again you will need to let him go or start looking at him in a different way.

The difficulty is staying realistic and understanding that irl relationships and love are complex things that are build after a long time, and in your dreams it's something that is instantly perfect (unless you like having dramatic daydreams about break-ups and stuff (I did that but it always had a happy ending) ) and that's what makes it on one site statifying, on the other hand unreal.

I rejected my daydream-crush whene I started to realise how unreal she was and how unnatural the entire situation was. I dreamed of her slowly transforming into a mindless murdering monster, which made the entire daydreams theme change. The daydreams about her weren't sweet and romantic anymore but instead were the usual fantasy/scifi stuff. I expanded the daydream to reach over various themes and plots so I could focus more on that and she became just a terrible side-character. And eventually I lost interest in that fantasy-dream like usually happens after dreaming too much about one plot.
So I got out of this situation by changing the character in my head over time, into something I didn't love anymore.

I'm not saying this would work for you, or for anyone else but me. I think it takes some imagination, and also you don't have to be as extreme as I was either. Transforming her into a violent succubbus was an overreaction of me to be honest. But I did it because I realised it was unnatural and because I could. Because I realised I was able to alter her completely and hate her completely because of my erotofobia. (I had made her shift from an emotional romantic character to a violent sexual character, making me hate the thought of her which lead to me detaching from her)

Don't judge me please. I know I'm weird and sick inside.

My advice would be to maybe daydream of him loving someone else? and eventually making him lose sympathy for you and become rude so it will hurt you and you don't want to anymore.

Of course, this is only if you actually want this to stop! Because it's your own choice. If you ask me loving a daydreamcharacter instead of a real person for your entire life would work if you're statisfied with an imaginary person. But maybe that's just me again, being weird. Point is if that special dream person is filling up a void for you while the rest of your life is miserable or something, than why leave him?

I realy hope some other experienced dreamers comment too because my vision on this subject is obviously a bit odd to say the least.


That all aside, Welcome to WildMinds :D We're also happy to have you here

[Helen S]

Roel said:

It's definetly possible and I've heard of this multiple times. Also, I've had it too once.

Whene you're in love with someone you think no one could ever compare to him/her. So that's just the same thing happening here and it's not abnormal. It has few to do with daydreaming. If you ever want to love a real person again you will need to let him go or start looking at him in a different way.

The difficulty is staying realistic and understanding that irl relationships and love are complex things that are build after a long time, and in your dreams it's something that is instantly perfect (unless you like having dramatic daydreams about break-ups and stuff (I did that but it always had a happy ending) ) and that's what makes it on one site statifying, on the other hand unreal.

I rejected my daydream-crush whene I started to realise how unreal she was and how unnatural the entire situation was. I dreamed of her slowly transforming into a mindless murdering monster, which made the entire daydreams theme change. The daydreams about her weren't sweet and romantic anymore but instead were the usual fantasy/scifi stuff. I expanded the daydream to reach over various themes and plots so I could focus more on that and she became just a terrible side-character. And eventually I lost interest in that fantasy-dream like usually happens after dreaming too much about one plot.
So I got out of this situation by changing the character in my head over time, into something I didn't love anymore.

I'm not saying this would work for you, or for anyone else but me. I think it takes some imagination, and also you don't have to be as extreme as I was either. Transforming her into a violent succubbus was an overreaction of me to be honest. But I did it because I realised it was unnatural and because I could. Because I realised I was able to alter her completely and hate her completely because of my erotofobia. (I had made her shift from an emotional romantic character to a violent sexual character, making me hate the thought of her which lead to me detaching from her)

Don't judge me please. I know I'm weird and sick inside.

My advice would be to maybe daydream of him loving someone else? and eventually making him lose sympathy for you and become rude so it will hurt you and you don't want to anymore.

Of course, this is only if you actually want this to stop! Because it's your own choice. If you ask me loving a daydreamcharacter instead of a real person for your entire life would work if you're statisfied with an imaginary person. But maybe that's just me again, being weird. Point is if that special dream person is filling up a void for you while the rest of your life is miserable or something, than why leave him?

I realy hope some other experienced dreamers comment too because my vision on this subject is obviously a bit odd to say the least.


