I Overdid This

[Silver Swan]

As a grown adult at 33, I fully understand the truth of my life, compared to my teens. In my youth, I was immature and didn't get out. I was no social butterfly and struggled to maintain a circle of friends. I felt as though I was missing traits, such as good verbal skills and the ability to interact in a crowd. I got mercilessly bullied at school and had no clue who I was as an individual. Everything in high school was very FAKE, and I tried to mimic others who were self-assured and actually had a personality. I was quite the daydreamer, but it had it's harmful effects on where my life was heading. I had the illusion that my future will look great, but never saw that grey cloud looming over the horizon. People were trying to warn me with their "words" that I had a problem and I should fix it immediately, but complacent as I was when a teenager, I payed no attention or didn't take it seriously.

I took full advantage of MDD, thinking it'd give me all the answers. I did this for years. Now I wake up to the same lifestyle, but older and tireder. I realize that I didn't do the correct things to prevent these cycles from reoccurring. I just sat there and dreamed, looking all weird to everyone around me. With shock I realize this only makes things worse, and doesn't latch me onto new found friends and partners. What I really had to do was focus on myself and my sole purpose in life. Now I wish that I had listened to what others were saying, and not the lying narrative voices inside my head.

[Dnivog97]

Fuck! I am 22  and this hit me like a rock. Everything you described is exactly what I am going through and thinking Life will be great and just daydreaming all the time. I don't know how to stop. I'm all over the place and what you've written resonates with me. I've been lying to myself that it'll be better and I've known I've got mdd for the past 2 years but nothing has changed at all.

[Silver Swan]

Yeah, nothing has changed for me after 20 years of doing this. In fact, MDD put me into the same lousy life cycle since it began. If I hadn't been daydreaming I probably would've been OK. I am so mad at myself right now, and very pained too. I could've had much better experiences and opportunities. I could've had a good life. I probably could've gotten married.

[Dnivog97]

I am trying to change things, after reading your post, I have got the motivation to go the extra step and actually do something about this Life sucking disease. I just hope I can get out of it., also, have you tried Inner engineering by Sadhguru? I have done it and it kinda helped me but then i did not have the drive in me to continue with the practices so it relapsed. I'll do it again this time with purpose.

Silver Swan said:

Yeah, nothing has changed for me after 20 years of doing this. In fact, MDD put me into the same lousy life cycle since it began. If I hadn't been daydreaming I probably would've been OK. I am so mad at myself right now, and very pained too. I could've had much better experiences and opportunities. I could've had a good life. I probably could've gotten married.

[Silver Swan]

As for hoping everything will look great in the future. I guarantee you have to make it look great by not daydreaming. Your life will be gold if you have a great attention span, strong work ethic and your very good with people. If you do MDD, you lose and nobody is going to like you. Your life is going to fall flat and you'll land in a rut position.

When I turned 18 and went to Art College, I thought my life was going to rock. I had dreams of traveling the world, connect with all sorts of artists, also eventually get married and start a family. My future turned out vice versa, in a way I didn't want and as they always say "Murphy's Law."

So if you can quit MDD, please do.

[Silver Swan]

It's a good thing your trying to quit at 22. Try 33! If all you did was fantasize and not take your studies seriously. My head feels much older than it should be at my age, and I happen to look so much younger. Not fun.