Serious problems

[Lana]

I don‘t know how to handle it anymore. My daydreaming gets worser and worser. 

I often spend up to 16 hours a day just dreaming. Cannot do anything as I should. 

I‘ve looked at the mds 16 scale and I‘m actually at 100% every single question.

My life / daydreams are out of control.

I have kids and without my partner I wouldn‘t be able to raise them properly.

What is really horrible: I have to be alone and in the dark for my daydreaming. 

So I lock up myself in my bedroom for hours. And I’m listening to music via headphones so I don’t recognize anything in my surroundings. 

I do daydreaming usually when everybody is asleep, probably from 8pm to 4am, so almost all night. Additionally I also daydream in every single minute I can. When my kids are in school / daycare and I should study I daydream up to another 8 hours. So I can‘t do my everyday stuff or my studies.

My partner and I don‘t even sleep in the same bed anymore because I need to be alone. He doesn‘t know what I‘m doing and probably won‘t understand. He‘s not really empathic. Our relationship is rather a friendship, we don‘t kiss, we don’t touch, actually we don’t even talk a lot. But he won‘t break up because of the kids. Sometimes we argue about that I don‘t do enough in household or I should finally finish my studies. But I invent excuses. I‘m unfortunately not in a good health condition so I often use this as an excuse. 

My health is also suffering from daydreaming. I don’t do doctors appointments as I should and I‘m seriously obese. Things that I can forget when I‘m daydreaming. Then I imagine I‘m thin and healthy so I can eat whatever I want. Unfortunately I often put food in my mouth while daydreaming and stuff like fast food which is ok for my daydream character but not for my real me. I‘m not able to stop this. 

Never been to therapy even though I have issues since my early childhood. I am anxious when it comes to call somebody. Its a nightmare to make an appointment at the doctor. I can‘t even call anybody. I‘m just relaxed when im alone. I don‘t have any social contacts except my family, I stopped contact with all friends of school long time ago. I was never having a best friend just in my daydreams.

The daydreaming started so long ago I don’t even know at what time. I remember having imaginations when I was 7 or 8. It became extreme in my early teenage years. I remember when I was 13 I already spend most time of the day alone in my room daydreaming. Now I’m in my thirties.

I’ve never had longer periods without daydreaming and I never tried to limit it. Only moments when I wasn’t dreaming so much was on vacations (for a week) and I had to share a hotel room. But it was difficult for me. Sometimes I did daydreaming when everybody was asleep in the room. 

When my daydreams are interrupted or I don’t have time to daydream I get really angry and show everybody that I’m in a bad mood.

It’s an addiction. I don’t know what to do.

Help me!

[Valeria Franco]

Dear Lana,

I can feel your sorrow, it's deep. You are not in control of your life, that happens with all addictions.

But you know what? Now you did something, you have spoken openly about it. It's the first step, you are asking for help, you are open to change to happen. Small steps can take you out of this situation. Thinking of solving the problem all at ones is something our mind perceive as too difficult and overwhelming.

But having small targets to achieve, can make you move in the right direction.

What do you think could be the next step?

Do you think being more active here in the community could help you have a sense of purpose?

I have an idea in my mind.

[Erica Tamizi]

I think I totally understand your feelings Lana. I am no therapist or psychologist but I can tell you what is working for me. Finding a goal and working for it.

I am very introvert and socially awkward so doctor appointments don't work for me either. I always get anxious in public talking more private stuff and I still don't feel comfortable talking about this. I thought of getting a therapist or a psychologist but I'm just a student and around $200 for one therapy session is a bit too much for me. 

But I started to have a career goal and I actually studied a lot and was able to get good grades. This fall semester was probably the only time in years that I daydream less. Though I was still thinking a lot but less. 

so my suggestion is to find yourself a hobby that you enjoy. take baby steps. I'm also trying to get a hang of my daydreaming but I'm sometimes doing this without even realizing. 

[Xyz]

If its an addiction you should try therapies used to help addiction, see a psychologist and practice mindfullness which i believe you wont be able to unless you make yourself up for it with the help of some motivational therapy.
I mean why would anyone leave a colourful world which is just so perfect for some ordinary monotonous life unless someone makes you realise why.
ALL THE BEST.

[samartha raj]

Hi, Lana

Kudos,  for having describing  minutely, symptoms of maladaptive day-dreaming.  Looking back I have developed this condition at the age of 7 to 8 years, when in 3^rd or fourth standard. I have been going through same set of feeling as described albeit on other note.  

Answers to your problem  are hidden in your post. Love real world.  Based on  your symptoms I suggest

• I lock up myself in my bedroom for hours :-  Come out of this habit,  real world is beautiful, enhance power to be more outside.
• I don’t recognize anything in my surroundings.  :- We are pretending
• My partner and I don‘t even sleep in the same bed anymore because I need to be alone. :- Try to find reason for need to be alone; its deep inside and we have to make lot effort, such continuing behavior makes to be aloof.
• I‘m unfortunately not in a good health condition :- its excuse to maintain one need to be alert. Follow a good daily routine.
• I often put food in my mouth while daydreaming :- Count how many time you chew food, daydreaming will go.
• I am anxious when it comes to call somebody :- Its social anxiety

 

I can feel your pain as I have been sailing in same boat.

 

World is beautiful and it cares for you .

Discover yourself,  your Real Lana

 

Love your children and Hubby, BEST of LUCK.

 Keep sharing.

 

 

 

[alona]

hey lana,

it sounds like you're having a really tough time. I know you say making appointments is a nightmare, but I feel you should give professional help a go. if it's easier for you, you can look up online sources (where you can make appointments online, talk with a therapist via text, and these days with COVID entire practices have moved online, so you won't have to do anything in person.)

I won't pretend to understand your situation, but I really think a professional could help you much better than we can. MDD isn't a recognised condition, but that doesn't mean a therapist won't be able to help you. I hope you are able to find someone who can help you. outside of that, all of us at WMN are here to support you. good luck!!!