That all aside, Welcome to WildMinds :D We're also happy to have you here

[Helen S]

Hey! I can understand where you're coming from. Loving a fictional character comes easy and naturally. There is no risk of hurting, betrayal or so many other upsetting things that occur in real life relationships. In our daydreams we can be with our perfect partner in a perfect situation and we never even have to try. I find the thought of trying to go through that process in real life overwhelming as well. I have this overly romanticised version of love inside my head and I know it's not how it goes. 
I sometimes think that I should try and find someone in real life who shares the key traits of my imaginary boyfriend. Do you think something like that could help you? Or you could try out what Noel suggested?
I hope everything works out! :)

DaydreamBeliever328 said:

Yes! It's possible and completely understandable.  I dreamed up my DD girlfriend six years ago but six years ago I wasn't in love with her.  I fell in love with her about two years ago.

I don't have a real girlfriend.  That's a lost cause so I don't even try.  The numbers aren't in my favor because in the US there are more single men available than single women.  That's good for women but bad for me.  I would have to move to a country that has more single women than single men which I'm seriously considering doing.

There's just one problem.  In the back of my mind a real person probably wouldn't be "as good" as my DD character.  I would have to learn to love a real person.  I didn't have to learn how to love my DD character.

[Helen S]

Thanks so much for the support! It's nice to be able to share this sort of thoughts with understanding and kind people for once! :) 

Mubashra said:

Hey Helen!

I'm sure what you're experiencing isn't uncommon. Though I myself have had no such experiences, I do have a vague recollection of reading something like this before at WMN. Either way, I understand it might be difficult for you to cope with things, though I'm not sure I can help you with this one. But it's a big place, you're likely to get a lot of help here anyways :)

If you ever have any problems, or questions, feel free to contact me or any other member. Have a nice day!

[Helen S]

Thanks for sharing! It really means a lot, knowing that there are other people going through something like that. Lots of love! :)

Laura said:

Kind of. I don't exist in my DD world but rather I live through some of my characters and yes, I have made perfect male characters there and when I DD and pretend to be one of my characters... I don't know. I've never had a boyfriend or anything and feel like I really could go my whole life without one since the love story I created in my head is better than any I could probably ever experience. Kind of sad written out but yeah, you really aren't alone!

[Helen S]

 Sorry for the mess up, I'm still trying to get the hang of this! Thanks for responding and welcoming me! But, please don't say that you are weird or sick. :( I find what you did perfectly understandable. The extent to which you went shows how much she meant to you and just how much you loved her. No matter what goes through your mind, you should never doubt that you are a kind,unique person!
  I've actually tried to do something similar but it didn't really work out. I just can't bring myself to hate him. Maybe, deep down I don't want to, I'm not really sure, it's just confusing... I mean, thinking about him is really comforting, but sometimes I can't help but fear it will mean that I will always be alone with my mind... Anyways, I don't find your point of view odd. I think we all question whether we should just indulge in our daydreams sometimes. If by any chance you need to talk, I'm here for you! :)

Roel said:

It's definetly possible and I've heard of this multiple times. Also, I've had it too once.

Whene you're in love with someone you think no one could ever compare to him/her. So that's just the same thing happening here and it's not abnormal. It has few to do with daydreaming. If you ever want to love a real person again you will need to let him go or start looking at him in a different way.

The difficulty is staying realistic and understanding that irl relationships and love are complex things that are build after a long time, and in your dreams it's something that is instantly perfect (unless you like having dramatic daydreams about break-ups and stuff (I did that but it always had a happy ending) ) and that's what makes it on one site statifying, on the other hand unreal.

I rejected my daydream-crush whene I started to realise how unreal she was and how unnatural the entire situation was. I dreamed of her slowly transforming into a mindless murdering monster, which made the entire daydreams theme change. The daydreams about her weren't sweet and romantic anymore but instead were the usual fantasy/scifi stuff. I expanded the daydream to reach over various themes and plots so I could focus more on that and she became just a terrible side-character. And eventually I lost interest in that fantasy-dream like usually happens after dreaming too much about one plot.
So I got out of this situation by changing the character in my head over time, into something I didn't love anymore.

I'm not saying this would work for you, or for anyone else but me. I think it takes some imagination, and also you don't have to be as extreme as I was either. Transforming her into a violent succubbus was an overreaction of me to be honest. But I did it because I realised it was unnatural and because I could. Because I realised I was able to alter her completely and hate her completely because of my erotofobia. (I had made her shift from an emotional romantic character to a violent sexual character, making me hate the thought of her which lead to me detaching from her)

Don't judge me please. I know I'm weird and sick inside.

