Frustration

[Anima]

Do you guys ever feel frustrated when your daydreams don't come true? Not necessarily the daydreams themselves, but the emotions that come with them? Like they're so close, but just out of reach, and if so, how do you deal with the frustration?

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I have a habit of being too complacent. I get comfortable and think, 'how bad could it possibly be?' Then I get a wake up call along the way. I got a digital design contract, but the way they run the system is bogus. I haven't been assigned projects for over a week. They go through a planning cycle, and then an execution (design stuff) cycle. My dad hand I had no clear idea about the nature of this contract. So I'm back on the job hunting seat. I'm embarrassed I didn't tell my dad about what they discussed in the interview. He thought it was full-fledged hours. Thing about applying in the mid spring, it's not the very best time to get hired, as we are merging into summer, and students are getting off school. Wish my luck in finding something. 

[Mace Winter]

Well, darn it. I am sorry to hear that you may not have work for a while. That can be a frustrating period of time. I do wish you all the luck in the world that a great job will show up soon.

I admit that I don’t know anything about digital art, but the stuff you sent looks good to me. It looks professional and similar to the stuff you see in magazines and online. It seems you’re right in line with industry standards, which suggests you’re good at what you do. It probably seems like no big deal to you because you have done that type of work for some time, but to someone outside the business it is damn impressive. 

In the meantime, I hope you make use of the down time by attending to self care. We all need to get outside more, laugh more, read more, and be mindful of those things we can do to improve our sense of self. I have been making it a point to do one thing every day (no matter how small) that is good for me. Yesterday I journaled, today I am going to email an old friend I haven’t spoken with in months. During the winter it was easy, I went to the zoo every day for a long walk but it’s too hot here now to do that. What is one thing you could do today just for yourself?

Looking forward,

Mace

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I can do with a breather. The weather is nice outside, so I go for daily walks. I'm sure I'll figure something out. Pardon, if I flipped suddenly. I haven't been doing too great since I left Parts Avatar. 

[Mace Winter]

No worries. I understand. I’m here if your wanna talk at some point. No pressure. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

 
I feel better now. I am applying to a few places, and the more you network, apply, apply, the more feedback you get from employers. Tailoring your application is time consuming and a strain. You have to get past the Applicant Tracking Software, companies are loaded with resumes, so a human doesn't read your work at start point. I spent months hacking away at my resumes and contacted so many employers more than you can count. Finally, I did get a gig at Loblaw Media. 

It's just, I happen to still live in my dad's house. He does stay in touch to see how I'm doing and what I'm working on. He expects I am productive and achieving projects. When I told him that my current company was in a planning stage, so they don't assign you stuff on those weeks, he got mislead and concerned. I never cleared this up with him at the time of my interview. It's only at execution stage that I start doing design work. So basically, I did nothing last week and this week.

They will get back to me eventually with more stuff. I'm fine with that. What makes me choke is convincing your parents. Some parents are not easy to convince. I don't know what your parents were like, and if they honestly cared. You told me you left young, so I suppose they simply let you off the hook, to go get a job somewhere. 

[Mace Winter]

Glad to hear you’re feeling better. It sounds like a difficult, stressful time, and good luck with the applications. 

I know family can be so stressful at times, Living with them even more so. Hopefully your dad has a patient nature and understands that sometimes we are at the mercy of outside forces we cannot control - businesses hire when they’re ready.

I was blessed to have left home as young as I did (14) and have lived by myself with the exception of a 11 year marriage. I am pretty comfortable by myself and my little routines.

Please know that I understand how life can get overwhelming sometimes. If you decide you need a break from communicating with me I would understand. Also, when you were ready to talk again there would be no judgement. I don’t require “maintenance” in order to be a friend. We ALL need what we need to feel safe and healthy inside. I respect it and encourage self care when needed.

Looking forward,

Mace

[Jessica Ballantyne]

Thanks, I definitely need self-care. Wow, 14. That's impressive. I don't think I could've done that. I was in Junior High. My mom was sending me off to summer camps. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I'm an atypical, and I learn differently, somewhat slowly, from neurotypicals. So they used to find me a tardy kid. I'm not what you call a fast adapter. I always found that I'm levels behind everybody else. Now everybody my age has moved away, discovered their passion and started a family years earlier. I'm still trying to find myself and what path I'm heading on in my 30's. Also, I'm indecisive in a career. Some people don't know what they want to do until their 40's. 

I jumped into a college program so fast, without doing my research first. Then I realized it was a hard field. I staggered for years trying to do better in the industry. Apparently, to this day, other designers just don't buy me. I might have to rethink my career choices, or stick and do better next time. It is scary for a young person. I originally wanted to be a full-time studio artist who paints all day. As you said, life does guide you into the right career path, eventually. Like it has for me. So hopefully it will for me. 

[Mace Winter]

Finding one’s passion. I bet that has been a topic of debate since someone invented  the idea of debate. Some say do what you love and the money will follow, some say it’s just a job and don’t let it define you, other’s say the only work to fund living a life, and still others suggest they’re work is their passion.

I can’t figure out what is good advice and what is just crap people say. The truth is that (at times) I found joy in my work and (at times) I despised it. Sometimes I was proud to proclaim that I was a Detective and sometimes I would lie to strangers about what I did for a living because I feel like the system is broken. 

Jessica, the truth (I think) is that we find something to do which pays the bills and hopefully funds a retirement someday. We trade time for money. If we’re lucky we will enjoy more days than we dislike. I want to believe that finding meaning and purpose and satisfaction comes from the things we do between work days: family, friends, hobbies, self improvement, helping others and allowing others to help us - feeling interconnected. My hope for you is that you don’t miss life while waiting to feel as if it has begun. 

I admit that I admire your courage in jumping into such a tough field. Anyone who is willing to compete with others in such a subjective field is brave. I am too introverted and insecure to stand by while others look and compare my work with someone else’s. Although I did take a few watercolor painting classes a few years ago and I have two pieces hanging on my wall … in my bedroom where nobody can see them but me - see, I am a coward.

I will look forward to hearing about your decision making process and your action plan. You can do this. Remember that you have a 100% success rate at getting through problems so far!

M

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I really want to find The Career now. Possibly a career in the arts, or at least something that pays the bills. I've been hopping everywhere and couldn't find anything that stuck. Being my age, I should know what I want to do with my life. And Do It. Right now, I'm talking to developers and sending my resumes all over the place. Getting a job used to not be this hard. Now it's a strategic process that takes time and patience. But it's unbelievable. I used to have an ongoing job of four years, now it's taking months just to land a temporary placement. So I have a big project this summer. Network, reach out, research, talk to recruitment. I'm sure the more I do this, the likely I'll get results. 

[Mace Winter]

I believe it. I trust that if you keep looking for something you’ll eventually find it, or something that you like just as well. In the mean time, try to be kind and patient with yourself.

M

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I will thanks.