For once

[Asha]

For four years now I have 'fantasised' about succeeding. But the success never came. Small rewards for the hard work I have done. Hard work that deserved more. Every second trying to pull myself out of its hold, every second that i was awake. Tried restricting it to the time just before I fell asleep. Held out for days but only to be trapped again. It starts every time I have some time to myself, a moment to laze. I close my eyes and i'm transferred to a niche, a world of my own. I timed myself, awarded myself when i could drag myself out and finish the task at hand, but fell back in. No one understood my decay or state of mind and hence withdrew into my shell. But for once I can put it out in the open and look around to people who feel the same. For once i'm not guilty nor ashamed.