I wanted to introduce myself

[Steve C]

Hello everyone,

It was only earlier today that I learned of the term maladaptive daydreaming while having an emotional breakdown about how it affects my life negativity. While visiting this site, I came to tears because I could relate to every single one of you, and for so long, I felt so alone with this problem. I feel so relieved, so liberated, that I can finally find a group of people who I truly relate to. Thank you guys.

I would like to tell my story. I tried to explain myself on forums years back only to be called completely crazy and in need of serious medical attention (Perhaps thats true for other reasons). I feel like I don't have to try to sugar-coat my DDing with people that understand.

I am in my mid 20's and have been doing this since early childhood. I would use the parts from action figures or take sticks and do the pacing back and forth/shaking/twirling thing. It was like the sticks or whatever (Usually L shaped) were the edges of random objects in my daydreams. It's hard to explain, but it makes the daydream more vivid. Either way, I quickly learned that pacing back and forth twirling sticks in the air while making proton pack sounds pretending I'm a Ghostbuster was not a social norm, and started to do it in private.

Growing up I got caught several times, by both family and friends. It was extremely embarrassing every time, as there is no way to sanely explain what I'm doing. Because of this I'm very paranoid about DDing alone. I have to make sure that doors are closed, curtains are drawn, and that I'm in a spot where I can throw away my straw and play it off (Past 10 years I've "advanced" to using a straw, and find it the best to use). I'm sure my parents are aware that somethings up since somtimes I have close calls, but they know I'm not crazy.

I see that some people here are proud of DDing, and sometimes I am, but I've been using it for years to cope with stress, anxiety, and self-confidence, which I'm realizing has a big role in my destructive ways and depression. It's only gotten worse as I got older, now typically I'll DD from 10PM-1AM, when I need to be up at 7AM for work. During the week it's the only time I feel like I won't be interrupted. During weekends, I can go for hours during the day when no one is home, and all night until 4AM. Writing it out like this makes me see just how much time is wasted.

I realized on my own that I could try to channel it to help me figure out problems, so I do see the benefit once under control. My problem is that most of my DDing consists of an ideal version of me, having past or future situations happen in different ways. I do sometimes decide to have complete fantasies where I'm not exactly myself, but when I'm depressed, I ruminate. Lately as I've been sucked in more and more to this other world, I feel a lot of frustration and inability to act on anything in the real world. I've tried to stop DDing and other bad habits like smoking all at once a couple times, but it never lasts.

So, instead of failing in real life, I imagine a ideal me that succeeds at habit changes like eating better, waking up in the morning and reading the news, and how these habit changes would lead to the ideal life I want. But, I don't act in the real world at all! It's like I'm in this bubble and I can't force myself to even do the first step in pursuing being like my ideal me.

I've been getting by at work with doing less and less, but all of the procrastination is starting to build up and show. I feel like lately I just go through the day to come home and DD.

The most damaging part of my DD is when it comes to women. I had a lot of negative experiences with girls growing up, so my self-confidence is pretty low. So it's no wonder I still never have any luck, as they can smell confidence from a mile away. I always had a yearning to have a significant other, so I always imagined girls up and played out relationships. Often I go to bed and begin a DD from beginning to end about meeting girls in random ways and having a relationship develop. Of course this is a vast contrast to my real life, which causes me a lot of depression and wondering "WHY??", when I know the answers.

I know this was a long post but I'm glad to get it out. I hope that on here I can get some tips and help on how to control or stop my addiction. Thank you for reading

[Palejade]

Welcome to the site!! your story sounds a lot like mine, though i guess all of us have had similar lives so far. i hope you find the things you are looking for, there are definitely forums on what helps some of us control it and such. Good luck!!

[Steve C]

Hey Emilia. Once again I'm really glad I found this site, and I'd love to work with you to help each other out. I never thought I would ever be able to talk to someone about this, knowing they have gone through the same thing. I see it as a turning point in my life.

I'm not sure if I'll be able to handle going cold turkey, I think i'll first try to limit and use it as a reward. Funny thing is, I've tried all this before, in my own way. But it seems like now, I'm seeing MD as the cause of a lot of my problems instead of a result. I thought I would DD because I was really depressed and anxious, but now I'm thinking that while I may have had those emotions on their own, the DDing fuels it and recycles it. I don't usually have depressive DD's and I'm a happy person in them. When I have to interact in the real world, there are so many things that remind me of how I'm not my ideal self, and it makes me think I'm not good at anything.  Honestly, I'm kind of afraid, and scared, at the notion of stopping. I know it's not good for me, yet it seems impossible to escape and so easy to justify to myself.

