Frustration

[Anima]

Do you guys ever feel frustrated when your daydreams don't come true? Not necessarily the daydreams themselves, but the emotions that come with them? Like they're so close, but just out of reach, and if so, how do you deal with the frustration?

[Mace Winter]

I enjoy this photo

[Mace Winter]

Yes, a local zoo. It’s peaceful and I get to see animals and happy families all running around sharing in the wonder of animals we rarely get to see live. It is magical and warms my heart.

We really are the special ones in many ways. We see a world very few get to see. I don’t ignore the challenges that come with it, but there is also a depth of experience we get that others don’t. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I can think of why my future didn't happen. I didn't make it happen. I sat around and drifted all the time. My mom was always commenting on how 'gone' I look every morning. To this day I'm unsuccessful and alone. That just teaches me to get off my ass. 

[Mace Winter]

I can appreciate that feeling, I really can. But, get off our ass and do what? People don’t understand it isn’t as clear for some of us as it is for them

[Jessica Ballantyne]

What I mean by that statement is to make things happen for real. Get into action and do it yourself, and make sure others are interested. People expect you to behave in a super outgoing, proactive, energetic, upbeat and enthusiastic way with a positive attitude towards your goals. They think that daydreaming is "bad" and gets you nowhere, and if they see you do it, they think you're being so weird and wonder if you're Ok, even start yelling at you. 

I think my problem is that I have trouble approaching and talking to others, to make them feel that I'm interested in them and what they have to say. Otherwise, everybody would completely ignore me, and I just don't exist.

I've had people who found this about me: I'm too quiet to be their friend, don't leave a good first impression, don't listen to other people's words, I'm not all perky and smiling, my eyes seem all dazed and I laugh for nothing etc.

You DO have to get out of yourself and embrace the world around you. I've had people screaming for not being attentive and mindful to my surrounding environment and everyone in it.  

[Mace Winter]

Isn’t it odd how we see ourselves as opposed to how others see us? I’ve been enjoying a lovely conversation with you. You don’t seem weird or any of the other words you use to describe yourself, yet you see yourself as the oddball. 

I wonder how different we really are than others, or if we exaggerate our differences more than most? 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I always felt different from most people I've ever met. They were extremely talkative, chirpy and had a personality others can identify. Whereas I was a very quiet person, who sat back, watching them all interact amongst each other, while living in my own private world of thoughts. This DID seem normal to me, but they found me stuck up and unfriendly, I guess. I don't like to consider myself weird, maybe I have different tastes, that's all. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I think my real situation that stands is I didn't "speak up" about what I was feeling and thinking about to anybody, including my own family. So everyone felt I was in some world they couldn't see or understand. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I must admit my whole life, I was a girl of her own world. 

[Mace Winter]

I completely understand feeling as if you live in your own world. I have never felt at home or at ease or even comfortable in my own skin no matter where I have been or who I have been with. I feel sorry for women I’ve dated because there is no way any of them could have ever understood me or why the relationship wasn’t working out. That’s the main reason I don’t date any more, I just don’t want to hurt anyone else. It makes me feel bad.

M

[Jessica Ballantyne]

Frankly, I've only dated three times in my life, but not romantically. I had lunch with a guy I worked with at a restaurant. Another time, I went out with a guy to the movies, we worked at a warehouse. I really only stayed friends with both these guys, we didn't go further in a relationship. I think it's because, I was scared of a serious relationship when I was a young adult. They both had no clue about my daydreaming life, but I feared they'd find me quite deaf, because I had problems listening. I've had people get condescending when they found out I wasn't listening in hard to their conversation. Another thing, I don't talk that much—that hit a nerve with so many people. You don't talk, you don't get a date. Period. Overall, I was always afraid my daydreaming would interfere with a relationship, because my communication skills suck. And I'm not good at social interaction. I actually upset a lot of people. 

So relationships were extremely difficult to come by for me, which to some people is devastating. 

[Mace Winter]

Ugh! Dating is the worst. I can definitely understand why you don’t date much. Asking a woman out is awkward, and then interpreting all the social clues is tough. It has been easier to simply not date. People suggest that you just be yourself - as if that will help. 

Nope. I have a small group of people I speak with (text) and see occasionally, that’s enough for now. It would be nice to meet someone who gets it and I could be in a real relationship with, but I’ve become so doubtful about it happening that I don’t even look for someone anymore.

It’s also odd (to me) that it doesn’t make me sad any more. Maybe I am just so used to things as they are that I am comfortable? Maybe I have really given up? Who knows. Either way I manage to find company, like you to talk to. I appreciate it.

M