Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest
I have a very limited understanding of social interactions and emotions, plus the tendency to view people as being "all good" or "all bad" (referred to as "black and white thinking"). These are both very common Asperger's traits (I have been diagnosed Asperger's) and I believe that they have had a major impact on the way I daydream.
I cannot create my own characters to a satisfactory standard due to my lack of understanding regarding human emotions and interactions, so instead my daydreams are a melting pot of different characters from anime/games that I somehow find myself attracted to. In my mind, their personalities are simplified to a way that I can understand. I sort of latch onto one or two facets of a character and that's how I will always see them.
This becomes particularly jarring with villainous characters whom I sympathize with and incorporate into my world, because in my world they only behave in the way I perceive them (usually in a more positive/benevolent light). So when I revisit their canon materials, I am often very surprised by how much my version has deviated from canon.
I've been diagnosed by different psychiatrists, each with their own flavour: cyclothymia, depressive personality disorder, dysthymia, ADD. My mother has borderline traits. I've been in and out of therapy for 10 years, nobody really knows what's wrong but I still don't know what I do in this life and I feel like crap the majority of the time.
I know my DD is a symptom of underlying things and when I am really stressed out emotionally it kicks up. The type of DD is usually pretty dark, my characters aren't really happy. Also, I tend to like settings that are quite "grimdark" (google it if you don't know what it means, it's typical of harsher "worlds" like warhammer 40K).
I did suffer abuse however, not in the outright type but let's say that while I was fed and clothed I served as a crutch for my mother's emotions and nobody really tended to my own.