Egotistical, musically driven, euphoric daydreams.

[Patrick Ortiz]

Hey Im new here! Been following maladaptive daydreaming for awhile now, its cool to see so many other people do the same thing as I do. Kinda felt alone in daydreaming the way I do. Im not sure if its appropriate but I want to describe my day dreaming to ya'll because I figure if there is any audience that could relate it would be here.

Since I was 8 or 9 years old when I listen to music I almost snap into this kind of euphoric dream state, where I am awake but in my mind there is this really vivid ...other thing going on. In my mind there is a music video type ultra colorful scene going on. I have to be honest, it feel amazing. Its very psychedelic but often egotistical as well. Its never sexual, its more like Japanese anime or a rave stage sequence.

Before I go on, let me say that I'm seriously addicted to this, I have not made any successful at stoping or slowing down because its so engrained. I have to do it several hours of the day. Every day.

When I go there its like pure ecstasy. I usually have to be moving around, running, driving, or walking for it really engage. My breathing becomes erratic and my heartbeat starts racing. Its like the anti-thesis of zen, but it doesn't seem evil or "bad" in any particular way. I like to imagine giving this "feeling" metaphysically (or whatever)to other people when Im feeling it. I like to imagine them giving it back to me, and there is this crescendo and build up and all these colors flash and dance around. Its like a little mini nuclear explosion inside of my mind. Its all synchronized to the music like a music video, its really dazzling and thrilling in a way.

Ironically enough, I don't really like to be around other people when I'm daydreaming, if I'm walking past someone I will usually try to change paths. When I stop day dreaming, my mind doesn't stop. Its still up there reflecting on whatever it is I'm doing in reality. Problem is, its no longer reflecting on my little fun day dream, it distorting reality. Its the same thing that is creating imaginary scenarios in my head that I play all the parts to. That same day dream turns into anxiety, self sabotaging mental commentary, and occasionally really dumb decisions.

I know its not real, but I don't know how I could ever give up the high I get from the music/euphoric part of it . Something tells me I need to channel it.

Any of ya'll do this? Thank you for reading! -Patrick

[Patrick Ortiz]

Hey! Oh man its so cool actually have someone ask questions like that. I have small moments, maybe a minute or two at a time (not when I listen to music) where Im living out little stories or movie plots that just come randomly and im sort of speaking all the characters lines. This is usually if im bored and doing somthing I dont want to be doing.

What intrigues me is that the amazing drug like musical day dreaming that Im addicted to seems to be coming from fundamentally the same place in my brain that mindless story line day dreaming comes from. The story line self talk type day dreams that I have IMO are undesireable. The musical ones, activated by a forward motion movement (walking, driving...) are of a very different nature. They are extremely desireable states to me, almost on par with certain drug experiences. They are so good it worries me because I spend hours just jamming out. Also despite how beautiful they are, they are sometimes also egotistical. Sometimes with intermittent themes of being famous (racecar driver, Dj, intellectual...). But they arent all totally immature. The best day dreams I've ever had are almost always, sprirtually, lovingly, tear inducingly themed with no egotistcal imagery in them. Sometimes I cry tears of joy. Its a really complex and wierd thing to describe. Its like mind art.

After about an hour tops I usually run out of some mental energy and can no longer "see" my musical day dream and I will turn off the music. I realize shortly after that some part of my brain is still trying day dreaming, but its not the amazing musical way, its a mindless self talking day dream that isnt very interesting. Like a improv script. Not cool or exciting. It feels like latent energy still spinnning around up there from the musical day dreaming.

I really like fast electronic music. Dnb, hardstyle, psytrance. Sometimes metal, dubstep, classical, and chillout.

The best music for my daydreaming is generally climactic and intense.

Thank you for listening :-)

[Patrick Ortiz]

Do you think we should try to turn it into art? I often come to that conclusion. I haven't tried to become an artist and my current artistic ability is poor. Oddly enough with caffeine and meditation I do pretty well in school. I wasn't any good in school until my twenties.

[Patrick Ortiz]

Caffeine help me focus and do schoolwork for sure.