Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest
Whenever I see a live action movie, I actually imagine to be my favorite fictional character and completely leave myself. Eventually, it never works out that way, because people only see the real me, from the outside. So, they'll wonder what world I'm in if I didn't take care of something. To be honest, I still pretend to be a fictional character and dramatize the moment. It gets hard around people who don't day dream. As they notice I'm not being mindful of them and my real surroundings, so I actually feel so stupid and immature about it. I'm sort of at a breaking point in my 30's, where I'm actually growing up and leaving these unusual habits behind me.
Over the years i have created several charachters i pretend to be while daydreaming
I don't pretend to be characters or people from real life but I have created my own 'personas' to interact with TV characters or pop stars I admired in childhood I've also spent so long in character (due to living a isolated life) that I actually became that character to deal with real life and lived in real life as that character in both cases for over 10 years for each character. Each character had different skills/disabilities that my original self didn't have and lived in real life as if they had those disabilities.
Now I'm stuck living as my last character created,... now dreaming about been able to live my life as my original self as I was before my first character took over at age 17!! I was very badly bullied as a child so I put it down to the trauma of that and trying to recreate myself as someone who was more respected. I still have no ability to relate to people as my original self at nearly 50 yrs old. (though I was diagnosed with Autism later in life after a major meltdown)
I have the exact same situation as you! I am a 32 year old with Autism. My life has nearly always been isolated. I too was very badly bullied as a child. Difference is, I have actually pretended to be characters from movies and shows, or people I've met in real life. I didn't exactly learn how to make up my own personas. Basically, I'd use myself as a persona in different forms, but I felt fantasizing about myself was very weird. I was never well spoken and made exaggerated smiles, also in real life, I came out looking foolish and dumb to people, because I had Autism. I was truly intelligent, but my outside appearance just sucked. Everyone just burst out in laughter or shouted in anger. So, I never, ever won any dates with guys in my whole life.
Autistic kids tend to mimic other people to fit in better, or fantasize that they are somebody else in a dream. They feel they don't fit in and belong in real life, so they almost have no better options. Although, non-dreamers tell us to quit and get with it, they don't understand, we are in pain most of the time and need someone's loving and affectionate attention. When we are left inevitably isolated and on our own in the world, it can be very tough and scary. We feel jealous and angry, also resentful, when we look at other people's lucky lives. So, ultimately, we make up fantasy worlds to help us escape the pain and shock we feel in our real life experiences.
However, I realize my real life isn't getting any better, because I chose to live "fantasy lives." It washed over my ability to clearly learn and develop myself into the world of social interaction. So, I didn't get out there and practice daily around people, getting loads of experience to overcome my issues with Autism, which is something I should have done a very long time ago. However, I was a kid, and we can be awfully dumbfounded in these ways. Aspects of the real world and great advice for survival doesn't exactly come to our little minds until we are all grow up, apparently. For aspie's it's not uncommon to make this slip growing up into a world that appears foreign to us, and not knowing what neurotypical people are snickering of us behind our backs, when they could kindly help guide us for a change. My dad gave me lots of advice as a teenager on how to make friends properly, so I can develop relationships, but I hardly listened and eventually payed the price when I became an adult.
Just this morning, I realized, I day dreamed decades of my life away, rather than doing the right things for myself. Living in my head, I didn't pay attention to people, but rather, I spent too much time being isolated while day dreaming and very well doing my own things. Later, I learned that I was never super outgoing, chatty and extrovert like my other peers—I was Autistic with an active imagination. Sad thing is, I couldn't find anybody, let alone a male entity, who had the same situation as me. I was one of a kind! So guess what, I was all by myself on it. Sounds pretty freaky, eh?
So, yes, my life was more imaginative than anything else.
That's Interesting Silver Swan I've never met another person with Autism that had this like me. I was diagnosed with High functioning Autism (Kanner's Syndrome) under the old system I think it's just all one spectrum now.
I had severely hypersensitive hearing as a child I would scream even though a pneumatic drill was right at the other end of a long road (before I was anywhere near it!) until problems with my thyroid meant I lost some hearing around 16/17 yrs old. I found this such a relief and though they gave me hearing aids I'd put in flat batteries or leave them switched off so everything was even more muted, this enabled me to cope with busier scenario's and by learning sign language too I was able to attend university. My hearing does fluctuate depending on my thyroid levels but I didn't understand until many years later that most of my difficulties 'hearing' related to speech and it was processing speech that was the problem (I wasn't diagnosed until my last year of uni when the stress triggered the beginning of my meltdown) though I had originally lost some hearing but I guess as my hearing was so hyper acute to start with, the hearing loss only reduced it from hypersensitive to what most consider 'normal hearing'! ..still that was too much for me most of the time! Music was the exception where the sound always came out in the same predictable order (ie specific songs played on endless repeat!) I also liked absolute silence so spent alot of time in my bedroom enjoying the quiet. Even though I recovered some hearing I still watch TV with subtitles to be able to understand the dialogue and plot in shows (often watch without any sound just subtitles) and still put hearings aids (switched off and tubes blocked at ends) when I have to go out to public places to mute the world a bit and make it easier to cope with. (Some pitches of sound just send me into instant blind panic if it's too loud) I live alone, mostly in silence, in my dreams how I like it!
I don't feel I'm missing out though as my parents took us camping all over as kids so been all over the UK and experienced work, college and university, tried having a boyfriend but didn't enjoy the intimate physical contact when he wanted to take things further so ended the relationship and never had another. I only enjoy physical interaction with my dog, with people I 'tolerate' a tiny amount from specific people. (quick hug goodbye from a select few immediate family members after visiting).
I was recently inspired by a book 'Stranger in the Woods' (true story) about a guy believed to have Aspergers or schizoid personality who went off into the woods in US and lived there 27 yrs without human contact. In my mind this proves it's possible and not needed. So my fantasy's now revolve around surviving in a house in the woods in a WW3 situation and finding my last dog reincarnated.