For example, I'm usually snippy with my parents because even though I don't get caught, they often interrupt my sessions to ask a innocent question about dinner or something, and I'll give a snippy remark because I'm being bothered. I would like to point out that I didn't play with the action figures themselves (too bulky), I would use the accessories of action figures, like a hockey stick or something, anything that had that L shape. I use a straw now because it's very lightweight and I hardly notice it in my hands. It's also somewhat acceptable to see out in the open if I forget to put it away (It's a straw, who pays attention to that?). I sometimes get paranoid that a family member is hiding a video camera in my room because they suspect I'm still doing what they caught me doing 20 years ago.

I like your cat burglar story, I can relate. The one most embarrassing time I can remember is when I was  younger and was using a small stick to help act out fight scenes from a video game. It was a more more energized session, more intense than other DDs, and I was having a good time going wild making sound effects. I turned around to find my sister staring at me. Then laughing uncontrollably. I felt like crawling in a hole and dying. We both knew there was no way I would be able to explain it.

I like to do that heist type stuff if I see a good action movie and am alone afterwards. As a technical person, most of my DDing involves a lot of back story to make the DD more plausible. If I DD about having my own house, I have to ask how I was able to get my own house, when in the future it would be most probable to be in that situation, etc. I know it can be used as a very powerful tool because there were many scientific ideas and inventions that I came up with after weeks of DDing, only to find that it already exists, exactly as I concluded on my own.

Emilia said:

Hey Stevie C!

Thanks for sharing your story. I can't tell you how much I love reading things like this; the longer the better. It fully expresses everything you have to say. This is exactly how I felt when I found Wildminds. I feel like I'm reliving the elevation all over again. I have a number of things to say to this: that you really do think carefully about who you want to tell about your daydreaming. This is a skill that I wish I had, because unfortunately, I've had the experience of telling the wrong people.

This is the part I just don't understand. Why, oh why are people so utterly unsympathetic about MD? I simply don't get it. The concept is easy to understand. We do it because we're unhappy with our real world, so we make up other worlds to compensate. And secondly, there is absolutely NOTHING ethically wrong with it. We don't go round killing people. We're not sexually deviant. Why is this always the reaction towards it? There are worse things out there that get more sympathy than MD does. It doesn't make any sense.

Oh yes. The mortifying feeling of getting caught. I'd say that everybody's gone through that. I certainly have. The last time I was pretending that I had long claws - very much like catwoman, and that I was trying to steal a very expensive diamond necklace from behind a glass window. My brother walked in on me tracing an oval shape into the wall with my nails. And there were numerous other times when my family have caught me mumbling to myself or wandering the corridors. But yeah, I certainly know what you're talking about.

Steve, you have a very interesting motion. Playing with straws and action figures.... I tend to walk around with my headphones on, swing on my chair. Oh, and I guess here's an interesting one: staring into mirrors. You remind me of this girl called Kendra who's post I was reading a couple of weeks ago. She said in her post that she plays with barbies when she daydreams.

You have an idealized you? I do too! It would be interesting to know who this idealized you is; so (if you'd like - because other people do it) write a short story/ poem, or even an entry to fully describe him. You sound very interesting and creative. I would be personally intrigued by what you'd have to say. As for wasting a lot of time, one of my councellors told me that all of this meant that I need to creatively express myself. Perhaps that's you too. You're job doesn't sound like it's allowing you to do that. That's another good thing about the site - you are allowed to do these things. My personal advice to you is: have a limited time to express your creative self - use the site. The rest of the time, do real world stuff to do with your job, and people around you (your friends, your family etc.) Some people find it more useful to go cold turkey - I don't know much about you, perhaps this is better. Apart from that, I don't have any other suggestions, because I've never tried any specific techniques to deal with daydreaming. I just tend to throw my weight against it at full force and try to stop for good.

But the next time you're online, I'd like a friend who I can work this out with systematically. It's much better trying to quit with someone than alone. I'm sure most people here want that, but I'm certainly one of them. And I feel like you at the moment with your work: I don't know how much longer I can stay in college before getting kicked out. Anyway, it was nice to see you introduce yourself - you come across as a very nice interesting person, and I would like to get to know you.