Introductions - Thankful for this site

[aliasihaya]

OMG, I can't believe I finally found a site about this topic.  I had done searches years ago and I couldn't find anything or anyone who was going through what I was/am.  I gave up after awhile.  I recently was looking for a new therapist and I stumbled across one who named it as Maladaptive Daydreaming.  I couldn't believe someone had finally named it.  It gave me something to search on and then I stumbled on this site.  I feel some amount of relief in finding it.  

My daydreaming started around 10 years old.  I've always had a depressive nature and I think that it's been my major coping mechanism.  My daydreaming is a combination of things.  The major portion is a parallel life.  It's as if my life had branched into something more normal or fantastic.  I've developed such a world that I feel sad and lonely when I step away from it.  My other form of daydreaming involves including people that I know.  Usually it involves the guy that I'm infatuated with at the time and him finally realizing I exist.  But for the most part it's the alternate life.  

As with a lot of you daydreaming is intertwined with my life.  I know what's not real, but a lot of times I don't care.  I do it while watching tv, or driving to work, or trying to fall asleep, or waking up...the worst is to music.  Any time I put on music alone it just comes on me and I pace and get lost in my mind.  In reading about this it was interesting to me that movement is a part of it because I definitely do that.  Also music is a big trigger.  Everything I've read about it so far fits everything that I do.

Unfortunately, I've now woken up at 35 (almost 36) and realized that my real life has passed me by.  I barely have any friends.  I've never had a long term relationship, and I'm embarrassed to say that I haven't even dated in years and years.  It's just easier to live in my head.  But I've found that as I'm getting older it is actually lessening a bit.  And as it's lessening I have realized that everyone I know is light years ahead in developing their life and I'm in the same place that I was in my 20's.  I don't know what to do about it.  I don't know how to accept life for what it is. 

Did you ever watch Ally McBeal?  There was an episode where this woman who was older and very sick wanted to be placed into a medical induced coma.  She was going to die of probably cancer.  I can't remember.  But over the years she had developed an alternate life with a husband and children.  And as she grew older her alternate life grew with her growing older.  She never developed a life outside of that reality.  She was fully functional but never had the husband and kids.  So since she was dying she wanted to spend the rest of her time doing what made her the happiest.  So she wanted to be placed in a coma so that she could spend the rest of her days with her husband.  It hit so close to home and it was the first time I had ever heard of someone else experiencing something like this.  There have been times that I've wanted to be placed in a coma just so I can switch into my alternate life.  But I know that there are people who do count on me and I can't slip away yet.  

Anyway, I just wanted to say that I'm happy to meet everyone.  I wish that you weren't going through what I'm going through, but it's nice to know that I'm not alone anymore.

[roxanne]

Welcome, Alias.  Did I understand you to say that you were looking for a therapist & found one who was actually aware of MD?  That is progress, in itself.

I never watched Ally McBeal & it's the first I've heard of that character.  How interesting that they had a story line involving MD?  Did they present the woman as a positive figure?

I'm sure you will find lots of support here as well as tips on how to deal with all the different ramifications of having MD.  There are those who find it more positive than negative, such as me; and others who find it an obstacle to a fuller life.  But everyone seems to respect others' viewpoints, and I think everyone agrees that there are definitely good & bad elements.

Have you read Cynthia's study.  It is well worth reading.  I'm sure you will find yourself in it.

[J Noland]

Welcome! Wow, I wonder who wrote that episode? We may want to follow that writer's other work to see if they've written other md type stuff. It's like choosing the "blue pill" in the Matrix, just deciding to live life in the dream. I consider this at times because we are nothing but our memories in the end. But maybe not, I always hold out hope for real life to be as rewarding as the dd life. Thanks for sharing the story. Isn't it a relief not to be alone with this?