Getting back to MD

[Varaa]

I have been daydreaming ever since I can remember, but at age 15 years , daydreaming turned maladaptive because it had started replacing the other important things in my life, I had totally cut my social life and personal development. I had big plans for my career and life but MD was ruining it. I would have book in my hands for hours but I would be MDing the whole time. I managed to live with it somehow performing average and always being Sad about the whole situation Thinking it will be over once I get into adult life. Then I got a mediocre job and I learnt to MD at my office too. But I was obviously not satisfied with my progress in real life so I left my job and got back to studies and again I had to suffer failure because of MD. This time I was very hurt and really shaken to the core and decided to get rid of MD forever. And within several months I really got rid of it.(I can share how I did that if you want to know)

And now after almost a year without MD, what I feel is "Absence of MD hasn't made me any successful like I thought it would do instead I only feel miserable". I feel the joy I used to experience, even out of MD world, is no more.

For a year I told myself MD is an addiction just like any other addiction and when you quit there are withdrawal symptoms so perpetual sadness is okay let it be there it'll go away with time. But now one year has passed, I can't feel that immersion even if I choose to.
So I want to go back but I am not able to. What do you guys think???

[Jui]

Can totally relate to what you are describing and can see my own experience with MD in your words.

I left MD behind about 2.5 years ago after feeling hugely dissatisfied with my life and where I was at that time. It took me a bit more than two years to start seeing changes. Quitting was difficult and even a year in, I was still struggling at times. It pays off though and I wouldn´t want to go back, even though life is still tough at times and there are aspects of my life that I wish where already different but aren´t. I guess it will just take a bit more time. What has helped me where/ are books, motivational speeches, yoga, exercise, personal development tools and pushing myself a bit more. It has helped me get past MD but also to enrichen my life.

Sounds like not much advice, but just give it a bit more time J

Wishing you all the best!

[Varaa]

Thanks for the reply. It feels so good to know that someone removed MD and learnt to be happy just with real life. From your experience I believe I should give it a bit more time to find contentedness in a life without MD and until then have patience and focus on other positive things in life.

[Jui]

Yes, I would give it a bit more time.

By the times I quit MD, it had been a essential part of my life for over 15 years. It´s difficult to basically undo/ rewire and rewrite your life in as little as 1 year or even 2.5 years since quitting.

What has helped me over the years is journaling. I know how crappy real life was back with MD and I know how some aspects have already changed in my life. I am working at drawing out a realisitc vision for my life to define that abstract word of "a successful life" for myself. It helps a lot to be aware of what I am looking for in life in order to take tiny steps.

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I was a daydreamer from the time I could walk and talk. It got more devious, and stronger, when I was 12, in late 90's. Because I grew up living in my head, I held a certain belief system on things that weren't true to reality. To everybody else, it's like I was living on another planet. They began prodding me with questions as to why I wasn't behaving exactly like them. For instance, Why would I go straight home after class, instead of hang out with my friends? Why would I sit there all quietly doing my homework, when I should sit with them and say something now and then? Even my dad was asking me similar questions, because he noticed I would sit in my bedroom, listening to music or reading, instead of getting out of my shell and socialize, so that I can get some experience. Things started to get intense when everybody in my school were gossiping about me ongoing, because I was so antisocial and my mind seemed to be a million miles away. Next thing I knew, my grades were suffering because I found it hard to pay attention in class. I started having tutors to help me study for tests and exams. 

I was so young and wasn't conscientious about the world around me, so I didn't think much of it back then, or how significant these incidences really were. I lived in my head, so I didn't really care. I sort of lived in a ferry world. I didn't even seem to realize that was just life. After I high school was finished, and I got accepted into an Art & Design college, I felt so relieved that my life will never be the same. I was freed from bullies and I got to do whatever I wanted to do. I expected my future to be very happy, amazing and fulfilling. Was just overly complacent and full of it. In spite, at that time, I didn't pay attention to those red flags. 

I attended Art & Design College, and did enjoy studying fine art. But then my dad asked how I was going to make a living out
of my artwork. Sell them at art conventions? Work at an art store? Wind up applying for a cashier job at McDonald's? So I decided to switch my major to Graphic Design. Even though, my college told me it wouldn't work out and I didn't seem driven. 
I rolled with the punches and started applying to hundreds of design jobs all over Toronto. I attended so many interviews in firms, boutiques and agencies, but it was difficult to be hired on. My portfolio was not kick-ass and my resume was so blunt. 
Eventually, I landed myself in more contract-based graphic design roles, and it's been a decade, just hopping from job to job. Nearly every one of my employers felt I was ill-qualified, needed further educations and skills training, didn't act like I was a designer, and wondered if I ever went to College. I even noticed I wasn't fast at the keyboard, which was not economical. 

I stayed living at home a lot longer than I expected, and "Life Itself" started to catch up to me, making whatever dream world I lived in before, now look totally insane. A decade zoomed by since College graduation, and I reflect on every moment in my life that went dramatically wrong, because I simply didn't want to live on the planet Earth with everyone else. Fact that I'm in a rutty place is much deserved and a reminder of what happens when your too "out of it" to pay attention. 

So my point is, No, I'm not going back to MD ever again. I just don't want to risk losing face with reality and self-awareness. I think I'd better happier and better off not returning. I learned a lot and I will not let it happen again.