Hi, I'm new here.

[Katia]

I just found this site and also just found out about MD although I'm sure I've had it for a long time. I'm 25 and daydreaming has been an issue for me since I was real little. Its also an issue I have never admitted to anyone. I had a really crappy childhood and for me it was an escape. I spent a lot of time alone and felt isolated even when I was near my family, so I made a world in my thoughts that I could retreat to. I have had various story lines over the years and some I even grew sick of and abandoned, but many I've had for a long time. They have elaborate back stories  and settings that are very detailed and I feel strong emotional ties to the characters. I usually don't have my daydreams around others, because I fear they might some how notice. Once I'm by myself though they kick in. I'm aware they are fake and that I need to lay off of my fantasies, but I struggle with that. They've been like my security blanket for years. I often think to myself that I live deep inside my thoughts more than I do in real life although I function more or less fine there as well. I suppose if I'm honest I'm a bit depressed although melancholy has become a comfortable norm. I don't do that well socially though. I'm introverted and have a hard time breaking out of my shell and interacting with people in a more open genuine way. I know my daydreaming is part of the problem. It keeps me looking inward and serves to wall me into my own mind and the world I created there. My daydreams are often triggered by art, music, and things I watch and read. I have an overactive imagination and am a creative person and I tend to draw on those things to create the rich landscape I keep tucked away in my thoughts. In fact that's probably partly where it started. I was alone and unhappy as a kid so I buried myself in a book, a picture, a song and ultimately used those things as springboards to create my fantasy worlds. Its actually gotten worse and more elaborate as I've gotten older and my villainous iPod doesn't help. Music probably effects my daydreaming more than anything. Once I put on my headphones (and they are almost always on) I'm transported away. Its the cinematic score to the movie in my mind's eye.

I do try to cut back and as of late have been really  feeling the emptiness of my existence as a day dreamer. I know I need to try and live in the real world more. Its hard though especially since as I've said I'm socially inept. Working a demanding full time job helps and I also have taken to exercising a lot. Shifting my focus to activities in the physical world goes a long way. The only problem is that at this point in the game I'm a little too good at maintaining both "existences" simultaneously especially if no one else is around to draw my focus. Sometimes I think I should maybe channel my creativity into painting or even writing. I use to paint and draw, but got burnt out on it in college. Plus I tend to lack the courage to actually put my dreamscapes and other imaginative thoughts to paint or pen and paper. It goes back to my fear of others discovering or gaining any glimpse into my internal world.

Its actually kind of strange that I'm even writing this. I post on other internet forums all the time, but never mention these things. I often have internal dialogues about the issues my day dreaming causes. I even sometimes ponder whether or not I can ever truly break free from them given my heavy reliance. Plus there would almost be something sorrowful about fully letting go. My day dreams are a part of me. They are patchwork landscapes comprised of my likes and  hopes where an idealized version of myself can live free from the constraints of my less than ideal life. I don't believe in counseling. I won't pay someone to hear my problems and try to diagnose me. Plus I do function fairly well outside of my social problems. I'm not psychotic and I have full control over my dreams. I even have a decent job and a college degree. I just need to find more and more things outside of that wall of dreams to occupy my time. It is nice to see I'm not alone though. I've often wondered if others have such elaborate thoughts. I hope maybe through reading the stories of others here I might be able to work through my own issues better. Its also somewhat liberating to admit this even if it is to a group of internet strangers. Anyhow, I'm done being long winded and look forward to exploring this community of dreamers. ;)