Introduction about my issues with MD

[Liz Williams]

It is hard to remember how my problems with daydreaming became a struggle....now that I have this alternate fantasy life I've invented its hard to think of a time when it wasn't part of my everyday life. It started in college - following a traumatic event (rape) and my subsequent issues with depression and a suicide attempt. I think I started maladaptive daydreaming as my attempt to cope with what I went through - I wasn't ready to open myself back up to friends and family, so I used daydreaming as a way to sooth myself and counteract the loneliness I felt from my own isolation. It started off innocently enough - this was when Facebook first began and I was looking at the profiles of people my age at another school in London where one of my friends was studying abroad. This was the start - I looked at their profiles, photos and read about their lives, thats when I got hooked. Every since then, even though I do not know these people, I have had an ongoing fantasy life in which I do - they are my close friends, romantic partners, etc. I have even invented an alternate version of myself to fit into this life - where I'm richer, stronger and of course was never raped or struggled with depression. It has gotten better since I've been out of college and work a 9-6, often later job - doesn't leave a lot of time to daydreaming. But I still do slip into this fantasy life for about an hour or so each night....just for relief. I listen to music and think of these people and my fake life. Without this outlet, I would feel incredibly bored and unsatisfied with my life...I guess I am a perfectionist and to me my life will never be as good as my fantasy life, so I haven't invested as much as I should in developing new friendships and romantic relationships. I feel like the real me can't measure up - that I will never be happy with myself because I can never be this other girl. It is so nice to know other people have struggled with this - until now I felt like the only person in the world who did this and like a complete weirdo. My mother does know about it, and I'm fairly certain other members of my family may be aware as well - but none of my friends do and I would die of embarassment if they found out. I'm taking it one day at a time, and feel like I've gotten progressively better about distancing myself from this fantasy world. I look forward to the day where I can completely stop my daydreaming, but for right now I'm just working on understanding what my real life is and that it will never be the life I am imagining in my head - and that's ok.

[Romeofro]

Ayee. The names Zackk. First all i've got to say is you shouldn't feel ashamed because of what happend to you. It wasn't your fault. Even if you initially said yes to having sex. No, stop, dont all means no. And you should feel empowered you survived! Theres alot of people that wouldn't ever make it past something like that. They would just end it all the second after it happened. I know if it was me, i would have. To me, your a strong person for surviving that and still living life. And I know that traumatic events obviously make people have a certain response, but your strong. You got a job, and your not six feet under. But I also daydream... excessively as well. I know what your talking about when you say it gives you a sense of "relief." You feel good afterwords or during the dream. Its a really good feeling. Like a natural high that's always available to your disposal. But i think as long as your daydreaming doesn't inter fear with your job, or personal life than its not affecting you negatively, then it's alright if you dont stop. Truthfully, how many people have a stress reliever that's non- lethal? Most people get relief from drugs, alcohol, self injury, and other things. To me, these are negative stress relievers. And i think you can become anything you want to be, do anything you want to do, and go anywhere you want to go. You just got to keep telling yourself your gona do it and not accept anything less than your up most expectations;)