My advice would be to maybe daydream of him loving someone else? and eventually making him lose sympathy for you and become rude so it will hurt you and you don't want to anymore.

Of course, this is only if you actually want this to stop! Because it's your own choice. If you ask me loving a daydreamcharacter instead of a real person for your entire life would work if you're statisfied with an imaginary person. But maybe that's just me again, being weird. Point is if that special dream person is filling up a void for you while the rest of your life is miserable or something, than why leave him?

I realy hope some other experienced dreamers comment too because my vision on this subject is obviously a bit odd to say the least.


That all aside, Welcome to WildMinds :D We're also happy to have you here

[Roel]

You're welcome Helen :)
I don't care much about being weird or sick. I'm used to it. It's just how I am. I only care about shocking/hurting /scaring people with it. So I didn't want to make you feel like you were a part of some type of aweful people like me. You're not. You're you and it is completely normal to dream of wonderful things ;)

But thanks anyways for wanting to cheer me up. it's very nice of you.

And I'm afraid I can't realy hate her either/ Lately I've been feeling lonely and I've been thinking about her, how she used to be. :( I'm sorry I've failed I guess.

The thought of always being alone with my mind scares me too...

At this moment I'm realy questioning whether or not my lifes decisions were that great lol. While writing this I'm not feeling very well so I'm sorry if I sound like I have no clue what I'm saying or doing. This is because I have indeed no clue what I'm saying and doing ;)

Same for you :) If you want to talk, I love talking over the internet to strangers lol. Seriously don't ever hesitate to contact me. I'll send a friend request ;)

I'm sorry for replying this late. I'm slow. Everything goes very very slow lately. It's the MDD. I don't see my life anymore. I just see robots, angels, insects, spiders, spaceships, giants, submarines, and you wouldn't believe what other junk. But I don't see where I'm going anymore. I'm having so much trouble concentraiting on my life. I forget what I was doing all the time and (O looks like this is gonna be a vent instead of a quick appolagy for replying so late lol) I whene I realise what i've done and what I've wasted I just hide in my bed crying. And in these moments I wish there was someone to comfort me. And then I invent people who care about me and comfort me...
Because that is how pathetic I am.

I'm sorry.
thanks anyways

[Harley Penguin]

I fall deeply in infatuation with my fantasy characters. Right now I am really obsessed with Oswald Cobblepot (The Penguin) from the Fox tv show Gotham. I always have a male character I am fantasizing about, it has changed many many many times through out the years, but, I always seem to be "dating" someone in my mind. I have horrible relationships in real life, and at 38, haven't dated in years, due to the fact real life people never really live up to my fictional lovers. I can honestly say I've felt love for my characters before, but I'm not sure if it's real love or just a strong infatuation. You are definitely not alone.

[Morgan of Orris]

I'm in deep deep deep crush with one of my day dreams.  It's the first time it ever happened and in fact I would say I'm pretty much in love with him.  I created him as a side character for this book I'm writing and right after I started working on it I realized I needed to kill him for the story.  It was meant to be a really depressing and dreary story that had a definite end but once I introduced this guy I knew I would never get to where I needed with him around becoming such an important part of the story and making my main character(and me) all a flutter.  I was only half way through the story by then and as things went on I just got more and more attached and more and more heartbroken when I got to the end. Recently I finished the story and part of me wants to wreck it just because I can't stand that I got rid of him. I'm really stoked and proud of the work, but I'm so tied.  So I've gotten to where I'm I've been writing my own little side stories like it never happened.  Now we've got ending A or ending B. That might sound a bit confusing so I'm sorry, but word I totally get you.  

[Kali_Maa]

I see myself 100 percent reflected in what happens to you. I´m 41 and I have had so many boyfriends, lovers, husbands in my daydream life and I feel emotionally attached to that fictional male characters. Most of them are form different countries,  since in my DD life I`ve lived in many differente cities around the world.

Harley Penguin said:

I fall deeply in infatuation with my fantasy characters. Right now I am really obsessed with Oswald Cobblepot (The Penguin) from the Fox tv show Gotham. I always have a male character I am fantasizing about, it has changed many many many times through out the years, but, I always seem to be "dating" someone in my mind. I have horrible relationships in real life, and at 38, haven't dated in years, due to the fact real life people never really live up to my fictional lovers. I can honestly say I've felt love for my characters before, but I'm not sure if it's real love or just a strong infatuation. You are definitely not alone.