Frustration

[Anima]

Do you guys ever feel frustrated when your daydreams don't come true? Not necessarily the daydreams themselves, but the emotions that come with them? Like they're so close, but just out of reach, and if so, how do you deal with the frustration?

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I think I got too carried away with my imagination and belief system. I actually expected things were going to just show up. I did get out there, for instance I went to Art & Design college in Toronto and got a degree, and then freelanced in a range of places. What I didn't do was put a "shoe in it." Like I didn't make anything vital. I was so airy-fairy that way. I was so young. I expected everything to be handed to me in a surprise box. Now I wish that I was way more practical and realistic. I must admit, I was a kid, and I didn't know anything. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

On Tuesday my parents are getting their shower stall renovated with new tiling, and the service guys will be installing across my room. So I have to spend the day out on Tuesday. Thinking of visiting the gallery and spots in Toronto. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I found that I was so glued to one area. When I was a kid, the side of town I grew up on was right at the edge of a Great Lake. My favourite time of the day was early evening. The sunset going down on the west, casting a redness to the streets all around. My mom would play ethnic music, jazz, classic piano, and classic folk tunes, while we sat down to dinner and talk at the table. The field behind our house was different than it is now. We used to have a wide open football field and an oval track for runners, a baseball diamond and a tennis club. It was very nice looking at and resting on the porch. It was a very innocent time for me. Now the field is paved down as a parking lot and they got rid of the track, and it's now a soccer match tread. They added houses all along the perimeter. Trees behind our house died and got sawed down. 

Many years went by, and I lost all appreciation for that area I still happen to live on. My interest somehow got diminished, I guess by life experiences, responsibilities, stress, and adulthood. I just stopped caring. I actually want to move my life someplace else. I lived there for 30 years, believe it or not. I look at my peers on Facebook, and they live amazing lives in other geographical parts. If I were to move out, it would need to be in Toronto. I can't just separate that far from my family. If I hadn't daydreamed and payed more attention, I wouldn't been so stuck. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

Hi Mace, I'm doing better in a way. I still haven't found a job, but whoopty doo. I found a recruiter who is actually going to help me out. The other consultants are just stupid. I really need to improve my job hunting strategies since I can be quite lackadaisical. I've been hunched at my computer for a bit, I should get out and exercise and be socially involved like you. I hope you are enjoying your trip. I hope that I have a good summer, because I had a long and tedious spring. Next week is going to be very hot when July is arriving. I don't mind it though, I love the sun on the beach. Health wise, I need more self care. As for a social life, that is another story. I haven't been that productive, there's been no projects—a big problem. My dad pokes his head in my door asking me where I'm at and if I made progress. Each time this makes me tick. 

We got our new shower installed by service guys, but apparently we needed a plumber to come another day later, and had to pay more. So the service men are not getting any tips. Mom thinks they are a bunch of cowboys. The plumber was supposed to arrive earlier in the day, and came by at dinner hour, so we weren't happy about that. The other time, my dad went on his B.C. trip, our oven broke down and fired up at the base. It was Whirlpool and was a piece of crap, so mom had to replace it with a Samsung. 

Plus we have a 1-year old pug who won't behave. She will only listen to us if she gets a treat. Runs around the house like a race horse. Eats out of the dustpan. Pooed all over the floor and on her toy fox, after we forgot to put a pad down. My mom kids that she is going to call animal services. She's actually my sister's dog, but my sister lives in Guelph doing her Master's thesis. 

So I hope luck is on my side these next 6 months. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I was just a girl of her own world at one time. Now I'm waking up. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

How are your enjoying your trip to Oregon? I hope you've had fun. The weather's been crazy up here. It's been hot, raining, humid, and cool down. I didn't go on any trips, just been job hunting. Same old, same old. My dad is opening the cottage in July. It's Canada day weekend coming. We just finished installing our new shower stall. It's beautiful, bright and ample. Marble styled acrylic walls. The adhesive needs to dry for many hours. So I'm going to jump in the pool if I need a bath. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I'm not getting along with my mom lately. We have a plumber coming in and my mom is out with my dad getting their car serviced. There are things to fix around the house. Regardless, I have to do a lot of listening. Theres a lot of rules and instructions. My mom brings up all my habits, like using the bathroom 12 times a day, using up the soap profusely. I honestly wonder what happened to be being happy. I was Ok as a kid and teenager. Now that I'm an adult, it's not the same. Things got unyielding.

I still haven't managed to move, still don't work. A recruiter told me employment is dwindling this summer until September. Meanwhile, my dad wonders if I resolved my job hunting struggles. What can I say?

[Jessica Ballantyne]

Hi Mace, I understand if your tripping and can't answer my blogs. Things are getting better in my life, personally. I still haven't found new work, and it's starting to bother me. This weekend I helped my dad open the cottage, it was straightforward, only baffling part was lifting heavy things. I kept an omission over night about a water leak sound, while he slept. I should've reported this immediately so a fuse doesn't burn out. He fixed it first thing in the morning. I also forgot to put our packed food into the fridge, after we did our big chore. He didn't appreciate any of this. I was sort of in la la land. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

Hi Mace, we haven't communicated for a bit. I can only think you've had your fill of this blog. Excuse me if I talk a lot. It's just a way to pour out my thoughts. Life is very quiet at home. I finally dispensed that old, emotional baggage I've carried about the past, and I don't even care. That's a great sign. I can push forward and do things with no chip on my shoulder. Thing is I have so much work and catching up to do, if I want to be fully independent. I may want to brush up on my social skills, as well. I honestly don't go out much. I think I got that from my mom. 

I hope your enjoying your trip at Oregon, and it was nice talking. You were a very supportive blogger.