How MDD changed my life

[Silver Swan]

I sometimes think starting MDD in the first place was 'barking mad.' Well, I allowed it took the better out of my real life, so I feel that I deserved it. I was a young kid when I started, so I was too immature to make sense of what I was doing. My peers and other people were always tossing hints, gags and sarcasm about my funny behavioral quirks, even mimicked how I looked. However, I was very contempt and didn't seem to care or buy what they were criticizing about. I thought that my fantasies were awesome at that age.
Now that I'm in my 30's, I honestly regret ever going that direction. It's put a huge impact on my attention span and the way I communicate on a daily basis, but also how I connect with people. It prevented me from developing healthy, positive and long-term relationships with anybody. It impeded with all of my jobs, stunted my personal growth and made it nearly impossible to earn my independence. Every morning I wake up feel scared, lonely and have no clue 'who I really am.' Any wave of movement and society that once colorized the aura encompassing of my way of life, as an adolescent, is now vaguely embedded in my memories. Merging into adulthood, I'm almost never around people, as I used to be, so learning about myself is more difficult than ever. If I hadn't done MDD and payed more attention to others, I would be in a much better situation today, surely enough.