Confused, scared, and depressed by MDD revelation

[Shelby]

I was about 7 years old the first time I remember experiencing maladaptive daydreaming. My friends and I used to act out these really elaborate "play pretend " scenarios--sometimes spending entire days as our characters. I had a lot of anxiety and obsessive compulsive tendencies as a child (I was later diagnosed with OCD without overt compulsions-- or Pure-O OCD--and generalized anxiety disorder three years ago at 21), and because the nights were especially hard for me due to the fact that my mother worked the graveyard shift, I found that if I continued these daydreams alone, I felt less anxious. Sometimes, I would watch a movie or a TV show and insert myself or my friends into it--as if it was actually happening to us. Other times, it was as simple as rehearsing a conversation I wanted to have until I fell asleep. Music also played a HUGE role. My sister had a big CD collection, and I often found myself in her room for hours listening to music and daydreaming. I wasn't very popular in school, and sometimes I imagined performing the songs before my class and automatically gaining their acceptance. Other times I was on stage winning a Grammy for my great performance or songwriting, or the music just inspired some grandiose daydream with me always being the hero, star, or center of attention.

When I was 10, my friends moved away, and even almost 15 years later, I've never had friends that close since. We still got together on weekends, but I found myself feeling a bit awkward as our friendship transitioned from acting out play pretend scenarios to real life. At this age, I started getting a lot of compliments from my teachers on my advanced reading and writing ability, so I started turning my daydreams into stories. Though it was a creative process that gave me real life attention from my teachers and classmates, it only made me focus on my daydreams more.

Fast forward to high school. I was an extremely ambitious student, but I never made the attempts to socialize. I mean, who wanted to be the popular cheerleader with the perfect boyfriend when I could go home, turn on my music, do my homework, and DAYDREAM about doing so? In daydreams, everything was perfect, yet I didn't have to put in any real work and it still made me feel hopeful about my future.

My maladaptive daydreaming didn't start becoming a real problem until I started college and got my first job. So many years of daydreaming about the college scene and what it would be like, yet I made no effort to make it reality because I was scared of the outcome.

At 24 years old, despite all of the daydreams about a great career, beautiful kids, a perfect husband, I have nothing to show for it. I live at home, have no career, and have never had a serious boyfriend--while all of my former classmates are flourishing. I came across the term maladaptive daydreaming last week on a Tumblr blog last week, and it fits me to a T. I feel like I've wasted so much of my life, and I'm so ashamed. And the worst part is that I don't know how to be or if I even want to change. I'm scared that without these daydreams (or at least the possibility of a better life that forms with them), I'll hate myself and who I really am and decide my life isn't worth living.

[Luis S]

i feel the same way. i'm 23 years old and i starting to realized that i have not accomplish anything with my life and that the people i know are moving on with their life. i noticed that the problem is my constant daydream. in my dream i imagine that everything that i want should come to me easy, but this is not the case. i realized that reality is hard and if you want something you have to work hard for it. this thought scares me, it makes me feel depressed, and nervous, because i do not know if i can do it. Lately i been feeling that my daydreaming has increased and that the content of the dreams have become negative and it worries me. I started to worry about me having something else besides daydreaming. You name it, depression, anxiety, bipolar, etc, and all those worries have started to consume me. I do not know if i have any of those disorders or symptoms but my mind is a jungle of uncontrollable thoughts. So i decided to look for help i made and appointment with an doctor to talk about my situation, because even though i'am freaking out, there is a part of me that wants to get better and want to get pass this phase so i can start enjoying life. I'am still scared and ashamed about telling my family and friends what is going on with me, but i taking the first step to getting better. One part of me is terrified about finding something that i do not want to find, but one part is hopeful that i can get through this. Like i mentioned before i know what you feeling that life is not worth living but we have to try to overcome this. Maybe we do not have to erase our daydream all together but if we can learn to control them, learn to love ourselves, and to never give up. One thing that is helping me a little is reading, also talking to some friends makes me feel not alone. I do not have many friends like i do in my daydreams, but i realized that you do not need many friends, you only need a couple of good ones. By being here means that you are probably looking for a solution to your problem and that how i started, now we just need to work hard to get better. I hope this help, and i sorry if this does not makes much sense to you. Remember you are not alone, and if you need someone to talk to you can talk to me because i too need someone to talk to.