Wild Minds network
Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest
Hi I'm new here and looking for some help!
I'm almost eighteen and female. I still live with my family; I will graduate high school in a few months. I only found out about MDD a few weeks ago, when I finally got up the courage to try to find out if anyone else dealt with something similar to this on the web. I didn't expect to find that there's actually a "disorder," but the more I read about other people's experiences with MDD and what we know about it the more I realize how it is EXACTLY me.
I've always daydreamed, and done so very intensely for as long as I can remember. I've had several fantasy worlds, probably three or four main ones, each of which lasted for several years. The older I got, the more complex they got, and the longer they seem to last. I've been on my present one for about six years now. It grows and evolves each day, but it remains fundamentally the same "world." I often slip away without fully noticing it, or sometimes even do so on purpose if I am bored. It relaxes me, and if I don't daydream I become very stressed. Until learning about MDD I never really thought this was that abnormal. I knew I daydreamed more than the average person, but I always thought of it as something other people could do if they wanted to. Now I realize that apparently that's not true.
The biggest problem with my daydreaming, and the thing that made me realize something weird was going on, was that I often react to it by running back and forth, jumping, pacing, walking quickly, etc. I often don't realize I'm doing it until some outside factor pulls me out. I can daydream without doing this if necessary, but I will get cranky and stressed if I'm prevented from doing this for too long. My parents know about the running; they think I'm crazy. They also think I can prevent it if I try hard enough. I've tried; I can't. I have managed to hide it from people outside my immediate family, but next year when I go to college I will have to share a dorm room with someone else and there will not be a lot of space. If anyone has any advice or has experienced anything similar, please help, this is becoming a huge issue.
I have never considered daydreaming in itself to be a bad thing, and I still don't. I think that it could certainly have negative consequences, like paying attention or the running I described above, but I don't think it's a bad thing in itself. I think it makes me more creative, and may even help me publish a really great story some day. I am not interested in quitting completely; I know I would be miserable if I did. I am a straight-A student in a rigorous IB program and am usually very driven and motivated, so I don't foresee huge problems with it interfering with my life in the future, although I have noticed it getting worse over the past couple of years.
Sorry for this ridiculously long post. Honestly, just finding out about this has taken a huge weight off my chest. I know longer feel as if I'm weird or alone.
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Richard Quest on
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Exact same here. I don't think my MD is bad at all, I use it as fodder for stories ans hundreds of drawings! After finding this site, I finally realized that I could safely share my work with people who are experiencing the same things as I am!
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Permalink Reply by Ivy White on
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Considering the dorms thing, I just wouldn't be able to deal with that at all. Is there a way you could have a private room? If not possible at all, I sometimes went for long walk in nature, and I DD while walking.
Considering the bad or not, I don't seem to always have it under control. Sometimes it takes over, and then it is obviously not a good thing because it is disruptive to social life, work etc. I wouldn't like to stop DD, but I'd like to be able to switch it on and off.
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Permalink Reply by Elizabeth on
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Sorry I haven't gotten back to you yet. I actually was out of town for a competition, where I spent four days in a college dorm. It is not the first time I have done this, and I have noticed that if I stay in a small room such as a hotel or dorm room for a few days at a time I can repress the outside reactions. However, once I get home, I seem to run even more. I have noticed a similar pattern when I come home from school every day; as soon as I am within the privacy of my own house it is almost as if I have been bottling it up all day and then it all comes out.
As to getting a private room, I'm not sure where I'm going next year, but I don't know of a college that would even have that option, especially to a freshman. Certainly not the ones I have applied to at least...
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It is different where I live, we don't even have common rooms. I agree about the bottling up, it does the same for me. If I'm in an environment where I'm not able to, everything will explode once I'm back somewhere comfortable, alone.
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Well the thing is I am usually not alone when I am home, since I still live with my parents and little sisters. They know about the running but nothing else... they have no idea what causes it and I am NOT going to tell them because they are very upset about the running and I know they wouldn't listen. They think I should be able to stop if I want to they don't understand that I am incapable of it. I have tried to tell them that and they refuse to believe me. I suppose their reaction is a big reason I am so worried about others finding out.
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I would lie to people who don't know you and say the running around is how you memorize things. I know I actually do that, when I need to cement things in my mind I'll pace up and down and mumble it out as if I were explaining it to someone. It is not an uncommon learning mechanism. So the tale might hold, but it also depends if you verbalize the dialogues or if you just mutter.
Also, I am sorry your family is so unsupportive. It saddens me to see how readily people will judge their loved ones.
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Thank you for your support. I may try your story but I honestly don't know if they would believe me... I turn 18 in a month and graduate high school this June, so I'm just kind of counting down the days until I can move out. Fortunately I do have some great friends, one of whom knows the full extent of my MDD and has been SO wonderful and supportive. I am so thankful to have her.
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