Hi - this is my introduction :)

[Jenny]

Hi, I stumbled across this website after I saw a Tumblr post about Maladaptive Daydreaming - feeling astounded and curious that the "thing" that I do has a name and, more importantly, other people seem to do too, I googled the name and found myself here. I am so, so happy that this website exists - I have been looking through many of forum posts over the last week or so - I can't believe that I am not alone! It feels very surreal to be writing this.

I have been daydreaming, or living with my "stories" , for as long as I can remember (I am now 27). Mine always revolve around TV shows/movies/books/video games and if I do do one with a unique plot it always borrows characters or setting from another work of fiction. Somehow I've always been aware that "normal" people do not do this so I have never mentioned it to anyone although it hasn't really worried me - perhaps once or twice a year I stop myself in the middle of a daydream and think to myself "hang on, what are you doing? Isn't this weird to be doing this?". As a teenager, I told myself that as soon as I found a boyfriend, my stories would definitely stop as 99% of the time the main "aim" of the story is to end up with a certain person/character. Although as soon as my brain takes me to the part of the story where "me" and the character get together, I almost instantly get bored and abandon the story all together or go back and re-do the  story again from various points. At 16, I found a boyfriend who is still my current partner - and I still daydream frequently, even though I am very happy in my relationship with him. My daydreams still centre around romance - I would be ashamed to type them out as I'm certain they would sound very childish!! 

I feel as though my stories are more of a comfort thing (I do it when I'm about to go to sleep or when I'm bored) but rarely interfere with my real life (although sometimes if I'm sat quietly in the car for a while my OH will turn to me and tell me I'm being very quiet..."I'm just thinking!" I say, realising that I've been sat there daydreaming). Sometimes I find myself becoming frustrated if I don't have a story to fall back on when my mind is wandering - although it never takes long before I start one again, even if it's one I have replayed dozens of times.

I find that I can become quite obsessed with certain things and that will fuel a new daydream. For example, we have just started watching the TV series "Vikings" and I have been making up stories about the characters and inserting "my" character into the different scenarios. Sometimes when I watch a new TV show/movie, it makes me happy when I know I have found another source for my daydreams - although sometimes I get annoyed with myself when I start daydreaming and inserting "my" character into the story while I'm still trying to watch the original!  I feel as if I want to pause one or the other so I can do one at a time. Some can be more intense than others, I think it depends how much I like the TV show/movie that has triggered that particular MDD.

I usually play the same character - she is an ideal version of myself with my own name; she is everything I wish I was - smart, beautiful, funny and confident. In real life, I have quite low self esteem so from that respect it is obvious why I would want to "play" a character who is so much better than myself. 

I am in awe of those of you who make up your entire worlds and play different characters for years and years, with their own timelines and everything - mine feel quite lazy in comparison as I always "borrow" from other things and I always chop and change between stories and timelines, depending on what mood I am in. Until I started reading the forum, I did not  even consider that there could be people out there who's MDD affects their lives and has become a debilitating disease - I truly hope that you can find the relief you are looking for an are able to control your daydreams - if I come across anything that I think might be helpful I will post it on here. 

In my own experience, I know that my daydreams become less when my mind is very busy. A few years ago, my partner and I went to Japan for 2 weeks and when I returned I realised that I had hardly MDD'd at all in that time - it was as if my mind had become too "full" for my fantasy worlds, even when I was going to sleep in my hotel room at night. It was very strange to be in a country where you cannot even begin the read/understand the language around you and I felt like my brain was on "alert" the whole time. I feel as if maybe it is the monotony of everyday life which is a huge trigger in people who MDD like we do? I wonder how many of us there are out there.

Thank you SO much to the lady who started this website, allowing us to share our experiences. And sorry for the long post! It feels very strange to be writing this all down. Everyone on here seems very compassionate and kind to others, I am glad that I have found this forum. :) xx

[The1andonlyAbber]

Some of my characters are original, some are borrowed. Sometimes when I borrow a character they become an original character because their personality and appearance evolve to become totally different and I end up changing their name to something else.

[Katherine Milano]

Wow this is essentially exactly the way that I daydream!!!

[Jenny]

It's so interesting, isn't it? That so many people daydream in similar ways but most of us thought we were alone!