Gonna Abstain

[Marcy]

Hello. I hope you all are doing well. 

So… I’ve decided to try to abstain from MD for a while, but not permanently. Obviously, all of my previous attempts of abstaining have failed, even if they were only supposed to be temporary. However, I have always been stubbornly independent just for the pride of it when trying to deal with stuff like MD, like “I can do this myself, I don’t need support, I've always been self sufficient”, until I realized how far-fetched and untrue that is lol.

So…. I finally got another counselor. But when it comes down to it, I realize how difficult it is to actually go on without daydreaming and carrying that tension, so I’m hoping that getting a counselor and sort of announcing my plans to abstain to anyone I can (like my parents) and making a show of it will help me actually follow through this time, because this solo act isn’t working for me :P

[Silver Swan]

Ever since I decided to quit daydreaming, I've been trying to abstain from MD ever since. I have managed to stop living in alternative worlds, and after that, others stopped witnessing that I'm deaf. Still I can't completely keep clear from the habit. I have a strong imagination and always have since I was born. So many people have never understood this about me, so often, they've reacted in ways that made me wish to just sink through the floor. Looking back, I do remember people commenting that I did look as if I was in another world.

MDD seemed like this wonderful thing that made me so happy and filled me with hope. I believed that it was my destiny! Eventually it turned into something dark that sucked up my life and nearly ruined my future. In the end I felt scared, miserable and deeply embarrassed. I then realized that I got addicted into something that made me feel so good at first, but eventually spiraled me into a hole.

Lately, I've picked up gross habits and revealed them in public that make female strangers snap at me, but because I live in my head, this prevents me from feeling their horror and understanding that I'm disrespecting them. Over the past, when I did MDD on a constant basis, I'd make strange faces and gestures, stare into the distance and even laugh at inappropriate moments. However, what I was actually doing was offending all of my classmates in school. SO I made no friends as a result. They found me too weird or creepy to be their friend.

So I learned that MDD was never a destiny. It was a "lying thing" that played tricks on my mind. I should've known this from the very beginning, but I was just so young and stupid with no real world experience.

[Marcy]

Haha yeah, growing up people thought I was weird and creepy too, and I don’t blame them. But, honestly, I don’t care anymore. I know that MD has nothing to do with my real personality, so I don’t take it personally anymore.

[Silver Swan]

It saddens me that I got so entrenched into these astonishing worlds for years, and yet it was never real and nobody ever knew about it, but me. I believed my worlds promised me happiness, love, adventure and success. What makes me so mad is that I didn't once snap out of it and realized what the blazes I was doing. I kept on chugging at it for nearly two decades. In a way, I didn't promise me any of these things. Instead it ruined my life and dampened my mental health. Now I'm really sorry I ever got involved, and really wish I had payed attention to my real life. My life would've look so much better and happier today. problem is that I was only 12 years old when I picked up this addiction. I didn't know any better back then, so I thought it was OK to do this.

Scary thing is, every peer my own age was sane enough in their minds not to go there, and probably knew the consequences of doing it. I was an artistic, imaginative and sentimental person with a rare gift, so that fact didn't get into me. I guess, because their parents taught them from pre-school not to daydream. Shockingly enough, adults still get away with this, and especially when their working. I work in a job where I haven't been caught daydreaming in four years now, because I'm a communication designer that draws on a computer. So unless I didn't listen or follow instructions, I'm golden.

[Annie]

Hey Marcy!

How are you doing with this? I am also trying to go cold turkey again for the... gosh... 100th time? I had a particularly bad emotional breakdown a few days ago (in my MDD world) and so I am trying to channel the energy into the real world and snapping myself out of it as soon as I notice myself daydreaming. I am here to support you with this if you need someone to listen.

Cheers, Annie

[Marcy]

Annie said:

Hey Marcy!

How are you doing with this? I am also trying to go cold turkey again for the... gosh... 100th time? I had a particularly bad emotional breakdown a few days ago (in my MDD world) and so I am trying to channel the energy into the real world and snapping myself out of it as soon as I notice myself daydreaming. I am here to support you with this if you need someone to listen.

Cheers, Annie

Thanks! I'm doing alright. You've just described my approach, and I guess it's the feeling of uncertainty that's driving me away from reality. And I'm sorry to hear about your breakdown,  I hope you are doing okay now!

Sincerely, Marcy

[Annie]

Hello Marcy,

I'm ok, thanks. Being more productive today than the entire past two weeks. I'm glad to hear you are alright as well.

Sending positive thoughts, Annie

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I stopped MD, because it got a bit too scary. I have Asperger syndrome too, and it just doesn't mix with MD. It makes everybody think your a stupid jackass. I can't tell you how many embarrassing moments I faced, when just innocently going with my everyday life. My behavioral mannerisms and habits made others feel like I needed a whack or a scream in the face. I didn't win over a relationship, because everybody either found me antisocial, deaf, stupid and very rude and obnoxious. 

[Roberta]

I'm trying to stop MD, I also have Asperger's syndrome and I started to realize that I was suffering a lot in my world. I have problems with external feelings and with MD I did that and I was temporarily happy. Over time I realized that I was having problems in family relationships and friendships, because I don't know how to deal with most situations and I end up being very rude to everyone. I have had MD for over 10 years and it is very difficult to get out of it. I decided to seek help from a psychologist and maybe he can help me even more on this journey.

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I should've seen a psychologist a long time ago, but I feared the expenses. My mom thinks it's more likely I should see a psychiatrist. She thinks what I've been doing is crazy, as has  so many other people. It blows my mind how MDD can practically ruin your life. It started when I was 12, and then grew into something that made others not like and distrust me. So I decided to stop doing MDD altogether. 

Now that I got out of my head, my mind is a lot clearer and I have more perception of others in my surrounding environment. I'm also beginning to understand what went wrong in my past and why. I think the more I gradually improve, leaving behind MDD, the better my future will be. Then this will all be a thing of the past.