In school they thought i am stupid

[Stephan42]

I was so happy when i first read about MD. Honestly I thought that everybody would do that but apparently there are only „a few“ of us :) I have three worlds i created. One: I am a soccer player and I created my whole career and the career of other „players“ and „coaches“. It is like a fantasy soccer game. I have every year, every World Cup etc in my mind. The other world is me as a basketball player. Same like the world before and the last world is me as a actor. I started at the age of 15 I guess. I wrote the whole soccer career in a book. I wrote down all games with the scores. When I was 18 I burned this book because I felt so guilty.

Now to my problems in life: I passed my school. I passed another education level, i passed my bachelor and I worked a lot and was active in social work and sports. BUT in school I was always the one with bad grades. I was always a nice person but I had problems to learn. People thought I am stupid. I am lazy etc. But I wasn’t. I was just sitting/moving in my room and „playing my world“.
I notice that i spend much time in my worlds when I do something I don’t want to do. Like now. I am in my master degree and I have to learn but it is happening again. People see my learning but in my mind I am completely somewhere else. It is not only those worlds i am, also i dream doing different subjects and dream what I could do with it. My problem is that I don’t know a lot. Everything i learned in my life is forgotten. That is my problem. I feel like that my mind is completely full with my daydreams. In order to finish Tests or presentations I always have to learn everything word by word. I cannot understand and talk about the topics. I always have to force me to memorize it. I cannot talk free about the stuff I learn on university.

It is really hard to „forget“ my worlds. I hope one day that i am able to forget all of this but when I think about it, this data base is so huge, it will be hard to forget all of this.

Somewhere I read that somebody said it is like a drug. Yes. It is a f****** drug. I get so hyped when I wake up, home alone and know I can go and play the World Cup or Champions league of one created player. Adrenalin and joy. After a while i get tired and lie down on the couch. Sometimes it is crazy.

I am so happy to read about your things.

My parents separated when I was 6. That was the most horrible thing for me. I can remember the exact moment (place/weather/voice) when my father told me that they separate. My parents had money so i had a very good life but there we’re continuously problems between my parents and new life partners through my puberty. That is the only „trauma“ i have.

I hope i can stop that dreaming one day. Maybe I am in the wrong track at all. Maybe didn’t learn the right thing in my life.

I wish all of you the best :)