Hello, community

[Igor Skeff]

I discovered yesterday that I have Excessive Daydreaming.

You know, I was already aware that I fantasized too much, that I loved spending hours rocking back and forth in the hammock at home when I was a child/teenager. I knew I procrastinated a lot and that I also lost many opportunities.

I often feel like a “frustrated genius.” I was one of the smartest kids in my class. Today, at almost 25 years old, many of my friends have already graduated, and I haven’t. I passed a competitive exam to study at a federal university in my state, which I didn’t even attend, because I never left the house.

I spent my days playing games or sleeping, living off the allowance my father paid me. Ironically, when I started a romantic relationship with an older woman, who had a very strong personality, that’s when I finally began to wake up to life. Not for myself, but for her. I was deeply in love and started working very hard to please her, and because I was emotionally dependent on her. The truth is that I’ve always been very needy and anxious.

I know that after a very turbulent relationship, I started picking up the pieces, and once again procrastination, excessive daydreaming, and anxiety continued to act like an anchor pulling me down.

I know this is a defense mechanism that our brain uses to escape loneliness, anxiety, fear, and a reality that is very hard to face. But I don’t want to live running away — I want to confront it.

“You can’t live your life dreaming and forget to live.” — Albus Dumbledore.

At the end of last year, I relapsed after a 112-day reboot without PMO and MO, in addition to sex. The reboot gave me a lot of self-confidence and self-respect, which I want to regain (without as many restrictions as I had before regarding sex). But I want to do this.

I know that when we remove our escape mechanisms, we come face to face with a harsh and difficult reality… but I need to learn to forgive myself. I need to learn to let go of whatever is holding me back.

“Because limits, like fears, are often just an illusion.” — Michael Jordan.

I want to live without running away.