A constant struggle with my own head

[Andrew Sharp]

Hi i'm drew, i'm a sixth former in my final year before uni, and I have MDD... like bad. I just can't get out of my head no matter how hard i try to hold onto my surroundings. Most people at school think i'm super weird becuase i space out and begin staring at whatevers in front of me, and I have such bad communication skills becuase of this that i've been unable to become apart of any sort of friendship group. This is a shame because i used to have such good friends in my old school before we broke up and lost touch. I only have to come in for lessons so a typical day for me will be to come into school for as long as I have to, talk to nobody unless i have to while avoiding everybodys looks. During class i constantly have to find new patterns to doodle while the teacher is talking so that i don't embaress myself when i inevitably space out, which has resulted in me not learning anything in class and having to work twice as hard to keep up. I get my lunch on my way home and study in my corner of the computer room any other time i'm working between classes or killing time during break when everyone is socializing in their groups. I've also begun distancing myself from my family and spending all my time up in my room which I'm worried might affect my relationship with them once i've left for uni.

I crave interaction and I know that if i don't form a meaningful connection with someone eventually then theres a good chance the hole i've dug for myself will just keep getting deeper and things will begin to get darker, especially if things stay unchanged at uni and i don't even have my family to keep me company.

I'm happy to get through the rest of my A levels this way, so long as i knew that things would be better at uni. Does anybody have any suggestions about how i could help prepare and get out of this hole before then so that i can make a positive fresh start when i start uni. I've thought about stopping listening to music which i think might be a big trigger for spacing out. Anything else?

[Ezili Slater]

Yeah, I think getting rid of triggers is a really good start. Maybe try casually starting conversations with people - asking if they know the time etc - to try and keep you more focused in the real world. Also if you set goals like "have a conversation with "---" today" then you might be able to stay in contact easier as you'll be at least saying one thing to them regularly :)

[Filly]

Exercise regularly may help
Structured activity
Communicate

[Filly]

When i talk to my guy he really focus on our conversations and gets out of his head.
Pyryana breathing and meditation still the voices after a lot of practise.
Google Thomas Fortell tapes. Dont give up.
Do a structured fitness class where you have to focus.

[Juliana Rose]

Place yourself in reality as much as possible. If you have to do homework go somewhere public where there are alot of people so its harder to escape. Also get involved in things that force you to interact heavily with people like sports or a club, this will distract you from falling into the MD. 

Getting rid of the triggers is a good start. TBH one of my biggest triggers is music but I can't get rid of it because it also is my saving grace during anxiety attacks, but i've realized that by listening to music without headphones makes me less likely to go into that state. My md episodes are really only harmful when i'm having an extistental anxiety phase because it helps me not think about reality and I usually escape to my room. Do not go into isolation if you feel a bad MD episode coming on because going into your room will just want to stay there and there is nothing to pull you out of it. 

Honestly I believe that if you can find something within reality that you really enjoy and keeps you active I think the severity of the MD will go away and it wont be so restraining anymore. 

[Andrew Sharp]

Yeah thanks for all the useful advice, i'll definitely try to put myself out there more and not shy away so much. Problems with triggers such as music and reading, which instantly put me into daydreams, are that they are also the only things that get me through the day, so finding other stuff to be interested and get involved in would be a good start.

[Sian]

Like other people have said, exercise is really good.  Try and avoid triggers, though I know it's a constant mental battle.  It looks like you have got yourself caught in a loop - after all day dreaming is often a coping mechanism that is running out of control. You really need to talk to someone about this, is your family sympathetic?  You don't need to go into detail about the daydreaming, but say you're struggling and feeling really lonely and low.  I found opening up to people helped me a lot, I didn't talk about daydreaming but I said how depressed I was, and just admitting it kind of turned a corner.  I remember a friend asking me if I was ok, and I just sat and cried and cried for about an hour, such a relief admitting finally that no, I was not ok, that this was not how I wanted to be. 

Try to sit downstairs with your family a little more, or alternatively sit in a coffee shop or something, you don't need to talk to people but sometimes just being in the company of others helps.  Personally I've found Podcasts help hugely because basically if I'm listening to a podcast I can't daydream!  I'm forced to concentrate which is good for me.  I've found yoga good too.

Does your College/School have a counselling service?  They would be willing to help you, a lot of people your age struggle with school and it's awful feeling isolated.  Alternatively is there a sympathetic teacher you can talk to?

You must be kind to yourself and tell yourself this is a phase you're going through and you will pull out of it.  Its rubbish I know, 6 months ago I was an obsessive daydreamer but lately I've been improving.  I really hope things improve for you :)