Intro/Question about MD

[Katie D]

Hello

I just found this website three days ago, and I was absolutely relieved to discover that this has a name, and there are others, that I'm not a freak, and pretty much everything that everyone else has said in their introduction posts.  I have been strolling through the forum posts to try to get more information about MD before asking any questions that I have.  But, surprisingly, I have ended up with more questions, and doubt as to whether or not what is happening in my head is really Maladaptive Daydreaming, or if I really am just away with the faeries.  

So, some basic daydreaming info on me.  I started telling myself stories when I was about 4 or 5 when I was in bed as a way to distract myself from the scary dark.  It carried on for fun, always at bed time, until I was about 12, when I discovered I could daydream any time I liked.  That's also when I started to loose control of it.  The loss of control happened shortly after my family moved to a different country where I didn't speak the language, and I had to go to school everyday and literally just sit there with nothing to do.  Until I was 18, all my daydreams fit into similar themes as I have read on these forums: idealized form of self, pre-existing fictional characters, conversations I wish I could have, future me, etc.  All daydreams were varied and diverse in detail, and were essentially many different stories that I made up.  Since I was 18, however, all of my fantasizing involves one story, one world, without any idealized version of me, with a beginning, middle, and end (I actually cried when I visualized the end, while I was at work!).  The story has grown and become very complex.  I feel as if this story is such a huge part of me, and no one knows anything about it.  I could never tell anyone about my daydreaming, but I did tell two separate people about the story and painted it as a novel I was writing.  I couldn't bring myself to say I was actually just living it in my head.  It felt like a shameful secret.  I have been worried for so long now that something was wrong with me, which is how I have found this site.  

After reading the description of MD, I thought 'oh my!  I have that!', but after reading so many stories of how MD effects people, I'm not so sure.  For example, whilst i would never say it's under control, it is no where near as bad as it was.  When I was a student, it was particularly difficult, as I would sit through an entire lecture and not hear any of it.  Now, however, if I need to concentrate for work, or whatever, I can (except for conferences, I can never control it there).  I can easily get through a work day without my world popping in.  The mundane, everyday stuff is usually where it pops up.  My daydreaming has never negatively affected my ability to work.  Listening is different however.  Can you have MD, be indulging in your daydreaming, and no one around you have any idea?

Also, my daydreams are now centralized on one character, and from what I gather, other people seem to have so many different stories.  Frankly, that sounds much more fun, but I am not even sure I could switch into a different story.   Does MD have to be a variety of daydreams or can it be just one continuous?

Do I have MD?  Or is this just a crutch, a coping mechanism left over from childhood?  Is there a difference?  Is MD a spectrum, like autism?  Some people are more severe than others.  Where is the line between someone who enjoys daydreaming and MD?  Is it the addiction?  Can it go away or slow down on its own?

And I understand that MD is a relatively new concept to therapists, etc, but is it possible that MD is a form of our minds trying to filter and understand our lives (there's a similar theory that that is what our dreams are)?  Do other people find that their daydreams actually reflect, in either a literal or symbolic way, things that are happening or have happened in their real lives?  Or is that when your daydreams are a coping mechanism and not MD?  It took me 5 years to realize it, but my daydreaming story definitely reflects things in my life.  

Either way, I am very pleased to have found this site.  It's been a very educational three days so far!

Thanks

~K

[Steve C]

Hey, welcome.

The way I look at it is that if you don't feel it's affecting your life then it doesn't matter if someone says you have it or not. Now that you know you're not alone, how does that change your view of it?