Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest
My name is Sarah, I´m from Brazil so sorry about my english. It´s my first time talking here.....and it feels....strange. Until last year i had no idea that my dreams had a name. I´m 20 years and live with MDD since 5... i guess. I really don´t remember, i think i just have memories with the drems already here. Well, I just wanna say hello and i´m really happy to find all you and this site. :)
Aww! Gee, thank you so much! I'm very flattered. I've never thought of myself as pretty, and I've never had any kind of romantic relationship. I'm sure it's because I've been in love with my main daydream character for, like, twelve years, and that has REALLY messed me up. But you're right, your actions shape your life, and it's possible to work toward a better one :)
Yeah, I used to have crushes on my characters, but now I'm focused on seeking a relationship with a real person. I've never been romantically involved or active, so I sometimes use my dreams to gratify myself. Lots of people have made fun of my loneliness and quickly assume I have no friends, even a partner, because I'm a quiet person. Other times, the way I carry about in public and make my errands, people often react on me like they think I'm from some other planet, because I don't think in the same way as them. I have Asperger syndrome, so we are wired to think differently. Then they might notice I'm not quite "here." And they snap at me for not speaking up, smiling and interacting properly. So I stopped doing MD altogether. it was to much trouble.
It's awesome that you're seeking a relationship. That gives me some hope for my future. As a fellow lonely and quiet person, I understand how judgmental and rude people can be at times. But they don't understand our lives. Truthfully, I think quiet people are the best, but I'm biased. Do you have any tips for quitting MD?
It took me five years to quit. I was basically told that my MD won't make life work out. I felt like I wasted all those years pacing, pondering, and dreaming for completely nothing. Perhaps, I didn't get the idea of how social interaction is accomplished and what strengthens a relationship between people. I just thought friends came out of my damn daydreams. People get others attention by expressing themselves verbally and interacting, whereas I didn't talk at all and kept to myself. This bothered a large mass of people over my lifetime. I also forgot that's just life and I simply didn't do the right things to become successful. I wanted better things for myself, but instead I shot myself in the foot, because I just wanted to go and daydream.
If it were possible to enter a relationship, my partner would've noticed my face and eyes, and my talking, got deeply concerned (like my mom) and then change his mind. So I'm sort of feeling like an idiot. Another thing, while you doing MD, you stop noticing how you look on the outside. So someone will think your angry, upset, lost or deep in thought...or you haven't done your hair and eyebrows.
You have to take care of yourself and make sure your admirably, but also show you care for others, which means paying attention to them, talking to them and NOT daydreaming.
Instead of being a happier person, MD did break my heart, it took all the joy out. Now I'm left with people wondering if I'm OK? That is why I quit.
I'm feeling the exact same way right now, like I've wasted my life for nothing. It's a devastating feeling, isn't it? We really did shoot ourselves in the foot. And yet I still daydream knowing that MD will never improve my life. But I feel like I'm at a turning point and that I'm beginning the long process of quitting. I feel better hearing that it took you five years to quit. I know it will take me years as well.
I'm beginning to try and learn social skills as well, and finding it very difficult! It's hard after being so quiet and so anti-social for so long, but I'm going to persevere. I also feel like it would be impossible for me to have a relationship with my MD. I couldn't possibly explain my strange behavior to a boyfriend, and I know I'd prioritize my daydreams over him.
I know what you mean about the hair and eyebrows haha! It's so easy to lose awareness of how you appear to others when you're trapped in your head.
Thank you so much for your reply! It gave me a lot of hope and motivated me to try to quit again.
Yeah, it's hard to say during COVID-19 when I'll be back on my feet socializing again. So it's unexpected how others are going to react when I show up on scene. My social skills are quite bad.
How old you, by the way? I'm 34.
I feel the same way! I want to try to improve my social skills now, but it's impossible at the moment. It's frustrating that I'm finally feeling the urge to improve my life, but now I can't do it. Haha.
I'm 23 :)
Sometimes, I think I took MD way too far. It started since I was a preteen, but it should've stopped in junior high. I started laughing inappropriately at grade 8, and everybody commented on this. Putting two and two together, I realize if I hadn't ever began daydreaming, I wouldn't have gone mentally ill and doing all those weird things. MD did make me feel happy and full of hope. But those emotions were so fake and the reality around me was a vastly different scenario. I was supposed to pay attention to everything real going on, my peers and education. Also, there are always instructions being given, even when you don't work. Many times, information went out the other ear, then whoever gave it got pretty angry. Above all, many gave up on me as a friend, all because I wasn't listening to them and I didn't "talk." MD effected my urge to make a conversation. So now I look back at a past lifetime of missed opportunities, just because I didn't know any better when I was so young.
In future, I'm not going to be the same person. I screwed up, which is OK, because it's a learning curve. What happened before was a disaster and I'm owning up to it. Let it be a lesson, try to quit daydreaming, because you'll be thankful later on.