How I plan on telling my family.

[Lydia McKee]

Ive been writing this for about a week I'm planning on having my family read it so they can finally know the REAL me. Let me know what you think......(btw they don't know what MD is so it kind of explains it) After reading this my question for you guys is...Should I go more in depth of what I fantasize about or leave it at that? let me know!! 

I’ve lived with this… thing since I was about 11 years old. I’m now 27. I don’t know how it started. I’ve read articles about how it usually starts for most people and I have gone through that same trauma (clearly I do know how it started). But it was many many years after that happened and I wasn’t even thinking about that anymore but that’s not the point. The point is, I’m ready (I think)…. (I hope) to reveal my darkest secret.

Suffer is the wrong word to use for my….ummm condition? Because I don’t suffer from it, or at least it doesn’t feel like it. I, in fact, enjoy it. I’ve just recently discovered that my condition has a name. It is called Maladaptive Daydreaming. Maladaptive daydreaming is often misdiagnosed as Schizophrenia, which is a type of psychosis. This is because people with schizophrenia cannot differentiate reality from fantasy, Maladaptive Daydreamers can. I’ve never told anyone this before because, well for 1. I didn’t know exactly what it was, and 2. I felt childish like people would think it’s just “imaginary friends”. But my rabbit hole goes much deeper than that.

A lot of the stories I’ve heard with MD is people tend to be themselves and go into another world in which they have created or many different worlds depending on the person. I, however, am not even me. I’m not my same age, height, skin color, eye color, or even gender. I am not me when I daydream. I feel like my character more than I do myself. But again that’s just in my head (kind of…rabbit hole). I shared this with a few and I do mean few people and one person had asked me if I was or would be transgender because of this. My answer to that is No. I would not because Lydia is not gay or “born in the wrong body”. I am who I am in reality. And He is who He is in MY reality.

That may have gotten a little confusing with the whole transgender deal so let’s back pedal for a second and let me be as blunt as possible. I am Lydia. I am “Tom”. Lydia, obviously, knows about “Tom” and who he is. ”Tom” has no idea who Lydia is. He has never met nor will he ever meet Lydia because that’s the way I want it. By the way forgive me for referring to myself in the third person I just wanted it to be easy to understand (understatement of the year). ***characters names are changed to protect their identity*** :-)

Triggers are things in the real world that cause a person to start daydreaming. Anything to do with the five senses and much more can trigger a daydream. This varies from person to person. So what triggers my daydreaming? EVERYTHING lol. Seriously, music is the #1 trigger for me. Most times I actually put music on to purposely trigger a daydream. Movies are triggers, pictures, smells, boredom, and being overwhelmed are the majority of my triggers.

"This is not like rehearsing a conversation that you might have with a boss,"
"This is fanciful, weaving of stories. It produces an intense sense of presence." –Eli Somer

I like this quote by Dr. Eli Somer because it articulates what has been going on in my head for years. My stories weave and change and replay, all with the same characters, sometimes new ones but the main character always remains the same. Sometimes I do take the role of the other characters but that is always for a brief period of time. And it does “produce an intense sense of presence”. These characters are not just in my head, I feel like they are here with me. When my character is talking to them, I fell as if they are physically in the room with me. As scary as that may seem to some, it’s actually very comforting. To feel that, even when I want to be alone to daydream, I’m not alone because the characters are here.

[Aquafirewolf]

Hello Lydia,

I loved the way you explained MD. I think you should go in depth about what you day dream if they ask or if you feel comfortable. This was an amazing read and is similar to mine. I felt comfortable at first with my MD but overtime I feel awful about it. I believe your parents will understand and I wish you the best outcome!

From,

Aqua

[Lydia McKee]

My only fear is that they will ask questions that I don't want to answer. And even though I want to tell them I DON'T WANT TO TELL THEM lol. I want to get this weight off my shoulders but I feel overwhelmed when I start to.

Aquafirewolf said:

Hello Lydia,

I loved the way you explained MD. I think you should go in depth about what you day dream if they ask or if you feel comfortable. This was an amazing read and is similar to mine. I felt comfortable at first with my MD but overtime I feel awful about it. I believe your parents will understand and I wish you the best outcome!

From,

Aqua